50 Travel Jokes: The 2004 “Flip Phones & Smoke Monsters” Edition

In 2004, travel was becoming “social” even before we had a name for it. You were snapping 1.3-megapixel photos with your RAZR, pretending to be a castaway from Lost while lounging on a beach in Hawaii, and wondering if your Harvard-student cousin could finally get you on that new “TheFacebook” site so you could post about your trip.

The 2004 Top 10: The “Razr Sharp” Classics

1. The Motorola RAZR: Why was the traveler so arrogant? Because he had a silver flip phone so thin he could use it to slice his in-flight steak (which was lucky, because security had just banned real knives).
2. The Facebook Launch: Why did the college student stay in the hostel’s computer room? Because he just got an invite to “TheFacebook” and had to make sure his “Relationship Status” was set to “It’s Complicated” before visiting the Eiffel Tower.
3. The Lost Obsession: Why was the passenger terrified when the plane hit a tiny bit of turbulence? Because he’d just watched the pilot episode of Lost and spent the rest of the flight looking for a hatch in the aisle.
4. The Gmail Invite: Why did the traveler pay $50 on eBay? To get a “Gmail” invitation so he could have 1GB of storage—enough to save every “out of office” reply he’d ever receive.
5. The Mean Girls Diet: Why did the tourist refuse to go to Taco Bell in Cancun? Because she was on an “all-carb diet” and was waiting for her Kalteen bars to “burn up” the calories.
6. The Shrek 2 Hype: Why was the family road trip so loud? Because the kids were singing “Holding Out for a Hero” on repeat while the parents considered “accidentally” leaving the portable DVD player at a rest stop.
7. The iPod Mini: Why was the hiker so stylish? Because he had a gold-colored iPod Mini clipped to his belt that held exactly 1,000 songs and enough battery to last until he reached the parking lot.
8. The Motorola Pager: Why did the traveler finally throw his pager into the ocean? Because in 2004, if you weren’t “flipping” a phone, you were basically a caveman with a vibrating plastic brick.
9. The Nintendo DS: Why did the kids not care about the Grand Canyon? Because they had two screens to look at now, and Nintendogs don’t feed themselves, even at national landmarks.
10. The Spider-Man 2: Why was the tourist swinging from the balcony? He saw Tobey Maguire do it and figured the hotel’s “all-inclusive” deal included web-slinging lessons.

