34 Presidential Jokes: The 2009 “Inaugurations & Incentives” Edition

In 2009, the American Presidency traded “Strategery” for “Hope,” but the bills from the previous year were still on the desk. It was the year of the trillion-dollar stimulus, the year the Teleprompter became the most famous member of the Cabinet, and the year the Nobel Committee decided that “Future Potential” was enough for a gold medal.

The 2009 Executive Top 10: “Change & Cash Flow”

1. The Record-Breaking Inauguration: Why was the 2009 Inauguration so crowded? Because two million people wanted to be there just in case the “Hope” ran out before the first press conference.
2. The Nobel Peace Prize Surprise: Why did Obama win the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009? Because the committee decided that “Not being the other guy” was the greatest contribution to world peace in a decade.
3. The “Stimulus” Package: Why was it called a “Recovery Act”? Because “Giving Banks a Billion Dollars and Hoping for the Best” didn’t test well with focus groups.
4. The Teleprompter Obsession: Why did the press tease the President about his Teleprompter? Because they were jealous that a piece of glass had a better “Approval Rating” and fewer “Gaffes” than any of them.
5. The “Beer Summit”: Why did the President invite a cop and a professor to have a beer? To prove that in 2009, there was no racial tension in America that couldn’t be solved by a cold Bud Light and a photo op.
6. The Rise of the Tea Party: Why did they name it after tea? Because “The Coffee Party” sounded too much like a group of people who actually wanted to stay awake and read the 2,000-page health care bill.
7. The “You Lie!” Outburst: Why did Joe Wilson yell during the Joint Session? To remind the world that “Civil Discourse” in 2009 was officially being replaced by “Internet Comment Section” logic.
8. The Sully Sullenberger Landing: Why was the White House so happy about the “Miracle on the Hudson”? Because it was the only “Soft Landing” anyone saw in the entire year of 2009.
9. The “Obamacare” Town Halls: Why were the 2009 town halls so loud? Because it was the first time Americans realized that “Health Care Reform” involved reading—and they were very, very angry about it.
10. The First Dog (Bo): Why did the Obamas get a Portuguese Water Dog? Because after the 2008 campaign, they needed a friend in Washington who was hypoallergenic and didn’t have a book deal.

The Full 2009 Presidential Jokes Archive

11. The Cash for Clunkers Program: Why did the government buy old cars? To prove that the best way to save the environment is to turn a 1998 Ford Explorer into a very expensive cube of scrap metal.
12. The “Shovel-Ready” Jobs: Why was that phrase so popular? Because it turns out that in 2009, the only thing “Ready” was the shovel, not the actual job.
13. The Avatar Premiere: Why did the President like the movie? Because he also felt like he was a “New Guy” in a strange land, trying to talk to people who were blue (mostly because of the economy).
14. The GM Bankruptcy: Why did the government take over General Motors? To make sure that “The General” finally had to report to “The Commander-in-Chief.”
15. The Swine Flu Panic: Why were we all using hand sanitizer in ’09? Because we decided that “H1N1” was scarier than the “Dow Jones” for exactly three months.
16. The Michael Jackson Passing: Why was the White House so quiet in June? Because for one week, the entire world stopped caring about “Policy” and started practicing the “Moonwalk.”
17. The Twitter Diplomacy: Why did the State Department ask Twitter to stay up during the Iranian protests? To prove that a 140-character message is more powerful than a formal diplomatic letter.
18. The Sonia Sotomayor Appointment: Why was she a 2009 milestone? To show that “The Wise Latina” was exactly what the Supreme Court needed to balance out all the “Grumpy Men in Robes.”
19. The Kanye West “VMA” Incident: Why did Obama call Kanye a “Jackass”? To prove that even the President of the United States can’t resist a hot take on celebrity drama.
20. The “Death Panels” Myth: Why was it so effective? Because in 2009, people actually believed the government was hiring a “Grim Reaper” for the Department of Health and Human Services.
21. The Bank Stress Tests: Why were they called “Stress Tests”? Because “Telling Wall Street to Calm Down” wasn’t scientific enough for the Treasury.
22. The Captain Phillips Rescue: Why was it a win for the White House? Because it proved that “Navy SEALs” are the best way to handle a “Foreign Policy” issue that involves a lifeboat.
23. The G-20 in Pittsburgh: Why Pittsburgh? To show the world that America’s “Industrial Future” now involved very nice parks and a lot of tech startups.
24. The Hangover Movie Hit: Why did D.C. love it? Because “I woke up in a strange place and I don’t remember what happened to my money” was the official slogan of the 2009 Treasury.
25. The “Bow” to the Japanese Emperor: Why was the GOP so mad? Because they believed a President should only bend his knees if he’s looking for a lost golf ball.
26. The Cairo Speech: Why did the President go to Egypt? To tell the Middle East “Let’s be friends,” and then spend the next seven years wondering why they didn’t text back.
27. The Balloon Boy Hoax: Why did the White House watch the news? To see if “Distracting the Public with a Fake UFO” was a viable strategy for the 2010 midterms.
28. The Bitcoin Launch: Why did the government ignore it in ’09? Because they figured “Imaginary Internet Money” would never be as stable as “Printed-Out-of-Thin-Air Bailout Money.”
29. The “AIG Bonus” Outrage: Why were the executives getting bonuses? Because apparently, failing so hard you bankrupt the world is a performance-based metric in New York.
30. The FarmVille Obsession: Why was everyone playing it? Because “Running a Virtual Farm” was the only way most Americans could feel like they had a job in 2009.
31. The Net Neutrality Debate: Why did it start in ’09? Because the government realized that the internet was too important to be left to the people who actually built it.
32. The Slumdog Millionaire Oscar: Why did it resonate? Because in 2009, everyone in America felt like they were one “Final Question” away from losing everything or winning it all.
33. The “Fat Cat” Bankers Quote: Why did Obama call them that? To remind Wall Street that he knew where their expensive lunches were coming from—the taxpayers.
34. The Final 2009 Vibe: Why was it “Exhausting”? Because we started with a party, ended with a protest, and realized that “Change” takes a lot more than a cool poster and a Nobel Prize.