36 Presidential Jokes: The 2007 “iPhone & Hope” Edition

In 2007, the Presidency felt the first tremors of a digital and political earthquake. It was the year George W. Bush ordered “The Surge,” the year Steve Jobs put the internet in our pockets, and the year the phrase “Yes We Can” started to make the White House press corps very, very curious.

The 2007 Executive Top 10: “Touchscreens & Transitions”

1. The iPhone Launch: Why did the White House fear the iPhone in 2007? Because they realized that if every American had a camera and a touchscreen, the President would have to be “on the record” even while buying a pretzel.
2. The Obama Announcement: Why did Barack Obama announce his run in the freezing cold of Springfield? To prove that he had enough “Hope” to stay warm without a traditional Washington coat.
3. The Housing Bubble Creak: Why were the 2007 economists so calm? Because they thought a “Subprime Mortgage” was just a fancy way of saying “The house always wins,” until they realized the house was made of cards.
4. The “Surge” in Iraq: Why did Bush send 30,000 more troops in ’07? Because he decided that if he couldn’t win the argument at home, he’d try to win the security situation abroad by sheer force of numbers.
5. The Hillary Clinton Frontrunner Status: Why was Hillary so confident in 2007? Because her campaign staff convinced her that “Inevitable” was a legally binding term in the Democratic primary.
6. The Live Earth Concerts: Why was Al Gore everywhere in 2007? Because after winning an Oscar and a Nobel Peace Prize, he realized the only thing he hadn’t done was play bass for Spinal Tap.
7. The Alberto Gonzales Resignation: Why did the Attorney General finally leave? Because “I don’t recall” is a great legal defense, but a terrible way to win a staring contest with the Senate.
8. The Harry Potter Finale: Why did the White House staff read the last book? To see if “Dumbledore’s Army” was a new threat to the Department of Homeland Security.
9. The Mitt Romney “Dog on the Roof” Story: Why was this the 2007 scandal? To remind us that before we argued about health care, we argued about the aerodynamics of an Irish Setter.
10. The Vladimir Putin “Time Person of the Year”: Why was the White House annoyed? Because the President realized that “looking into his soul” didn’t stop Vlad from looking better on a magazine cover.

The Full 2007 Presidential Jokes Archive

11. The Lead Paint Toy Recall: Why were 2007 parents so mad? Because they realized their kids’ toys had more heavy metals than a Black Sabbath concert.
12. The “Google Street View” Launch: Why was the Secret Service nervous? Because for the first time, a guy in a van could do their job better than they could.
13. The Elizabeth Edwards Diagnosis: Why was the campaign so somber? Because it reminded the world that “Political Ambition” is nothing compared to real-life courage.
14. The Transformers Movie: Why did Bush like the movie? Because he also believed that a “total mess” could be fixed if you just threw enough CGI and explosions at it.
15. The Scooter Libby Pardon (Commutation): Why did the President commute the sentence? Because in 2007, “Justice” meant that your friends don’t go to jail, they just get a very stern look.
16. The Minneapolis Bridge Collapse: Why was the White House in shock? Because it’s hard to talk about “Building a Bridge to the 21st Century” when the ones in the 20th century are falling into the river.
17. The “Chocolate City” Controversy: Why was Ray Nagin in the news? To remind the President that after Katrina, every word in New Orleans had a bitter aftertaste.
18. The Larry Craig “Wide Stance” Incident: Why was the Minneapolis airport bathroom world-famous? To prove that in 2007, even a “Republican stance” could be misinterpreted.
19. The Facebook Open Registration: Why was the White House staff joining? To see if “Poking” a world leader was a valid form of diplomacy.
20. The “Send the Bill” Quote: Why did Bush say he’d veto everything? Because in 2007, his favorite hobby was exercising his “Veto Finger.”
21. The Ratatouille Premiere: Why did politicians love it? Because it’s a story about a rat who runs a kitchen—which is basically how most people view Congress.
22. The New England Patriots 16-0 Season: Why did the President call them? To ask if they could teach the Iraqi government how to actually finish a game.
23. The “Mac vs. PC” Ads: Why did D.C. relate? Because the Republicans felt like the uncool PC guy and the Democrats were the “Hope” guy with the hoodie.
24. The G-8 Summit in Germany: Why was the “Bush Massage” of Angela Merkel so weird? Because it was the first time “Physical Therapy” was used as a diplomatic icebreaker.
25. The Writers Guild Strike: Why were late-night shows so boring? Because without writers, we realized that politicians aren’t actually funny on their own.
26. The Burma Saffron Revolution: Why was the President supportive? To show that “Regime Change” sounds much better when the people doing it are monks.
27. The Michael Vick Scandal: Why was the White House involved? Because even the President knew that “Bad Dogs” are a PR disaster, whether they’re in the kennel or the Cabinet.
28. The Kindle Launch: Why did Amazon change reading in ’07? So politicians could hide the fact they were reading their own polls instead of actual legislation.
29. The “Bridge to Nowhere” Cancellation: Why did the Alaska bridge fail? Because in 2007, Americans decided they’d rather get “Nowhere” for free than pay $400 million for the trip.
30. The Rudy Giuliani Campaign: Why was the “Hero of 9/11” losing? Because “9/11” is a date, not a health care plan or a tax policy.
31. The Sopranos Finale: Why was the D.C. elite confused by the “Black Screen”? Because they were used to endings where someone gets subpoenaed, not just… nothing.
32. The “No Child Left Behind” Anniversary: Why was it bitter? Because by 2007, everyone realized that “Testing” doesn’t mean “Learning,” it just means “Sweating.”
33. The Mike Huckabee Surge: Why did the guitar-playing governor do so well? Because in 2007, being “Fun” was the best way to distract people from being “Conservative.”
34. The Jenna Bush Engagement: Why was the White House happy? Because a wedding meant one weekend where the press would ask about “Cakes” instead of “Casualties.”
35. The Barry Bonds Home Run Record: Why was it a 2007 debate? To prove that in America, even our “Heroes” have a “Steroid” asterisk next to their names.
36. The Final 2007 Vibe: Why was it “Electric”? Because the iPhone was in our hands, the economy was on the edge, and we ended the year realizing that 2008 was going to be the most expensive, most digital, and most historical year ever.