32 Miscellaneous Jokes: The 2007 “Touchscreen & Transformation” Edition

In 2007, the world officially went “multi-touch.” It was the year we learned to swipe, pinch, and zoom, while the music industry tried to figure out why Radiohead was letting us pay “whatever we wanted” for their album. We watched the final chapter of a boy wizard’s journey, witnessed the birth of the “streaming” era, and realized that a yellow sponge wasn’t the only thing living under the sea—we were all underwater in the housing market. It was a year of massive endings and even bigger beginnings.

The 2007 Top 10: The “iPhone & Deathly Hallows” Classics

1. The iPhone Launch: Why did we throw away our styluses? Because Steve Jobs told us that “if you see a stylus, they blew it,” and we all spent the rest of the year trying to figure out how to type on glass with our “fat” fingers.
2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book): Why was everyone crying on the subway? Because the 10-year journey finally ended, and we learned that “Always” was the saddest word in the English language.
3. Netflix Starts Streaming: Why did we stop checking the mailbox? Because Netflix launched “Watch Now,” giving us 1,000 titles to stream instantly on our PCs, provided we were okay with it looking like a grainy security camera feed.
4. The Launch of “BioShock”: Why did we go under the sea? Because 2007 taught us that “A man chooses, a slave obeys,” and that giant guys in diving suits are surprisingly protective of little girls with needles.
5. The Debut of “Mad Men”: Why was everyone suddenly drinking Old Fashioneds? Because Don Draper made the 1960s look so stylish that we all forgot the era was mostly about clouds of cigarette smoke and terrible social boundaries.
6. The Launch of “Halo 3”: Why did the world stop for a Tuesday? Because we had to “Finish the Fight,” and millions of people took a “Master Chief Day” off work to shoot blue aliens in high definition.
7. Crysis Release: Why was our computer smoking? Because “But can it run Crysis?” became the official way to tell if your PC was a NASA-grade supercomputer or just an expensive toaster.
8. The Launch of Kindle: Why did the book get a screen? Because Amazon decided we needed to carry 200 novels in a device that looked like a prop from a 1970s sci-fi show with a very weird keyboard.
9. Ratatouille: Why were we cheering for a pest? Because Pixar proved that “anyone can cook,” even a rat in a hat, and that a food critic’s childhood memory is the most powerful weapon in the world.
10. The Launch of Android (Announcement): Why was the robot green? Because Google realized that if Apple had a phone, they needed one too—one that would eventually be on everything from your fridge to your car.

The Full 2007 Miscellaneous Jokes Archive

11. Super Mario Galaxy: Why were we upside down? Because Nintendo decided that gravity was just a suggestion and that Mario belonged in the stars, collecting star bits and chasing bees.
12. The “Chocolate Rain” Viral Video: Why did Tay Zonday move away from the mic? Because he wanted to breathe, and in 2007, that was enough to make you a global superstar for exactly three weeks.
13. The Launch of Dropbox: Why was there a blue box? Because we were tired of emailing ourselves files or losing USB drives, and Drew Houston gave us a “magic folder” in the sky.
14. Transformers (The Movie): Why were the cars so loud? Because Michael Bay decided that the only way to bring 80s toys to life was with 5,000 explosions and a soundtrack that sounded like a blender full of metal.
15. The Launch of Tumblr: Why was the blog so short? Because David Karp realized we had a lot of “vibes” but not enough words for a real blog, starting a decade of aesthetic obsession and “reblogging.”
16. No Country for Old Men: Why were we afraid of a coin toss? Because Javier Bardem and his bowl cut proved that a cattle gun is the most terrifying accessory a hitman can carry.
17. The Launch of the “Crank That” Dance: Why was everyone “Soulja Boying”? Because 2007 was the year that a 17-year-old with a webcam and some sunglasses taught the entire world a dance routine in his bedroom.
18. The Big Bang Theory Debut: Why was “Bazinga!” a thing? Because 2007 started the era where being a nerd was a prime-time sitcom trope, and we all learned more about physics than we ever wanted to.
19. The Launch of Rock Band: Why did we need more plastic? Because Guitar Hero wasn’t enough—we needed a drum kit, a microphone, and three friends to fail “Enter Sandman” together in the living room.
20. Portal Release: Why was the cake a lie? Because GLaDOS taught us that test chambers are dangerous, companion cubes are precious, and gravity is a playground.
21. The Launch of Google Street View: Why was there a van on my street? Because Google decided that “Maps” should include a 360-degree view of your neighbor’s messy garage and a guy accidentally falling off his bike.
22. The Sopranos Finale: Why did it go to bl—? Because David Chase taught us that sometimes the best ending is no ending at all, leaving a whole generation checking their cable connection.
23. The Launch of the Nissan GT-R (R35): Why was it a “Godzilla”? Because Japan built a car that could embarrass Ferraris for half the price, and every teenager with a PlayStation finally saw their dream car become real.
24. Rihanna’s “Umbrella”: Why was she saying “ella, ella, eh”? Because 2007 was a very rainy year for pop music, and Jay-Z’s intro was the only thing allowed to play in any club.
25. The Launch of the “I’m a Mac / I’m a PC” Ads: Why was Justin Long so smug? Because Apple spent millions of dollars convincing us that being a “PC” meant wearing a suit and having a cold, while being a “Mac” meant wearing a hoodie.
26. Juno: Why were we drinking orange Tic Tacs? Because Diablo Cody gave us a movie full of “hamburger phones” and incredibly specific slang that we all tried to use for exactly one month.
27. The Launch of the “Leave Britney Alone!” Video: Why was Chris Crocker crying? Because 2007 was a rough year for the Pop Princess, and the internet learned that sometimes, fans have feelings too.
28. Mass Effect Launch: Why were we talking to aliens? Because BioWare gave us a galaxy to save and realized that “Commander Shepard” was the only person who could make decisions for us.
29. The Launch of Hulu: Why was it called a “hulu”? Because the TV networks realized Netflix was winning, so they put their shows on a site that sounded like a Hawaiian greeting.
30. Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Why were they famous? Because in 2007, E! launched a reality show that would eventually ensure we knew every single detail about a family we never actually met.
31. The Launch of the “Rickroll”: Why am I watching Rick Astley? Because 2007 was the year that a link to “GTA IV Trailer” actually became “Never Gonna Give You Up,” and the internet’s greatest prank was born.
32. New Year’s Eve 2007: Why were we so ready for 2008? Because we had our iPhones, our social networks, and our “Rickrolls”—we were fully equipped for the digital future.