Standing on the edge of the manicured front lawn at 4:00 PM sharp, holding a clipboard to track the license plates of any delivery truck… Read More »2023 Archive: The Driveway Radar Patrol

Screaming a sixteen-digit credit card expiration date into a cordless phone because Grandpa thinks the operator is standing on a different continent. Part of the… Read More »2023 Vintage: The Catalog Operator Telephone Shout

Sitting perfectly still in an office chair for twenty minutes, completely mesmerized by the digital “3D Pipes” animation, believing it is a live security feed… Read More »2023 Classic: The Computer Screen Saver Hypnosis

Reaching into a dark winter coat pocket and pulling out a solid, sticky mass of five individual strawberry-patterned hard candies that melted together three years… Read More »2023 Vintage: The Strawberry Candy Fusion

Shuffling across an outdated avocado-green carpet in thick wool socks, creating enough electrical voltage to shock anyone who attempts to hand you a cup of… Read More »2022 Classic: The Shag Carpet Static Surge

Letting a pair of half-moon reading glasses slam violently against a heavy plastic beaded necklace every single time a family member enters the front door.… Read More »2022 Archive: The Beaded Glasses Chain Drop

Using a thick red felt-tip marker to draw perfect boxes around every afternoon broadcast of Matlock before the morning coffee has even cooled down. Part… Read More »2022 Classic: The Print TV Guide Ritual

Turning the volume dial on a heavy wood-paneled console television so high that the family three doors down knows exactly what the evening humidity index… Read More »2022 Vintage: The Maximum Volume Weather Update

Walking out of a modern bistro because the waiter refused to hand you a laminated paper menu, claiming that “if a restaurant can’t afford to… Read More »2022 Classic: The QR Code Restaurant Boycott

Listing the names of three different nieces, an old landlord, and the deceased family cat before successfully identifying the teenager standing right in front of… Read More »2022 Classic: The Grandchild Identity Roulette