49 Adult Jokes: The 1997 “Titanic Romance & Spice-Up” Edition

In 1997, adult humor was reaching a fever pitch. Pop culture was everywhere, and if you weren’t making a joke about James Cameron’s epic or the latest tabloid frenzy, you weren’t part of the conversation. It was the year we learned that “King of the World” was a great line for the movies, but a dangerous one to use during an argument with your wife.

The 1997 Top 10: The “Unsinkable & Spicy” Jokes

1. The Titanic Bedroom: A husband tries to be romantic and says, “Honey, I’m the King of the World!” His wife looks at him and says, “Great. Does that mean you’re finally going to hit an iceberg and go down for once?”
2. The Spice Girl Request: A guy tells his wife, “I want to spice up our love life. I want a Sporty Girl in the kitchen and a Posh Girl in the bedroom.” She replies, “Fine, as long as you’re happy with a Scary Guy in the checkbook and a Baby when you don’t get your way.”
3. The Cloning Crisis: In 1997, Dolly the sheep was cloned. A man tells his wife, “Imagine if they could clone you! I’d have two of you!” She says, “Nice try, but you can barely handle the original version without a headache.”
4. The Deep Blue Loss: After the computer Deep Blue beat Garry Kasparov, a guy says to his friend, “Computers are officially smarter than men.” The friend says, “Nonsense. My computer still thinks ‘Yes’ means ‘Yes’—my wife hasn’t updated that software in years.”
5. The Versace Style: A woman buys an expensive designer dress. Her husband asks, “How much did that cost?” She says, “It’s a Versace! It’s a statement!” He says, “The only statement it’s making is that our bank account is currently in a state of emergency.”
6. The Pathfinder Mission: NASA landed a rover on Mars in 1997. A man says, “It’s amazing, they can find water on Mars from millions of miles away.” His wife screams from the kitchen, “And yet you still can’t find the butter in the fridge right in front of your face!”
7. The Heaven’s Gate: A guy tries to use the comet cult as an excuse. “Honey, I have to go to the bar with the guys—it’s a celestial alignment!” She says, “The only thing aligning tonight is your back with the uncomfortable part of the sofa.”
8. The Viagra Secret: By 1997, the “blue pill” was the talk of every locker room. One guy says, “I took one last night and I felt like a superhero.” His friend asks, “Which one? Superman?” He says, “No, The Flash. It was over before the cape was even on.”
9. The Men in Black: A guy comes home late and says, “Aliens used a neuralyzer on me! I don’t remember where I’ve been for the last six hours!” His wife says, “Nice try, Will Smith. I can smell the ‘alien juice’ from the brewery on your breath.”
10. The Wedding Video: “Why is our wedding video like the movie Titanic?” “Because it’s three hours long, cost a fortune, and ends with a lot of people screaming while everything sinks.”