The Full 2004 Travel Jokes Archive

11. The Google IPO: Why was the businessman smiling in First Class? Because he bought Google stock at $85 and now he felt like he owned the entire sky.
12. The Motorola Antics: Why did the guy keep opening and closing his phone? He didn’t have a call; he just loved the “click” sound of a RAZR more than the sound of his own wife’s voice.
13. The MySpace Top 8: Why was the backpacker crying in a Thai internet cafe? Because his travel buddy moved him from #2 to #5 in his “Top 8” after a disagreement about who ate the last mango.
14. The Euro Expansion: Why was the traveler confused in Poland? Because they just joined the EU, but he still couldn’t pay for a pierogi with a Euro coin.
15. The Usher “Yeah!”: Why was the airport lounge so upbeat? Because that song played in every terminal, making everyone do a little “A-Town” stomp on their way to Gate B.
16. The Anchorman: Why was the pilot so confident? He told the passengers, “I’m kind of a big deal,” and then stayed classy all the way to San Diego.
17. The Skype Call: Why was the traveler shouting into his laptop? Because he was trying to use Skype on hotel dial-up and the “voice over IP” sounded like a robot drowning in a fish tank.
18. The 1GB Flash Drive: Why was the man bragging? He bought a thumb drive for $100 that held “as much as a thousand floppy disks,” and he felt like he had the power of NASA in his pocket.
19. The Napoleon Dynamite: Why did the tourist wear a “Vote for Pedro” shirt in Vegas? Because he wanted to show off his “great” dance moves at the slot machines.
20. The Tsunami Fear: Why did the beachgoers buy a whistle? Because after the December disaster, everyone realized that nature doesn’t give a “vacation refund.”
21. The Razr Roaming: Why did the traveler faint? He opened his cell phone bill after a week in London and realized that “V3” stood for “Very, Very, Very Expensive Roaming.”
22. The Lost Theory: Why did the hikers get scared of a pig? Because they were convinced it was actually a “Smoke Monster” sent by the island to judge their hiking boots.
23. The Sony PSP: Why was the teenager ignoring the Louvre? Because he could play Ridge Racer in the palm of his hand, and Mona Lisa didn’t even have 60 frames per second.
24. The Britney Marriage: Why was the Las Vegas wedding chapel so busy? Because Britney got married for 55 hours, and every tourist thought they could beat her record.
25. The Firefox Launch: Why did the traveler switch browsers? Because “Netscape” felt like a horse and buggy, and he wanted to see a “Fire Fox” load his hotel pictures in under a minute.
26. The Kill Bill Vol. 2: Why was the traveler wearing a yellow tracksuit in Tokyo? Because she wanted to find Bill, but all she found was a really good sushi place.
27. The Motorola Battery: Why was the man standing by the airport bathroom? Because the RAZR looked cool, but the battery lasted about as long as a sneeze.
28. The Million Dollar Baby: Why was the flight so depressing? Because everyone watched the movie on the seatback screen and spent the rest of the trip staring blankly at the seat in front of them.
29. The San Andreas: Why did the gamer stay in his hotel room in LA? Because he’d already “visited” the city in GTA: San Andreas and felt he’d already done enough drive-bys for one trip.
30. The Low-Rise Trend: Why did the traveler lose her coins? Because her jeans were so low that every time she sat down at the gate, her change fell out of her “pockets.”
31. The Hoobastank Song: Why was the traveler apologizing? Because he was “The Reason” the flight was delayed, and he kept singing it to the flight attendants.
32. The Lord of the Rings Oscar: Why was the traveler in New Zealand? Because the movie won 11 Oscars and he wanted to see if the airport security guards were actually Orcs.
33. The Motorola V3 Black: Why was the businessman so smug? Because he had the “Special Edition” black RAZR and felt like Darth Vader of the corporate world.
34. The Friends Finale: Why was everyone at the airport coffee shop so sad? Because they realized that “Central Perk” was closed forever and they actually had to talk to their real friends now.
35. The Garmin GPS: Why did the dad throw the device out the window? Because the voice kept saying “Recalculating” every time he tried to find a shortcut to the hotel.
36. The Green Day “American Idiot”: Why was the traveler wearing a tie over a T-shirt? Because he wanted to show the world he was an “Idiot” who spent $2,000 on a Coachella ticket.
37. The Razr Flip: Why did the woman keep hanging up on her mom? She didn’t mean to; she just loved the “Snap” of the phone closing so much she couldn’t stop doing it.
38. The Euro 2004: Why was the traveler crying in Lisbon? Because Greece won the cup and his team was “Hellas” disappointed.
39. The Kanye West “College Dropout”: Why did the student quit his internship to travel? Because Kanye told him he didn’t need a degree to be “Jesus Walks” famous.
40. The JetBlue Snacks: Why was the passenger so happy? Because the airline gave him blue potato chips and he felt like he was dining at a 5-star restaurant.
41. The Blackberry Charm: Why did the man have a lanyard? Because his Blackberry was his only friend, and he wanted to make sure it was always close to his heart.
42. The Incredibles: Why was the family wearing red shirts? Because they wanted to be “Super” on their Disney trip, but they just looked like a target for a bull.
43. The Bluetooth Mouse: Why was the traveler shaking his hand? Because he bought a “Bluetooth” mouse and thought it meant he had to have a blue tooth to make it work.
44. The RyanAir Extra: Why was the traveler naked? Because the airline started charging for “clothing” as a “non-essential luxury item.”
45. The Desperate Housewives: Why were the ladies at the resort whispering? Because they were convinced the woman in Room 302 was hiding a body in her designer luggage.
46. The Motorola Camera: Why were the photos so green? Because the RAZR camera was basically a night-vision goggles experiment gone wrong.
47. The Lost Polar Bear: Why was the tourist looking for a bear in Hawaii? Because the show told him they were there, and he didn’t want to miss the photo op.
48. The iPod Photo: Why did the traveler buy a new iPod? Because it had a “Color Screen” and he could finally look at his 20 vacation photos on a 2-inch display.
49. The Motorola Ringtone: Why did everyone in the terminal jump? Because someone had the “Hello Moto” ringtone at maximum volume and it sounded like a robotic threat.
50. The New Year’s Eve 2005: Why was the traveler relieved? Because 2004 was the year of the “Flip,” and he was ready to “Slide” into whatever 2005 had in store.