55 Adult Jokes: The 1998 “Beret, Cigar & Blue Dress” Edition

In 1998, adult humor was purely political and deeply personal. It was the year of “The Comeback Kid” vs. “The Stained Dress.” Late-night TV hosts made a living off Monica Lewinsky—literally, Leno made over 450 jokes about her that year alone. Pop culture was a mix of Armageddon, Saving Private Ryan, and the constant sound of a presidential finger-wagging denial.

The 1998 Top 10: The “Oval Office & Under Oath” Jokes

1. The Definition of ‘Is’: Bill Clinton is at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks, “Did you commit those sins?” Bill leans in and says, “Well, it depends on what your definition of ‘heaven’ is. If ‘heaven’ is a place where you don’t ask questions, then I’m definitely in.”
2. The Blue Dress Souvenir: Why did Monica Lewinsky keep the blue dress? Because in 1998, a DNA stain was the only way to get a President to stay for more than a few minutes after the “meeting” ended.
3. The White House Gift: Hillary walks into the Oval Office and sees a new intern. She asks Bill, “What’s her job description?” Bill says, “She’s in charge of the ‘In-Box’. And occasionally, the ‘Out-Box’, depending on the legal definition of ‘box’.”
4. The Secret Service Excuse: A Secret Service agent is asked why he didn’t stop the affair. He says, “I thought it was a new form of ‘hand-to-hand’ combat training. I didn’t want to interrupt the Commander-in-Chief’s drill.”
5. The Gap Discount: Why is The Gap the most popular store in D.C. in 1998? Because that’s where you buy the “Official Presidential Evidence” collection—now available in ‘Semen-Stain Blue’.
6. The Cigar Bar: A guy walks into a cigar bar. The waiter asks, “Would you like a light?” The guy says, “No, I’m just here to see if the Clinton special is on the menu—the one where you don’t actually smoke it.”
7. The Beret Warning: A mother tells her daughter moving to D.C., “Don’t wear a beret, honey.” The daughter asks, “Is it out of style?” The mother says, “No, it just acts as a homing beacon for powerful men with ‘anxiety issues'”.
8. The Impeachment Diet: “I’m on the Bill Clinton diet. I only eat things that are technically not ‘food’ according to my lawyer’s definition.”
9. The DNA Match: The FBI tells Bill, “We have a 1 in 7.8 trillion match on the dress.” Bill says, “So you’re telling me there’s still a chance it was my evil twin?”.
10. The Hillary Response: Hillary is asked about the ‘vast right-wing conspiracy’. She says, “It’s not a conspiracy. It’s just that every time Bill ‘wags his finger’, he’s usually pointing it toward the nearest intern”.

