38 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2023 “Pooh, Piling On & Expendable Icons” Edition

In 2023, the 44th Razzie Awards feasted on a childhood icon turned nightmare and a group of aging action stars who proved that some franchises should stay retired. It was the year of a slasher bear, a double win for a former “Transformers” star, and a leprechaun accent that could peel paint off a wall.

The 2023 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Honey, Hired Guns & Horror”

1. The Pooh Sweep: Why did Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey win 5 Razzies? Because it’s the only movie that answers the question: “What happens when you let a public domain bear loose with a sledgehammer and a micro-budget?” 
2. Megan Fox’s Double Feature: Why did she win Worst Actress and Worst Supporting Actress? For Johnny & Clyde and Expend4bles—proving that in 2023, she was the undisputed queen of movies that most people only saw in a TikTok montage. 
3. Expend4bles’ Fatigue: Why was it a target? Because the fourth movie in a series about aging mercenaries felt like watching a group of guys trying to figure out a new TV remote for two hours. 
4. Jon Voight’s Lucky Charms: Why did he win Worst Actor for Mercy? For an Irish accent so “leprechaun-like” it’s now being used as a training video for how to definitely not sound like you’re from Dublin. 
5. The Exorcist: Believer’s Price Tag: Why was it a target? For proving that spending $400 million on rights to a horror franchise is a great way to ensure the only thing “possessed” is the studio’s bank account. 
6. Sylvester Stallone’s Record: Why did he win Worst Supporting Actor? To cement his legacy as the “All Time Razzie Champion”—at this point, he has more Razzies than some actors have actual fans. 
7. The Pooh & Piglet Couple: Why did they win Worst Screen Couple? Because their chemistry as “blood-thirsty slashers” was about as romantic as a car crash in a swamp. 
8. Shazam’s Sophomore Slump: Why was Fury of the Gods hit? For proving that even with a giant dragon and a lot of Skittles, you can’t make people care about a superhero with a mid-life crisis. 
9. Ant-Man’s Tiny Mistake: Why did Quantumania break the MCU’s 16-year “no Razzie” streak? For proving that a movie set entirely inside a CGI lava lamp is a great way to lose an audience. 
10. The Razzie Redeemer – Fran Drescher: Why did she win? For leading the actors’ guild through the 2023 strike with more grace than any of her 1998 nominees—proving that real-life leadership beats a bad movie script any day. 

The Full 2023 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey? Because it’s the only movie that makes you miss the days when Pooh only worried about a honey shortage.
12. Worst Actor: Why Jon Voight? For proving that even an Oscar winner can sound like they’re auditioning for a cereal commercial if the script is bad enough.
13. Worst Actress: Why Megan Fox? For Johnny & Clyde, a film so small it could be hidden behind a single blade of grass.
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Sylvester Stallone? For playing a character in Expend4bles who seemed to be there primarily to remind us he was also in the first three.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Megan Fox (again)? For Expend4bles, where she proved that her “merciless mercenary” skill mostly involves walking in slow motion.
16. Worst Director: Why Rhys Frake-Waterfield? For proving that just because something is in the public domain doesn’t mean you should film it.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why Blood and Honey? For a script that was clearly written on the way to the set in a very fast car.
18. Worst Remake, Rip-off or Sequel: Why the Pooh slasher? For “ripping off” our childhood memories and replacing them with a cheap mask and a lot of red corn syrup.
19. Worst Screen Couple: Why Pooh and Piglet? Because watching a man in a bear mask and a man in a pig mask hold hands was the scariest part of 2023.
20. The “Exorcist” Investors: Why were they nominated for Worst Couple? Because the Razzies felt that anybody who spent $400 million on that remake deserved a public roasting.
21. The “Fast X” Burn: Why Vin Diesel? For proving that “family” is the only thing longer than this franchise’s run.
22. The “Ghosted” Chemistry: Why Chris Evans and Ana de Armas? For proving that you can be two of the most beautiful people on Earth and still have the spark of a wet matchstick.
23. The “Meg 2” Logic: Why Jason Statham? For proving that fighting a prehistoric shark is only interesting for the first… well, it was never really that interesting.
24. The “Magic Mike’s Last Dance” Vibe: Why Salma Hayek? For a sequel that was so “last” it actually felt like it was moving in slow motion.
25. The “Five Nights at Freddy’s” Burn: Why was it hit? For taking a terrifying game and turning it into a movie where the most dangerous thing was the popcorn prices.
26. The “Indiana Jones” Subtitle: Why was it called The Dial of… Still Beating a Dead Horse? Because the Razzies felt Indy should have stayed in the museum ten years ago.
27. Worst Actor Runner-up: Why Russell Crowe for The Pope’s Exorcist? For proving that even on a scooter, he can’t outrun a bad script.
28. Worst Actress Runner-up: Why Jennifer Lopez for The Mother? For a movie where her main character trait was “looking intensely at a forest.”
29. Worst Supporting Actor Runner-up: Why Mel Gibson for Confidential Informant? For being the Razzies’ favorite “straight-to-VOD” target of the year.
30. Worst Supporting Actress Runner-up: Why Kim Cattrall for About My Father? For making everyone wish she had just stayed in the Sex and the City spin-off.
31. The “Haunted Mansion” Burn: Why was it hit? For being a movie about a ride that was about as exciting as standing in the actual line for the ride.
32. The “Pope’s Exorcist” Accent: Why the Pope? For being played by a man who looked like he was in a completely different movie.
33. The “Johnny & Clyde” CGI: Why was it hit? For having a giant demon that looked like it was rendered on a microwave.
34. The “Dial of Destiny” Length: Why was it hit? Because watching an 80-year-old run for 154 minutes is a test of human endurance.
35. The “Mercy” Vibe: Why Jon Voight? For an action movie so quiet it actually lived up to its title.
36. The “Mortal Kombat” Voice-over: Why was Megan Fox joked about? For a video game performance that was so bored it actually put the players to sleep.
37. The “Expend4bles” Title: Why the “4”? Because that’s the number of people who actually enjoyed it according to the Razzies.
38. The 2023 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because it was the year a low-budget bear became a king of bad movies, proving that in Hollywood, even a childhood friend can stab you in the back.