51 Sports Jokes: The 2011 “Mavs’ Revenge & The Aguero Moment” Edition

In 2011, the sports world was about pure drama and the fall of “Superteams.” Dirk Nowitzki gave a lesson in loyalty to Miami, Novak Djokovic turned the tennis court into his personal buffet, and a guy named Sergio Aguero scored a goal so late it almost caused a heart attack in half of Manchester.

The 2011 Top 10: The “Dirk, Novak & Aguero” Classics

1. The Mavs’ Revenge: Why did LeBron James and Dwyane Wade stop making fun of Dirk Nowitzki’s cough? Because Dirk gave them a fever in the Finals, winning the title for Dallas and proving that a “team” beats a “Heatle” trio every single time.
2. The Aguerooooooo!: Why did Manchester City fans wait 44 years? To have their hearts stopped in the 94th minute when Sergio Aguero scored the goal that stole the Premier League title from Manchester United in the final seconds of the season.
3. The Year of Novak: Why was Roger and Rafa looking for a hiding spot? Because Novak Djokovic won 10 titles, 3 Grand Slams, and went 43-0 to start the season, proving that gluten-free bread is the most powerful substance on Earth.
4. The “Game 6” Rangers vs. Cardinals: Why was Texas already ordering the champagne? Because they were one strike away—twice—from winning the World Series, until David Freese decided to become a local god and ruin their lives.
5. The Packers’ Super Bowl XLV: Why was Aaron Rodgers finally out of Brett Favre’s shadow? Because he won the Super Bowl MVP and proved that a “Cheesehead” looks better with a ring than a retirement speech.
6. The Barcelona Masterclass: Why did Manchester United feel like they were chasing ghosts at Wembley? Because Messi, Xavi, and Iniesta played “Tiki-Taka” so perfectly that Sir Alex Ferguson said his hands were shaking from the sheer quality.
7. The Rory McIlroy Meltdown and Redemption: Why did Rory go from a 10-shot lead at the Masters to a U.S. Open win? Because he spent 10 weeks learning how to forget a disaster and then destroyed the field at Congressional by 8 strokes.
8. The NBA Lockout: Why were the stars playing in local gyms? Because the owners and players couldn’t agree on money, leaving fans to watch high-definition videos of Kevin Durant scoring 66 points at Rucker Park instead of the NBA.
9. The Bruins’ Stanley Cup: Why was Vancouver on fire? Literally. Because the Bruins won Game 7 on the road, ending a 39-year drought and causing a riot that made the hockey game look like a tea party.
10. The Tiger Woods “Fall”: Why was Tiger ranked #58 in the world? Because injuries and a swing change made him look like a guy who just bought his first set of clubs at a garage sale.

