34 Grammy Jokes: The 2007 “Not Ready to Make Nice & Sexy Back” Edition

In 2007, the 49th Grammy Awards were a masterclass in vindication. The Dixie Chicks swept the big three categories, proving that “taking a break” from country radio only makes the Academy love you more, while the “FutureSex/LoveSounds” era officially took over the dance floor.

The 2007 Red Carpet Top 10: “Skinny Ties, Vests & Revenge”

1. The Dixie Chicks’ Revenge: Why did Taking the Long Way win Album of the Year? Because they told the world they weren’t “ready to make nice,” and the Academy responded by giving them enough gold to start their own bank.
2. Justin’s “Sexy Back”: Why was Justin Timberlake the king of the night? Because he brought “Sexy Back” and the Academy was so grateful they didn’t even ask where it had gone in the first place.
3. Gnarls Barkley’s Costumes: Why did everyone love “Crazy”? Because CeeLo Green and Danger Mouse proved that you can win Grammys while dressed like characters from Star Wars or The Wizard of Oz.
4. The Carrie Underwood Era: Why did she win Best New Artist? Because she was the first American Idol winner that the Grammys actually treated like a real artist instead of a TV experiment.
5. Shakira’s Hips: Why was “Hips Don’t Lie” the performance of the night? Because after watching her, the Academy finally realized that hips are the most honest part of the human anatomy.
6. Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Return: Why did Stadium Arcadium win Best Rock Album? Because Flea and Anthony Kiedis proved that you can still be funky, shirtless, and Grammy-worthy well into your 40s.
7. Beyoncé’s “B’Day”: Why was she there? To remind everyone that “Irreplaceable” was the official breakup anthem for every person who owned a closet and a box “to the left.”
8. The Police Reunion Tease: Why was the opening so huge? Because watching Sting, Stewart, and Andy play together again was the only thing that could make a room full of celebrities act like screaming teenagers.
9. James Blunt’s “Beautiful”: Why was he nominated for everything? Because in 2006, it was legally required to play “You’re Beautiful” at every wedding, funeral, and grocery store opening.
10. Ludacris’s Win: Why did Release Therapy win Best Rap Album? Because Luda proved that you can have giant prosthetic arms in one video and win a prestigious award for “serious” rap the next.

The Full 2007 Grammy Jokes Archive

11. Album of the Year: Why Taking the Long Way? Because the “Long Way” apparently leads straight to the podium.
12. Record of the Year: Why “Not Ready to Make Nice”? Because being stubborn never sounded so professional.
13. Song of the Year: Why “Not Ready to Make Nice”? Because the Dixie Chicks realized that the best way to deal with a protest is to write a song that wins three Grammys.
14. Best New Artist: Why Carrie Underwood? Because her “Jesus, Take the Wheel” moment worked—he drove her straight to a Grammy win.
15. Best Rock Album: Why Stadium Arcadium? Because two discs of the Chili Peppers are better than one, especially when there’s a lot of bass slapping involved.
16. Best Rock Song: Why “Dani California”? Because it’s the only song that manages to summarize the history of rock and roll in four minutes while mentioning every state in the US.
17. Best Alternative Music Album: Why St. Elsewhere? Because Gnarls Barkley made us all go “Crazy,” and we’re still not over it.
18. Best Hard Rock Performance: Why “Woman” by Wolfmother? Because that riff was so 1970s it actually gave the audience bell-bottom jeans.
19. Best Metal Performance: Why “Eyes of the Insane” by Slayer? Because the Grammys like to keep things “balanced”—a little Celine Dion, a little Slayer.
20. Best R&B Album: Why The Breakthrough? Because Mary J. Blige doesn’t just sing; she exorcises her soul on stage, and the Academy felt the spirit.
21. Best Female R&B Vocal: Why “Be Without You”? Because Mary J. Blige stayed at the top of the charts longer than some world leaders stay in office.
22. Best Male R&B Vocal: Why “Heaven” by John Legend? Because his voice is the closest thing the Grammys have to a literal angel on the payroll.
23. Best Contemporary R&B Album: Why B’Day? Because it was Beyoncé’s birthday, and she gets what she wants.
24. Best Rap Album: Why Release Therapy? Because Ludacris decided to get serious, and the Academy loves it when a rapper stops talking about “Move B***h” for five minutes.
25. Best Rap Solo Performance: Why “What You Know” by T.I.? Because in 2007, everyone knew that T.I. was the “King of the South.”
26. Best Rap/Sung Collaboration: Why “My Love”? Because Justin Timberlake and T.I. were the coolest duo since Batman and Robin, but with better hair.
27. Best Female Pop Vocal: Why “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera? No, it was “Ain’t No Other Man”—because she proved that she can out-sing everyone while sounding like a 1940s jazz club.
28. Best Male Pop Vocal: Why “Waiting on the World to Change” by John Mayer? Because he spoke for a generation that was too tired to actually go outside and change the world ourselves.
29. Best Pop Vocal Album: Why The Continuum? Because John Mayer decided to stop being a “wonderland” and start being a blues legend.
30. Best Dance Recording: Why “SexyBack”? Because Justin Timberlake brought it back, and the Grammys officially signed for the delivery.
31. Best Country Album: Why Taking the Long Way? (The Chicks again. They basically had to hire a moving truck for their trophies).
32. Best Female Country Vocal: Why “Jesus, Take the Wheel”? Because it’s the most successful driving lesson in music history.
33. Best Comedy Album: Why The Carnegie Hall Performance by Lewis Black? Because everyone in 2007 was just as angry as he was.
34. The 2007 Final Grammy Vibe: Why was it historic? Because it was the night the “Outcasts” (The Chicks) became the “In-Crowd,” proving that you can get banned from the radio and still own the biggest night in music—as long as you have the “SexyBack” of Justin Timberlake to keep the party going.