54 Sports Jokes: The 2017 “28-3 & The Swiss Renaissance” Edition

In 2017, the word “impossible” was officially removed from the dictionary. A quarterback down by 25 points decided to win anyway, a 35-year-old tennis legend came back from the dead to conquer Australia, and a Brazilian superstar moved to Paris for enough money to buy a small country.

The 2017 Top 10: The “Brady, Federer & Neymar” Classics

1. The 28-3 Comeback: Why did Falcons fans stop celebrating in the third quarter? Because Tom Brady and the Patriots staged the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history, proving that “28-3” is the most dangerous lead in the universe and that Brady is officially the G.O.A.T.
2. The Federer-Nadal Australian Open: Why did the world feel like it was 2007 again? Because Roger Federer, after six months off, beat Rafa in a five-set thriller to win his 18th Slam, proving that class is permanent and age is just a suggestion.
3. Neymar’s €222 Million Move: Why was Barcelona so quiet in August? Because PSG paid Neymar’s release clause, making him the most expensive player in history and proving that if you have enough oil money, you can buy anyone’s “loyalty.”
4. The “La Remontada”: Why was Paris Saint-Germain crying in March? Because after winning 4-0 in the first leg, they lost 6-1 to Barcelona in the final seconds, creating the greatest comeback in Champions League history.
5. The Houston Astros’ First Title: Why was “Space City” finally a baseball town? Because the Astros beat the Dodgers in seven games to win their first World Series, giving a hurricane-damaged city a reason to cheer (before the “trash can” rumors started).
6. The Sergio Garcia Masters: Why was the “best player to never win a Major” title finally vacant? Because Sergio won the Green Jacket on Seve Ballesteros’ birthday, proving that if you wait 74 tries, eventually the putt will drop.
7. The Golden State 16-1 Run: Why did the NBA Playoffs feel like a foregone conclusion? Because Kevin Durant and the Warriors went 16-1 in the postseason, making the rest of the league feel like they were trying to stop a tidal wave with a bucket.
8. The Mayweather vs. McGregor “Money Fight”: Why was a boxer fighting an MMA guy? Because $600 million is a lot of motivation. Floyd reached 50-0, Conor lasted 10 rounds, and the real winner was everyone’s bank account.
9. The Clemson Revenge: Why was Deshaun Watson smiling? Because he threw a last-second touchdown to beat Alabama, getting revenge for 2016 and proving that even Nick Saban’s defense can be cracked.
10. The Usain Bolt Farewell: Why was the London track so sad? Because the fastest man in history retired with a bronze and a hamstring injury, proving that even Lightning eventually has to strike for the last time.

