38 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2009 “Transformers, G.I. Joe & Sandra’s Double Header” Edition

In 2009, the 30th Razzie Awards celebrated a year of true cinematic extremes. It was the year Michael Bay turned giant robots into a chaotic mess of metal and crude jokes, but most importantly, it was the year Sandra Bullock proved she’s a legend by accepting her Razzie in person just 24 hours before winning an Oscar.

The 2009 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Metal, Marbles & Milestones”

1. Sandra’s Red Wagon: Why did Sandra Bullock win Worst Actress for All About Steve? Because she showed up to the ceremony with a wagon full of DVDs to hand out to the voters, telling them they clearly didn’t watch the movie properly.
2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’s Mess: Why did it win Worst Picture? Because Michael Bay decided that the only thing better than giant robots was giant robots with testicles and a script that felt like it was written during a car crash.
3. The G.I. Joe Camouflage: Why was G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra a target? Because the “accelerator suits” were just a fancy way of hiding the fact that nobody on screen knew what they were doing.
4. Land of the Lost’s Budget: Why was Will Ferrell nominated? Because spending $100 million on a movie about a man fighting a CGI lizard named “Grumpy” is the kind of math that only leads to a Razzie.
5. The Twilight Eclipse: Why was the saga hit? Because the Razzies realized that “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob” both suffered from the same problem: “Team Bad Acting.”
6. Megan Fox’s Double Whammy: Why was she nominated for Transformers and Jennifer’s Body? Because in 2009, her primary job was looking surprised while things exploded behind her in slow motion.
7. The Jonas Brothers’ Debut: Why did they win Worst Actor? Because their 3D concert movie proved that having a hit song doesn’t mean you can handle the emotional depth of… well, themselves.
8. Old Dogs’ Bite: Why were John Travolta and Robin Williams nominated? For proving that watching two comedy legends struggle with a “toddler and a dog” comedy is a form of psychological endurance test.
9. The Pink Panther 2’s Existence: Why was Steve Martin nominated? For proving that some “Inspectors” should have stayed in retirement along with their fake French accents.
10. The Worst Picture of the Decade: Why was Battlefield Earth brought back? To remind everyone that no matter how bad 2009 was, John Travolta’s alien dreadlocks still hold the crown.

The Full 2009 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? Because it’s the only movie that lasts two and a half hours but somehow feels like a decade.
12. Worst Actor: Why The Jonas Brothers? For proving that three heads are not better than one when they’re all wearing purity rings and staring blankly into a 3D camera.
13. Worst Actress: Why Sandra Bullock? For All About Steve, where she played a crossword puzzle addict who was the only person in the world more confused than the audience.
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Billy Ray Cyrus for Hannah Montana: The Movie? For proving that “achy breaky hearts” apply to movie critics too.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Sienna Miller for G.I. Joe? For playing a villain who was supposedly dangerous but was mostly just a victim of a bad wig.
16. Worst Director: Why Michael Bay? For proving that if you can’t make a scene good, you can at least make it loud enough to rattle the theater’s plumbing.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why Transformers 2? For having a plot that was literally incoherent—partly because it was written during a writers’ strike, and it showed.
18. Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel: Why Land of the Lost? For taking a 70s classic and turning it into a movie where Will Ferrell pours dinosaur urine on himself.
19. Worst Screen Couple: Why Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper? Because the only thing they shared was a mutual desire to be in a different movie.
20. The “Transformers” Twins: Why were they a joke? Because the Razzies felt that “Skids and Mudflap” were the most offensive things to happen to animation since the invention of the skip button.
21. The “Twilight” Glitter: Why was it hit? For proving that vampires don’t sparkle—they just reflect the bad lighting of a poorly written romance.
22. The “G.I. Joe” CGI: Why was it mocked? Because the underwater base looked like it was rendered on a calculator.
23. The “Imagine That” Burn: Why Eddie Murphy? For playing a businessman whose career is saved by his daughter’s imaginary world—the same world Eddie Murphy’s agent apparently lives in.
24. The “Observe and Report” Vibe: Why Seth Rogen? For a comedy so dark and uncomfortable that the only thing people were observing was the exit sign.
25. The “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li” Failure: Why was it hit? For proving that you can’t spell “Legend” without “End,” which is what happened to this franchise.
26. Worst Actor Runner-up: Why Will Ferrell? For proving that his “shouting man” persona is less funny when he’s being chased by a prehistoric bird.
27. Worst Actress Runner-up: Why Megan Fox? For realizing that Michael Bay views actresses the same way he views cars: as something shiny to blow up.
28. Worst Supporting Actor Runner-up: Why Robert Pattinson? For spending the whole movie looking like he was trying to hold back a sneeze or a laugh.
29. Worst Supporting Actress Runner-up: Why Candice Bergen for Bride Wars? For proving that even a legend can get caught in a cinematic catfight.
30. The “Dragonball Evolution” Joke: Why was it a target? For taking a legendary anime and turning it into a high school movie that nobody, especially fans, wanted to see.
31. The “Fame” Remake: Why was it hit? For proving that “remembering my name” is hard when the movie is this forgettable.
32. The “Did You Hear About the Morgans?” Burn: Why Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker? For a romantic comedy that had all the warmth of a frozen dinner.
33. The “Year One” Logic: Why Jack Black and Michael Cera? For proving that the Stone Age was probably more fun to live through than this movie was to watch.
34. The “Couples Retreat” Vibe: Why was it hit? For being a 90-minute tourism ad for Bora Bora that forgot to pack a script.
35. The “Surrogates” Joke: Why Bruce Willis? For playing a man who uses a robot to live his life—which explains his acting style for the last ten years.
36. The “Pink Panther 2” Burn: Why the fake accent? Because Steve Martin’s “Clouseau” sounded less like a Frenchman and more like someone having a stroke in a bakery.
37. The “All About Steve” Boots: Why the red boots? Because they were the only thing in the movie more distracting than the plot.
38. The 2009 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because Sandra Bullock’s courage to face the Razzies made it clear that you can be the “worst” and the “best” in the same weekend, as long as you have a sense of humor.