39 Presidential Jokes: The 2014 “Ice Buckets & Midterm Blues” Edition

In 2014, the American Presidency felt like an iPhone with a cracked screen—still functional, but the “Apps” (policies) were getting harder to swipe. It was the year of the “Tan Suit” crisis, the year the GOP took the Senate, and the year we realized that “Viral Challenges” were more organized than the federal budget.

The 2014 Executive Top 10: “Selfies & Strategies”

1. The Tan Suit Controversy: Why did a khaki suit cause a national emergency? Because in 2014, the only thing more polarizing than foreign policy was a President wearing a summer color before Labor Day.
2. The “No Strategy” Quote: Why was the President so honest about ISIS? Because in Washington, “I don’t have a strategy yet” is the political equivalent of “I’m waiting for the Wi-Fi to reconnect.”
3. The Ice Bucket Challenge: Why did politicians love pouring cold water on their heads? Because it was the only time in 2014 they could be “Transparent” and “Chilled” at the same time.
4. The Midterm “Shellacking” Part 2: Why did the GOP win the Senate in 2014? Because the voters decided that “Hope and Change” needed a “Check and Balance”—and a lot of new campaign commercials.
5. The Ebola Scare: Why was the White House “Ebola Czar” appointed? To prove that in 2014, you could have a “Czar” for everything except getting Congress to agree on a Friday lunch menu.
6. The Sochi Olympics: Why was the President not there? Because he realized that watching Vladimir Putin on ice was less fun than watching a “Subpoena” being served.
7. The Ellen Degeneres Oscar Selfie: Why was the White House jealous? Because even with the NSA’s help, they couldn’t get that many A-list celebrities into one frame without a tax audit.
8. The “Pen and Phone” Strategy: Why did Obama say he had a “Pen and a Phone”? Because he realized that if Congress wouldn’t talk to him, he could just write his own rules and call his friends at Netflix.
9. The Secret Service “Intruder” Incident: Why did a man jump the White House fence and get into the building? To prove that in 2014, “Security” was just a suggestion—kind of like the “Terms and Conditions” on an app.
10. The Cuba Thaw: Why did the U.S. restore relations with Cuba in ’14? Because the President decided that after 50 years, maybe a cigar and a classic car were better than a Cold War and a grumpy Castro.

The Full 2014 Presidential Jokes Archive

11. The Crimea Annexation: Why was the “Strongly Worded Letter” the primary weapon? Because in 2014, “Sanctions” were like a “Dislike” button on Facebook—they felt good, but didn’t change the post.
12. The “Selfie Stick” Invasion: Why were they banned from the White House? Because the Secret Service was afraid the President would use one to take a photo of a “Top Secret” briefing for his Instagram.
13. The Pharrell “Happy” Craze: Why did the White House use the song? To distract Americans from the fact that they weren’t actually that happy about the 2014 gas prices.
14. The Malala Yousafzai Nobel: Why was the President so supportive? To show that a teenager with a book is more powerful than a dictator with a drone (though the drones were still on the schedule).
15. The “Net Neutrality” Battle: Why did Obama support it? Because he realized that if the internet slowed down, his “Four More Years” photo would take three hours to load.
16. The Guardians of the Galaxy Release: Why did D.C. love Groot? Because “I am Groot” was more coherent than most of the floor speeches in the House of Representatives.
17. The Kim Jong-un “The Interview” Hack: Why was Sony in trouble? Because in 2014, a “Seth Rogen Movie” was considered a legitimate threat to global stability.
18. The Ferguson Protests: Why was the nation so divided? Because in 2014, we realized that “Progress” is a very slow walk on a very bumpy road.
19. The Amazon Drone Delivery Promise: Why was the White House skeptical? Because they knew that “Unmanned Aircraft” were only supposed to be used for “Diplomatic Persuasion,” not for delivering cat food.
20. The “Bring Back Our Girls” Hashtag: Why was the First Lady so involved? To show that in 2014, a “Twitter Campaign” was the global version of a “Neighborhood Watch.”
21. The Interstellar Premiere: Why was everyone obsessed with black holes? Because it was the only thing in 2014 that could suck up more money than the Department of Defense.
22. The 10-Year Anniversary of Facebook: Why was the White House nostalgic? Because they remembered 2004, when “Poking” someone was the biggest political scandal on the platform.
23. The “Beto” O’Rourke Emergence: Why did D.C. start hearing his name? Because every year needs a “Cool Guy with a Guitar” to keep the political interns interested.
24. The “Lame Duck” Presidency: Why was it official in November? Because the President’s “To-Do” list was replaced by a “To-Veto” list.
25. The Taylor Swift “1989” Album: Why did everyone listen to it? Because in 2014, “Shaking it Off” was the only way to deal with the 24-hour cable news cycle.
26. The “Gruber” Healthcare Comments: Why were they a problem? Because in 2014, calling voters “Stupid” is a great way to make sure they remember to vote against you.
27. The Rosetta Comet Landing: Why was it a ’14 highlight? To prove that the ESA could land a robot on a rock 300 million miles away, but Washington still couldn’t land a budget on the President’s desk.
28. The Flint Water Crisis Begins: Why was it ignored at first? Because in 2014, “Infrastructure” was only something politicians talked about when they were standing in front of a shiny new bridge.
29. The Lego Movie Success: Why did the President like it? Because “Everything is Awesome” was the unofficial (and very sarcastic) motto of the 2014 economic briefings.
30. The Bitcoin “Satoshi” Search: Why did Newsweek fail? To prove that in 2014, the “Internet” can keep a secret better than a “Reporter” with a deadline.
31. The “Occupy Central” in Hong Kong: Why were umbrellas the symbol? To remind the world that “Democracy” needs protection from more than just a little rain.
32. The “Hot Mugshot Guy” Viral Fame: Why was this a 2014 thing? Because it proved that the internet values “Jawlines” more than “Justice.”
33. The Flappy Bird Removal: Why did the creator take it down? To show that in 2014, “Being too popular” was a valid reason to quit—unless you were a politician.
34. The Scotland Independence Vote: Why was the White House watching? To see if “Breaking Up” was as easy as a “Cabinet Resignation.”
35. The “Pieseł” (Doge) Meme Peaks: Why was it everywhere? Because “Much Wow” and “Such Political” was the only way to describe the 2014 midterm ads.
36. The Vladimir Putin Shirtless Photos: Why were they back? To remind the world that in 2014, “Hard Power” was mostly just a guy on a horse with no laundry service.
37. The Birdman Movie Release: Why did it win? Because a story about an “Actor trying to be relevant again” felt a lot like a “Second Term President” in late 2014.
38. The “You Didn’t Build That” Legacy: Why was it still a thing? Because the GOP decided that one sentence was worth more than a thousand policy papers.
39. The Final 2014 Vibe: Why was it “Cold”? Because between the Ice Bucket Challenge, the frosty relations with Russia, and the results of the midterms, the President ended the year in a very chilly D.C.