The Full 1998 Adult Archive

11. The Titanic Sequel: “Why is the Clinton scandal like the movie Titanic?” “Because everybody knows it’s going down, but the band (The Democrats) keeps playing like everything is fine.”
12. The New Pager: A lobbyist gets a new pager. His friend asks, “Does it have a vibrator?” He says, “No, but if Monica paged me, it would probably just start panting.”
13. The intern Interview: “Why do you want to work at the White House?” “I heard the benefits package includes a lot of ‘personal growth’ opportunities and a free dry-cleaning voucher.”
14. The AOL Chat: “What’s the most common password in D.C. in 1998?” “HILLARY-IS-SLEEPING.”
15. The Pope’s Visit: In 1998, the Pope visited Cuba. A reporter asked him, “What do you think of Bill Clinton?” The Pope said, “I’m here to forgive sins, but even I have a 40-hour work week.”
16. The Career Advice: “What’s the worst career advice for 1998?” “An internship at the White House will be amazing on your resume!”.
17. The Pizza Story: Why did Bill order so much pizza to the White House? Because it was the only thing that arrived ‘hot and ready’ that wasn’t wearing a beret.
18. The 911 Call: “Operator, my husband is having a heart attack!” “Is he breathing?” “Yes, but he’s doing it in a way that my lawyer says is technically ‘consensual’.”
19. The Viagra Launch: Viagra officially hit the market in 1998. A guy says, “It’s the second-best thing to happen to men this year.” “What’s the first?” “Finding out that ‘sexual relations’ is a very flexible term.”
20. The Kneepads: Why did Monica’s boyfriend suggest she invest in “Presidential Kneepads”? Because even in 1998, the floor of the Oval Office was notoriously hard on a girl’s social standing.
21. The Furby: Why are men like the new Furby toys? They make a lot of weird noises, they’re hard to turn off, and eventually, you just want to take the batteries out and hide them in the closet.
22. The Office Printer: “Our printer is like the Starr Report. It’s 400 pages long, full of graphic details nobody asked for, and it keeps jamming right at the most ‘intimate’ part”.
23. The Defense: “My lawyer is so good, he managed to convince the judge that my ‘equipment’ was actually a ‘government-issued stylus’ and I was just trying to help the intern with her ‘data entry’.”
24. The Ghost of JFK: JFK’s ghost visits Bill. Bill asks, “How did you get away with it?” JFK says, “I didn’t have to deal with modems, Linda Tripp, or Gap dresses. I just had Marilyn and a quiet pool.”
25. The Tabloid Headline: “ALIEN ABDUCTS MONICA’S DRESS.” Bill says, “Finally! A defense I can use in the Senate!”
26. The First Lady’s Hobby: “What is Hillary’s favorite board game?” “Clue. She’s been trying to find out who did it, with what, in the Oval Office for years.”
27. The Google Launch: Google was founded in 1998. The first search ever? “How to delete 20 hours of secret recordings”.
28. The Cigar Label: A new brand of cigars is called “The Clinton.” The warning label says: “May cause impeachment if used improperly.”
29. The Phone Sex: Why did Bill prefer phone sex? Because you can’t get DNA on a fiber-optic cable.
30. The Secretary’s Job: Betty Currie is asked if she saw anything. She says, “I saw a lot of ‘legislative outreach’. It just happened to involve a lot of hugging and ‘Christmas kisses’ in doorways”.
31. The Barney Frank Quote: “I’m inclined to think there were times when the president might have volunteered to give Mr. Starr a saliva sample!”.
32. The South Park Take: Why is Bill Clinton like a character on South Park? He’s rude, he’s round, and he keeps coming back to life no matter how many times the Republicans “kill” his reputation.
33. The Spice Girls Part 2: Which Spice Girl does Bill like best? “Intern Spice.”
34. The Armageddon Movie: “Why is the Clinton scandal like the movie Armageddon?” “Because it’s a giant rock (The Starr Report) heading for D.C., and the only way to stop it is to send a bunch of roughnecks (The Senate) to blow it up.”
35. The Memory Loss: “Bill, do you remember the intern?” “I have a ‘digital’ memory. It only works if you provide the correct ‘access code’—and right now, my lawyer has the key.”
36. The Office Joke: “What do you call a White House intern with a secret?” “A future best-selling author with a handbag line”.
37. The DNA Lab: An FBI technician says, “I’ve seen enough presidential DNA to know that Bill is definitely a ‘hands-on’ administrator”.
38. The Laptop: Why is a 1998 laptop like the Clinton defense? It’s full of “compressed” files that nobody can open without a subpoena.
39. The Late Night King: Jay Leno says, “I don’t need a writers’ room anymore. I just need a copy of the Starr Report and a highlighter”.
40. The Marriage Secret: “What’s the secret to the Clinton marriage?” “Separate bedrooms, separate lawyers, and a shared hatred of Ken Starr.”
41. The Grand Jury: A juror asks Bill, “Did you lie?” Bill says, “I provided a ‘thematically accurate’ version of the truth that was just waiting for the right ‘historical context’.”
42. The Wag the Dog: Why did Clinton bomb Iraq? To see if the explosions would drown out the sound of a blue dress being unzipped in the media.
43. The Beret Sales: Sales of berets in 1998 went up 300%. The main buyers? Comedians and private investigators.
44. The Valentine’s Day: Bill gives Hillary a card. It says: “I love you… and that’s the ‘is’ truth.”
45. The Witness: Linda Tripp says, “I was just being a good friend.” Monica says, “With friends like you, who needs a grand jury?”.
46. The Exit: A man leaves the White House. The guard asks, “Are you finished?” The man says, “Technically, according to my lawyer, I haven’t even started.”
47. The Lawyer’s Fee: “How much is Bill’s lawyer?” “About $800 an hour, plus a 20% ‘sincerity’ bonus every time he says ‘meaning of the word is’.”
48. The Computer Virus: “My computer has the ‘Monica Virus’. It doesn’t do anything, but it keeps trying to ‘suck’ all the data out of my hard drive.”
49. The Final Article: The 11th ground for impeachment was “Abuse of Power.” Bill says, “I call it ‘Executive Privilege with a smile'”.
50. The Portrait: A Philadelphia artist puts a shadow in Bill’s portrait. “What is it?” “It’s the ghost of a blue dress that will haunt this wall forever”.
51. The Late Return: “Bill, where were you?” “I was at a ‘strategy session’.” “In the dark? With an intern?” “It was a ‘shadow cabinet’ meeting, Hillary!”
52. The Gym: “I’m doing the ‘Clinton Workout’. I lie on my back and try to bench-press 400 pages of legal documents.”
53. The Pager Message: Monica pages Bill: “911-DRESS-STAIN.” Bill pages back: “404-FILE-NOT-FOUND.”
54. The Censure: “Why didn’t they just censure him?” “Because you can’t put a ‘reprehensible conduct’ label on a man who thinks ‘conduct’ is just a suggestion.”
55. The Last Word: St. Peter asks Bill one last time: “Did you have sex with her?” Bill looks at the camera and says: “I did not… have ‘celestial’ relations with that woman.”