38 Grammy Jokes: The 2003 “Norah Jones & The Great Chill” Edition

In 2003, the 45th Grammy Awards were dominated by a 23-year-old newcomer who made whispering into a microphone the most profitable career move of the decade. It was the year Norah Jones swept the big categories, Eminem looked confused, and Bruce Springsteen reminded everyone that he still owns the city of New York.

The 2003 Red Carpet Top 10: “Velveteen & Vintage”

1. The Norah Jones Storm: Why did Come Away with Me win Album of the Year? Because the Academy found it so soothing they actually forgot to nominate anyone else for the big prizes.
2. Eminem’s Déjà Vu: Why did The Eminem Show lose the top prize? Because for the third year in a row, the Grammys decided that a polite girl with a piano is much less scary than a guy in a hoodie.
3. Avril Lavigne’s Tie: Why was she the talk of the carpet? Because she proved that in 2003, all you needed to be “Punk” was a tank top, a man’s necktie, and a lot of eyeliner.
4. The Boss’s Tribute: Why did The Rising win so many Rock awards? Because Bruce Springsteen turned a national tragedy into a Grammy-winning masterpiece, and nobody says “no” to Bruce.
5. Ashanti’s Debut: Why was she everywhere? Because in 2002-2003, if a song didn’t feature Ashanti giggling in the intro, it wasn’t allowed on the radio.
6. The White Stripes: Why did they win Best Alternative Album? Because Jack White convinced the world that the only colors that exist are Red, White, and Black—and the Academy believed him.
7. Sheryl Crow’s “Soak Up the Sun”: Why was it a hit? To remind us that even in February, Sheryl Crow is always three minutes away from a beach party.
8. Justin Timberlake’s Solo Flight: Why was he there without ‘N Sync? Because he realized that “Cry Me a River” was a much better career move than matching denim outfits with four other guys.
9. The Dixie Chicks’ Last Glory: Why did they win Best Country Album? Because it was the calm before the political storm that would eventually make them the most controversial band in America.
10. Kelly Clarkson’s First Appearance: Why was she there? To prove that winning American Idol actually came with a ticket to the big leagues, even if she didn’t win a trophy yet.

The Full 2003 Grammy Jokes Archive

11. Best New Artist: Why Norah Jones? Because calling her “New” was the only way the Grammys could justify giving her five awards in ten minutes.
12. Record of the Year: Why “Don’t Know Why”? Because it was the official soundtrack for every Starbucks on the planet.
13. Song of the Year: Why “Don’t Know Why”? Because even the songwriter probably didn’t know why it was so incredibly catchy.
14. Best Pop Vocal Album: Why Norah Jones? Because “Pop” apparently stands for “People Often Pause” to listen to her voice.
15. Best Female Pop Vocal: Why Norah Jones? (Are we seeing a pattern yet?).
16. Best Male Pop Vocal: Why John Mayer for “Your Body Is a Wonderland”? Because in 2003, every college guy with an acoustic guitar owed him 10% of their social life.
17. Best Pop Collaboration: Why Santana & Michelle Branch for “The Game of Love”? Because Carlos Santana realized that guest vocalists are his “Infinity Stones.”
18. Best Rock Album: Why The Rising? Because Bruce Springsteen is the only person who can make New Jersey sound like a spiritual experience.
19. Best Rock Song: Why “The Rising”? Because the Grammys love a song that feels like a hug from a legend.
20. Best Hard Rock Performance: Why “All My Life” by Foo Fighters? Because Dave Grohl is the only man who can scream for four minutes and still be the nicest guy in the room.
21. Best Metal Performance: Why “Here to Stay” by Korn? Because the Grammys finally accepted that baggy pants and 7-string guitars were “staying” for a while.
22. Best Alternative Music Performance: Why A Rush of Blood to the Head? Because Coldplay became the band for people who wanted to feel deep emotions without getting their hair messy.
23. Best R&B Album: Why Voyage to India by India.Arie? Because after getting zero awards the year before, the Grammys finally checked their mail and found her talent.
24. Best R&B Song: Why “Love of My Life (An Ode to Hip Hop)”? Because Erykah Badu and Common proved that a breakup song about a genre is the most Neo-Soul thing ever.
25. Best Rap Solo Performance (Female): Why Missy Elliott for “Work It”? Because she flipped her song and reversed it, and the Academy is still trying to figure out the lyrics.
26. Best Rap Solo Performance (Male): Why Nelly for “Hot in Herre”? Because he gave everyone permission to take off all their clothes, which was very helpful for the stuffy Grammy audience.
27. Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: Why OutKast for “The Whole World”? Because even when they aren’t releasing an album, they’re still better than the whole world.
28. Best Rap Album: Why The Eminem Show? Because even a “polite” Grammy year needs at least one guy who’s willing to get censored 40 times.
29. Best Country Album: Why Home by the Dixie Chicks? Because it was the last time the Country music industry let them have the keys to the house.
30. Best Female Country Vocal: Why Faith Hill? Because she has a permanent reserved parking spot at the Nashville Grammy office.
31. Best Male Country Vocal: Why “Give Me the Reason” by Johnny Cash? Because the Man in Black wins trophies even when he’s just clearing his throat.
32. Best Dance Recording: Why “Days Go By” by Dirty Vegas? Because that Mitsubishi commercial was so popular the Grammys thought it was a movie.
33. Best Comedy Album: Why Robin Williams – Live on Broadway? Because you can’t give an award to a hurricane, so they gave it to Robin instead.
34. Best Spoken Word Album: Why A Series of Unfortunate Events? Because it’s the perfect description of what happens to anyone nominated in the same category as Norah Jones.
35. Best Musical Show Album: Why Hairspray? Because you can’t stop the beat, and you certainly can’t stop a Broadway hit from winning a Grammy.
36. Best Score Soundtrack: Why The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring? Because Howard Shore’s music is the only thing more epic than the movie itself.
37. Best Producer of the Year: Why Arif Mardin? Because he was the secret architect behind the Norah Jones “Quiet Revolution.”
38. The 2003 Final Grammy Vibe: Why was it a classic? Because it was the night the “Chill” won the “Thrill,” proving that in 2003, the Grammys preferred a latte and a piano over a rap battle and a chainsaw.