The Full 1997 Adult Archive

11. The Modern Workout: “I’ve started the ‘DVD Workout’.” “What’s that?” “I spend two hours trying to figure out the menu and then I fall asleep during the intro.”
12. The New Assistant: “My new assistant is like a Tamagotchi. She’s cute, but if I don’t give her constant attention for five minutes, she starts making a high-pitched noise and dies on the inside.”
13. The Mike Tyson Special: A guy walks into a bar with no ears. The bartender asks, “What happened?” The guy says, “I told my wife she was acting like Mike Tyson. I didn’t think she’d take it as a suggestion.”
14. The Internet Marriage: “How’s your marriage going?” “It’s like a 1997 web page. Very slow to load and full of annoying pop-up ads for things I can’t afford.”
15. The British Tabloid: A guy is reading the paper. “It says here that the average man thinks about sex every seven seconds.” His wife says, “What are you doing for the other six?”
16. The Movie Date: “Let’s go see The Lost World: Jurassic Park.” “Why? If I wanted to see a giant, scaly monster screaming at people, I’d just invite your mother over.”
17. The Computer Virus: “My doctor says I have a ‘Windows 95’ virus.” “Is it serious?” “No, I just crash every time I try to do two things at once.”
18. The First Night: A newlywed guy asks his friend, “How was it?” “Like the movie Contact. A lot of expensive equipment, plenty of noise, but in the end, nobody could prove anything actually happened.”
19. The Fashion Police: “Do these jeans make me look like a Spice Girl?” “Yeah, Old Spice.”
20. The Harry Potter Hype: In 1997, the first book came out. A guy says, “I wish I had a magic wand.” His wife says, “Honey, you do. It’s just that the battery is dead and the wizard is retired.”
21. The Teletubby Terror: Why are men like Teletubbies? They have a TV on their stomach, they’re oddly shaped, and you have to wonder what they’re actually thinking.
22. The Promotion: “I got promoted to ‘Senior Digital Strategist’!” “What do you do?” “I’m the only guy in the office who knows how to unjam the printer and hide the history on the shared computer.”
23. The Bar Bet: A guy bets his friend $50 he can name the most famous woman of 1997. The friend says, “Princess Diana.” The guy says, “Wrong. It’s my wife—every time I walk into a bar, someone says ‘Oh no, not HIS wife again!'”
24. The Austin Powers Style: “Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?” “How about we just watch the news and you fall asleep on the recliner like every other night, Austin?”
25. The Viagra Trial #2: A 70-year-old guy takes the new pill. He calls his doctor: “It’s a miracle! I’m like a teenager!” The doctor says, “And your wife?” The guy says, “She’s still 70, but from here she looks like Cindy Crawford.”
26. The 90s Car: “Why is your love life like a ’97 Ford Taurus?” “It looks okay from a distance, but the transmission slips every time things get uphill.”
27. The Divorce: A guy tells his lawyer, “I want everything in the divorce. The house, the car, and the computer.” The lawyer asks, “What about the kids?” The guy says, “They’re 15. They already live on the computer anyway.”
28. The Mirror Check: A woman looks in the mirror and cries, “I’m losing my looks!” Her husband says, “Don’t worry, honey. I’m losing my memory, so it’ll be our little secret.”
29. The Office Rumor: “Did you hear about the guy who got fired for looking at ‘adult’ sites on the T1 line?” “No, what happened?” “He tried to claim it was ‘market research’ for the new office chair comfort study.”
30. The Flight: A man is on a plane. The stewardess asks, “Would you like dinner?” He asks, “What are my choices?” She says, “Yes or no.”
31. The Anniversary: “What are you getting your wife for your anniversary?” “I’m taking her to a deserted island.” “And for your next anniversary?” “I’m going back to pick her up.”
32. The Secretary #2: “My secretary is like a 56k modem. When she starts talking, I can’t use the phone for anything else.”
33. The Golfing Wife: A woman starts golfing. She asks her husband, “Do you think my game is improving?” He says, “Well, you’re spending less time in the woods than O.J. Simpson’s lawyers.”
34. The Beer Logic: Why is beer better than a girlfriend? A beer doesn’t have a mother.
35. The Tattoo: A guy gets “97” tattooed on his arm. His girlfriend asks why. He says, “That’s how many minutes it took me to convince you to let me get a tattoo.”
36. The Lie Detector: A guy brings home a 1997 state-of-the-art lie detector. He asks his wife, “Where were you?” She says, “At the mall.” BEEP! “Okay, at the neighbor’s.” DING! He says, “When I was your age, I didn’t even know where the neighbors lived!” The machine explodes.
37. The South Park Influence: “My husband is like Cartman. He’s loud, he’s rude, and he thinks ‘respect my authority’ works in the bedroom.”
38. The Fashion Tip: “If you want to look thin in 1997, just stand next to a desktop monitor. Everything looks small compared to those things.”
39. The Discovery: A woman finds a pair of panties in her husband’s car. She confronts him. He says, “Calm down! I’m just helping a friend move… very, very intimately.”
40. The Logic: A guy says, “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.”
41. The New Father: “Is it a boy or a girl?” “It’s a programmer. He came out and immediately asked for a faster connection and more snacks.”
42. The Cruise Ship: “This cruise is so romantic. It’s just like the movie!” “Honey, the movie ends with everyone freezing to death in the North Atlantic.” “Exactly. Peace and quiet.”
43. The Bar Interaction: A guy says to a girl, “I’m a millionaire.” She says, “In 1997 dollars or 1920 dollars?” He says, “In 1997 Italian Lire.” She walks away.
44. The Screening: “My wife won’t let me watch The Full Monty.” “Why not?” “She says she’s seen the ‘Half Monty’ for ten years and she’s not impressed with the sequel.”
45. The Job Interview: “Where do you see yourself in five years?” “Hopefully still trying to download this application form over my modem.”
46. The Parrot Part 4: The parrot sees the guy’s new digital camera. “Hey Steve! Now you can take pictures of your failures and save them on a floppy disk!”
47. The Late Night: A guy comes home at 4 AM. His wife says, “You’re late!” He says, “No, I’m just extremely early for tomorrow.”
48. The Scream: “Why did you scream during the movie?” “I thought the killer was my mother-in-law.” “But it was a giant dinosaur!” “Exactly. The resemblance was uncanny.”
49. The Exit: A man at a bar says, “My wife is an angel.” His friend says, “You’re lucky, mine is still alive.”