The Full 2011 Sports Jokes Archive

11. The Derrick Rose MVP: Why was he the youngest ever? Because he was moving so fast for the Bulls that the refs had to check if he was using a motorbike.
12. The FIFA Women’s World Cup: Why was Japan the world’s favorite? Because they beat the USA in a penalty shootout, giving a grieving nation a reason to smile after the tsunami.
13. The Sebastian Vettel Double: Why was F1 getting boring again? Because Vettel won 11 races and clinched the title with four races left, making the podium look like his personal balcony.
14. The Hope Solo Save: Why was the USA in the final? Because Hope Solo was stopping shots that were legally classified as “unstoppable.”
15. The Manchester Derby 1-6: Why did Mario Balotelli have a shirt that said “Why Always Me?”? Because he scored twice at Old Trafford and then set his own bathroom on fire with fireworks—all in the same week.
16. The Cam Newton Rookie Show: Why were the Panthers fans screaming? Because Cam threw for 400 yards in his first two games, proving that a “Superman” cape actually fits under an NFL jersey.
17. The Cadel Evans Tour de France: Why was Australia wearing yellow? Because Cadel finally won the Tour, proving that you can be 34 and still have better legs than the kids.
18. The Kemba Walker “Step-Back”: Why was UConn the champion? Because Kemba took the “Cardiac Kemba” nickname literally and won 11 elimination games in a row.
19. The Bernard Hopkins “Old Man” Record: Why was he the champion at 46? Because he beat Jean Pascal and proved that age is just a number—as long as that number is lower than your punch count.
20. The “Bountygate” Investigation: Why were the Saints’ coaches sweating? Because the NFL was starting to ask why their defensive players were getting “bonuses” for sending QBs to the sideline.
21. The Jim Harbaugh Handshake: Why was Jim Schwartz so mad? Because Harbaugh shook his hand too hard after a win, proving that in the NFL, even a “thank you” can start a brawl.
22. The Justin Verlander MVP: Why did a pitcher win the MVP? Because Verlander was so dominant for the Tigers that hitters were asking for a 4th strike just to be fair.
23. The Li Na French Open: Why were 100 million people watching in China? Because she became the first Asian player to win a Grand Slam, making a tennis racket the must-have item in Beijing.
24. The Seattle Seahawks “Beast Mode”: Why did the ground shake? Because Marshawn Lynch ran through the Saints defense so hard it registered on a local seismograph.
25. The Rafael Nadal “Djokovic-Phobia”: Why was Rafa losing every final? Because Novak was playing like he was from a different planet, and Rafa’s “kryptonite” was now a guy from Serbia.
26. The Moneyball Movie Release: Why were people watching Brad Pitt talk about stats? Because the world finally realized that “getting on base” is more important than looking like a baseball player.
27. The Tim Tebow “Mile High Magic”: Why were the Broncos winning with 2 completions? Because Tebow was praying in the 4th quarter and the football gods were actually listening.
28. The Jose Mourinho “Finger in the Eye”: Why was El Clasico so ugly? Because Mourinho poked Tito Vilanova in the eye during a sideline brawl, proving that “The Special One” has some very unsporting hobbies.
29. The Blake Griffin “Dunk over the KIA”: Why was the Dunk Contest a commercial? Because Blake jumped over a car, proving that he had the highest vertical leap in the marketing department.
30. The Andy Murray “Almost”: Why was he still crying? Because he lost another final in Australia and realized that being British in the era of the “Big Three” is a full-time job.
31. The Cricket World Cup India: Why was MS Dhoni the King? Because he hit a six to win the World Cup at home, and a billion people decided that sleep was overrated for the next three days.
32. The Klitschko Dominance: Why was the heavyweight division so quiet? Because Wladimir and Vitali held all the belts and promised their mom they would never fight each other.
33. The San Francisco Giants “Hangover”: Why were the champs missing the playoffs? Because winning the World Series is hard, but repeating is apparently impossible for “Misfits.”
34. The Maria Sharapova “Return to Form”: Why was the grunting louder? Because she reached the Wimbledon final again, proving that her shoulder was finally ready for more noise.
35. The NFL Lockout Ending: Why was the training camp so short? Because they wasted all summer talking about money and then realized they had a multi-billion dollar season to play.
36. The Rugby World Cup NZ: Why was the “Haka” so loud? Because the All Blacks finally won the trophy at home, ending 24 years of “choking” jokes.
37. The Petra Kvitova Wimbledon: Why was the Czech Republic celebrating? Because a 21-year-old with a massive lefty serve dominated the grass like she owned it.
38. The Mike Trout Debut: Why was nobody paying attention? Because he was a 19-year-old in Anaheim and we didn’t know he was about to become the best player of the next decade.
39. The Pacquiao vs. Marquez III: Why was the decision so bad? Because Marquez clearly won, but the judges decided that Manny’s “star power” was worth more than Juan Manuel’s counter-punches.
40. The Albert Pujols “Good-Bye” to St. Louis: Why was the city crying? Because after winning a ring, the “Machine” signed with the Angels for 250 million reasons.
41. The NBA Christmas Day Opener: Why was the turkey cold? Because the season finally started on Dec 25th, and the fans didn’t care about dinner—they just wanted to see a jump ball.
42. The David Beckham “Galaxy” Title: Why was he finally happy? Because he won the MLS Cup in his 5th year, proving that he didn’t just come to Hollywood for the movies.
43. The St. Louis Blues “Turnaround”: Why was Ken Hitchcock a genius? Because he took the worst team in the league and turned them into a wall of defense in 20 minutes.
44. The Tony Stewart “Tony” Year: Why was the NASCAR title a tie-break? Because Stewart won 5 of the 10 Chase races and proved that “Smoke” always rises when the pressure is on.
45. The Frank Lampard Goal that wasn’t (Wait, that was 2010): No, 2011 was the year everyone was still complaining about it until goal-line technology was finally approved.
46. The Kim Clijsters “Aussie” Win: Why was she the “Kim-possible”? Because she won in Melbourne and then decided that being a mom was more fun than the WTA tour.
47. The LeBron James “Cramps” (Wait, that’s later): 2011 was the year LeBron simply “disappeared” in the 4th quarter of the Finals, leading to 1,000 memes before memes were even a thing.
48. The Usain Bolt DQ: Why was the 100m final in Daegu so weird? Because the fastest man in the world false-started and had to watch his teammate Yohan Blake win his gold medal.
49. The Dallas Cowboys “8-8” Tradition: Why was Jason Garrett always clapping? Because his team was the definition of “average,” and he was happy to be there.
50. The Rory McIlroy “Congressional” Score: Why was 16-under so crazy? Because he broke the U.S. Open scoring record just to apologize for his Masters collapse.
51. The FIFA Corruption Scandal: Why were Sepp Blatter’s friends leaving? Because the FBI was starting to look at the books, and “transparency” was a word nobody in Switzerland liked.