The Full 2017 Sports Jokes Archive

11. The Russell Westbrook 42 Triple-Doubles: Why was Oscar Robertson’s record broken? Because Russ decided that double digits were for amateurs and triple-doubles were his new daily ritual.
12. The Pittsburgh Penguins Repeat: Why was Sidney Crosby the “Captain”? Because the Pens became the first team in the salary-cap era to win back-to-back Stanley Cups.
13. The Lonzo Ball Hype: Why was LaVar Ball everywhere? Because he convinced the world his son was better than Steph Curry, leading the Lakers to draft him and the internet to meme them both.
14. The Giancarlo Stanton 59 HRs: Why were the Marlins’ fences too close? Because Stanton hit nearly 60 home runs and decided that “exit velocity” was his favorite hobby.
15. The Manchester City “Centurions” Beginning: Why was Pep Guardiola so happy? Because his team started a win streak so long that the rest of the Premier League gave up by October.
16. The Sloane Stephens US Open: Why was the comeback so sweet? Because she went from a wheelchair to a trophy in six months, proving that foot surgery is just a minor speed bump.
17. The Jeunghun Wang? No, Brooks Koepka: Why was the U.S. Open so “buff”? Because Brooks Koepka won his first Major and showed the world that “power golf” was the new standard.
18. The Aaron Judge Rookie Season: Why was there a “Judge’s Chambers” in the Bronx? Because he hit 52 home runs as a rookie and made the Yankee Stadium look like a little league park.
19. The Lewis Hamilton 4th Title: Why was Sebastian Vettel frustrated? Because Lewis won his fourth world championship, moving ahead of his rival and into the all-time greats category.
20. The Chris Froome Double: Why was he the “Iron Man of Cycling”? Because he won the Tour de France and the Vuelta a España in the same year, a feat that hadn’t been done in 39 years.
21. The Real Madrid Back-to-Back: Why was the Champions League “White”? Because Real Madrid became the first team to defend the trophy in the modern era, with Ronaldo scoring for fun.
22. The “Juiced Ball” Debate: Why were there so many home runs in the World Series? Because players were hitting balls so far they were landing in 2018.
23. The Kyrie Irving Trade to Boston: Why did he want to leave LeBron? Because he wanted to prove he could be the “man,” leading to a trade that gave us the weirdest NBA rivalry of the year.
24. The Iceland World Cup Qualification: Why was the “Viking Clap” going to Russia? Because a country the size of a shopping mall qualified for the World Cup, making everyone else look bad.
25. The Eli Manning Bencing: Why was New York on fire? Because the Giants benched Eli and ended his 210-game streak for Geno Smith, a move so unpopular it got the coach fired in 48 hours.
26. The Tiger Woods “DUI” Photo: Why was the golf world worried? Because the photo looked bad, but it turned out to be the “rock bottom” Tiger needed to start the greatest comeback ever.
27. The Golden Knights Arrival: Why was there hockey in the desert? Because Vegas got a team and everyone thought they’d be terrible—not knowing they were about to be “Golden.”
28. The Rafael Nadal 10th French Open: Why was “La Decima” so historic? Because Rafa won his 10th title in Paris without dropping a set, making the trophy his permanent property.
29. The Giannis Antetokounmpo MVP Leap: Why was he the “Greek Freak”? Because he led the Bucks in every major statistical category and started making 7-footers look obsolete.
30. The Jordan Spieth British Open: Why was he in the driving range? Because he hit a wild shot, spent 20 minutes taking a drop, and then went “birdie-eagle-birdie-birdie” to win the Claret Jug.
31. The USA Missing the World Cup: Why was October so quiet in America? Because the US Men’s team lost to Trinidad & Tobago and realized they’d be watching the World Cup from the couch.
32. The Isaiah Thomas Trade: Why was Boston so “cold”? Because they traded the guy who played with a broken heart and a broken hip for Kyrie Irving, proving the NBA is a business, not a family.
33. The Sergio Ramos Red Cards: Why was he the record holder? Because he reached 24 red cards for Real Madrid, proving that if you can’t beat them, you should probably just kick them.
34. The “Trust the Process” Debut: Why was Ben Simmons the “Rookie”? Because after a year of waiting, he finally stepped on the court and looked like a 6’10” version of Magic Johnson.
35. The Francesco Totti Retirement: Why was Rome crying? Because after 25 years and 786 games, the King of Rome finally took off his jersey for the last time.
36. The Gordon Hayward Injury: Why was the NBA opening night so tragic? Because he went down in five minutes, turning the Celtics’ season into a “what-if” on day one.
37. The Justin Turner Walk-Off: Why was the beard so famous? Because he hit a walk-off homer in the NLCS on the 29th anniversary of Kirk Gibson’s legendary blast.
38. The Anthony Joshua vs. Wladimir Klitschko: Why was Wembley shaking? Because 90,000 people saw the “passing of the torch” in a heavyweight classic that ended the Klitschko era.
39. The Maria Sharapova Return: Why were the other players so grumpy? Because she returned from her suspension and immediately got a wildcard to the US Open, proving she was still “box office.”
40. The Deshaun Watson Rookie Run: Why was Houston so excited? Because before he got hurt, Watson was scoring touchdowns faster than the stadium could update the scoreboard.
41. The Philippe Coutinho Transfer Saga: Why was he “injured” in August? Because Barcelona was calling, and he had a very sudden case of “I-want-to-play-with-Messi” syndrome.
42. The GGG vs. Canelo Draw: Why were the fans booing? Because everyone saw Triple G win, but one judge saw a different fight, proving that boxing judges are the best fiction writers in sports.
43. The Minnesota Vikings “Case Keenum” Year: Why were they 13-3? Because a backup QB and a legendary defense turned the Vikings into the NFL’s most unlikely contenders.
44. The Grigor Dimitrov ATP Finals: Why was he the “Master”? Because he won the year-end title and finally looked like the superstar everyone promised he would be back in 2014.
45. The Jimmie Johnson “Seven” Hangover: Why was Martin Truex Jr. the champ? Because Jimmie’s dominance finally slowed down, and the “underdog” from Furniture Row Racing won it all.
46. The Philadelphia Eagles “Wentz-ylvania”: Why were they the #1 seed? Because Carson Wentz was playing like the MVP before a knee injury turned the season over to a guy named Nick Foles.
47. The FIFA “Best” Awards: Why was Ronaldo winning again? Because 2017 was the year of “CR7,” and Messi had to be content with just being a “regular” genius for a while.
48. The Jo-Wilfried Tsonga Davis Cup: Why was France the champion? Because they beat Belgium in the final and proved that having four “very good” players is better than one “great” one.
49. The Patrick Mahomes Draft: Why was Kansas City waiting? Because they drafted a kid with a rocket arm and decided to let him sit behind Alex Smith, unaware they had just found the future of the NFL.
50. The McGregor vs. Mayweather “MMA” Stats: Why was Conor proud? Because he landed more punches on Floyd than Manny Pacquiao did, proving that “Irish Power” is real, even in a boxing ring.
51. The Shohei Ohtani Sweepstakes: Why was every MLB team calling Japan? Because a guy who could throw 100 mph and hit 450-foot homers was officially a “Free Agent.”
52. The 2017 New Year’s Eve: Why were we looking at 2018? Because the Super Bowl was in Minnesota, the World Cup was in Russia, and Tiger Woods was finally starting to swing a club again.
53. The “Billion Dollar” Transfer Window: Why was the money so crazy? Because in 2017, spending $100 million on a player became “normal,” making every 1995 transfer look like a bargain bin deal.
54. The Conclusion of the 2017 Archive: Why was it a year of legends? Because Federer, Brady, and Nadal proved that the old guard wasn’t just staying—they were taking over all over again.