35 Grammy Jokes: The 2017 “Adele’s Heartbreak & Lemonade Justice” Edition

In 2017, the 59th Grammy Awards were a showdown between two of the greatest vocalists of our time. Adele swept the big three awards for the second time, but spent her speech telling the world that Beyoncé’s Lemonade was the album of the decade, while Chance the Rapper became the first independent artist to rule the newcomer category.

The 2017 Red Carpet Top 10: “Flower Crowns, Gold Armor & Blue Tuxedos”

1. Beyoncé’s Pregnancy Glow: Why did Beyoncé look like a literal sun goddess? Because she performed while pregnant with twins, wearing enough gold and flowers to make a Roman emperor feel underdressed.
2. Adele’s Broken Trophy: Why did Adele break her Grammy? Because she wanted to give half to Beyoncé, proving that even the Academy’s favorites know when a masterpiece like Lemonade gets snubbed.
3. CeeLo Green’s Gold Robot: Why did CeeLo show up looking like a Ferrero Rocher or a C-3PO variant? To make sure that even if he didn’t win, he’d be the only person visible from a low-orbit satellite.
4. Chance the Rapper’s Overalls: Why did he win Best New Artist? Because he proved that you can beat the entire music industry while wearing a “3” hat and looking like you’re ready for a very stylish day of gardening.
5. Twenty One Pilots’ Pants: Why did they take their pants off to accept an award? To fulfill a pact they made years ago as nobodies—and to remind us that “Stressed Out” is easier to handle in your underwear.
6. Lady Gaga’s Metal Era: Why was she performing with Metallica? Because Gaga decided that being a pop icon wasn’t enough; she needed to prove she could stage-dive and scream better than most rock stars.
7. James Corden’s Carpool Entrance: Why was there a cardboard car? Because 2017 was the year you couldn’t be a celebrity without singing in a car with James Corden at least once.
8. The George Michael Tribute: Why did Adele stop and restart? Because she’s Adele, and she’d rather stop a live global broadcast than deliver a performance that wasn’t perfect for her idol.
9. Blue Ivy’s Prince Suit: Why was she the star of the front row? Because at five years old, she wore a pink Gucci suit as a tribute to Prince and looked more boss than 90% of the nominees.
10. Rihanna’s Flask: Why was she the most relatable person there? Because she spent the night sipping from a bedazzled flask and mouthing “I think it’s time for another shot” while the show dragged into its fourth hour.

The Full 2017 Grammy Jokes Archive

11. Album of the Year: Why 25? Because Adele found a way to make “Hello” the only word anyone said into a phone for an entire year.
12. Record of the Year: Why “Hello”? Because Adele’s voice is the only thing capable of traveling through time and space to apologize to an ex.
13. Song of the Year: Why “Hello”? (See: Adele’s permanent residency on the Grammy stage).
14. Best New Artist: Why Chance the Rapper? Because “coloring books” are apparently more profitable than major label contracts.
15. Best Rock Album: Why Tell Me I’m Pretty? Because Cage the Elephant proved that garage rock sounds better when it’s polished by a Grammy.
16. Best Rock Song: Why “Blackstar”? Because David Bowie’s final parting gift was so powerful that even the Academy couldn’t overlook it.
17. Best Alternative Music Album: Why Blackstar? Because Bowie didn’t just make an album; he made a disappearing act that left us all with a masterpiece.
18. Best Metal Performance: Why “Dystopia” by Megadeth? Because after 12 nominations, the Academy finally remembered that Dave Mustaine knows how to play a guitar.
19. Best R&B Album: Why Lalah Hathaway Live? Because if your dad is Donny Hathaway, soul music isn’t a career—it’s your DNA.
20. Best Urban Contemporary Album: Why Lemonade? Because Beyoncé turned heartbreak and a baseball bat into a cultural movement.
21. Best R&B Song: Why “Lake by the Ocean”? Because Maxwell is the only man who can make “water” sound like a romantic destination.
22. Best Rap Album: Why Coloring Book? Because the “Independent Era” officially started in 2017.
23. Best Rap Performance: Why “No Problem”? Because Chance the Rapper didn’t want any problems with the big labels—he just wanted their trophies.
24. Best Rap/Sung Collaboration: Why “Hotline Bling”? Because Drake turned a turtleneck sweater and some dad-dancing into a global phenomenon.
25. Best Rap Song: Why “Hotline Bling”? Because that can only mean one thing: a Grammy win.
26. Best Pop Solo Performance: Why “Hello”? Because Adele doesn’t just sing; she colonizes the charts.
27. Best Pop Duo/Group Performance: Why “Stressed Out”? Because Twenty One Pilots made being anxious the most popular thing in the world.
28. Best Pop Vocal Album: Why 25? (Adele again. She’s the 1996 Alanis Morissette of the 2010s).
29. Best Dance Recording: Why “Don’t Let Me Down”? Because The Chainsmokers and Daya created a drop that stayed in our heads for 18 months.
30. Best Dance/Electronic Album: Why Skin by Flume? Because the future of music sounds like a synthesizer having a beautiful mid-life crisis.
31. Best Country Album: Why A Sailor’s Guide to Earth? Because Sturgill Simpson made country music for people who usually hate country music.
32. Best Country Solo Performance: Why “My Church”? Because Maren Morris proved that a car radio is the holiest place in Nashville.
33. Best Reggae Album: Why Ziggy Marley? Because the “Marley” rule at the Grammys is more consistent than the laws of physics.
34. Best Music Video: Why “Formation”? Because Beyoncé’s vision was so strong it practically redefined how we watch 4-minute movies.
35. The 2017 Final Grammy Vibe: Why was it a legend? Because it was the night the “Indie Spirit” (Chance) won big, the “Rock Legend” (Bowie) was honored, and the “Queen of Hearts” (Adele) admitted that even with all the trophies, she’s still just a fan of the “Queen of everything” (Beyoncé).