35 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2012 “Twilight’s End, Battleship & Sandler’s Solo” Edition

In 2012, the 33rd Razzie Awards finally got their revenge on the sparkling vampires. After years of nominations, the Twilight saga bowed out with a near-clean sweep, while a board game turned into a movie and Adam Sandler proved that even without a twin sister, he could still find his way to the podium.

The 2012 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Board Games, Braids & Bloodlines”

1. The Twilight Finale: Why did Breaking Dawn – Part 2 win 7 Razzies? Because the Razzies wanted to give the franchise a “parting gift” that was just as painful to receive as the movies were to watch.
2. Battleship’s Logic: Why was Battleship a target? Because turning a game where you sit in silence and say “D-4” into a $200 million alien invasion epic is the definition of “Hollywood reaching for ideas.”
3. Rihanna’s Debut: Why did she win Worst Supporting Actress? Because she proved that “S.O.S.” isn’t just a hit song—it’s also what the director should have signaled when he saw her trying to deliver lines.
4. That’s My Boy’s Family Values: Why was Adam Sandler back? Because playing a deadbeat dad who drinks beer for breakfast and screams at his son for two hours is a great way to follow up a 10-Razzie sweep.
5. The CGI Vampire Baby: Why was it mocked? Because “Renesmee” looked like a haunted Victorian doll that was possessed by a budget computer from 1998.
6. The “Worst Screen Couple” Record: Why did Mackenzie Foy and Taylor Lautner win? Because the “imprinting” plotline made the audience feel like they needed a shower and a lawyer.
7. Katherine Heigl’s One for the Money: Why was she nominated? For proving that being a “bounty hunter” in a romantic comedy is a career path that leads directly to the bargain bin.
8. Tyler Perry’s Drag Act: Why was Madea’s Witness Protection hit? Because the Razzies felt that Tyler Perry in a wig is a tradition that, much like fruitcake, nobody actually wants but keeps showing up.
9. The Ghost Rider Sequel: Why was Nic Cage nominated again? For Spirit of Vengeance, a movie that proved his skull isn’t the only thing that’s hollow in this franchise.
10. The Eddie Murphy “A Thousand Words” Silence: Why was it hit? Because a movie where Eddie Murphy isn’t allowed to speak sounds like a blessing, but in reality, it was just a quiet disaster.

The Full 2012 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2? Because it was the final opportunity to tell the world that “sparkling” is not a personality trait.
12. Worst Actor: Why Adam Sandler? For That’s My Boy, proving that he doesn’t need to play his own sister to be the most annoying person on screen.
13. Worst Actress: Why Kristen Stewart? For Twilight and Snow White and the Huntsman—proving that her emotional range is consistent across both vampires and fairy tales (and that range is “exhausted”).
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Taylor Lautner? For spending five movies acting with his abs instead of his face.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Rihanna? For proving that “battleship” is also the sound your acting career makes when it hits the water.
16. Worst Director: Why Bill Condon for Twilight? For successfully stretching a 10-page climax into a 2-hour movie where everyone just stands in a field.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why That’s My Boy? For jokes that were so “wrong” they weren’t even “funny-wrong”—they were just “why-is-this-happening-wrong.”
18. Worst Screen Ensemble: Why the entire cast of Twilight? Because after five movies, they all looked like they were just waiting for their checks to clear so they could go home.
19. Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel: Why Breaking Dawn – Part 2? Because it’s a sequel to a movie that was already a sequel to a bad idea.
20. Worst Screen Couple: Why Mackenzie Foy and Taylor Lautner? For the “imprinting” scene, which remains the weirdest thing ever committed to film.
21. The “Battleship” Board Game Joke: Why did it lose? Because even the Razzies admitted it was harder to sink than a movie with vampires.
22. The “Rock of Ages” Burn: Why Tom Cruise? For playing a rock star who looked like he was wearing a costume he stole from a wax museum.
23. The “Piranha 3DD” Vibe: Why was it hit? For proving that adding an extra “D” to the title doesn’t add any extra quality to the fish.
24. The “Gone” Burn: Why Amanda Seyfried? For a thriller that was so forgettable it actually lived up to its name.
25. The “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” Cast: Why were they nominated? For proving that having five famous pregnant women in a movie is just five times the screaming.
26. Worst Actor Runner-up: Why Nicolas Cage? For proving that he will continue to make sequels to movies that nobody liked the first time.
27. Worst Actress Runner-up: Why Katherine Heigl? For being the queen of movies that people only watch on basic cable at 2 AM.
28. Worst Supporting Actor Runner-up: Why David Hasselhoff for Piranha 3DD? For playing himself and still losing the “who is the most realistic” contest to a rubber fish.
29. Worst Supporting Actress Runner-up: Why Brooklyn Decker for Battleship and What to Expect? For the “model-to-actress” transition that the Razzies love to critique.
30. The “Resident Evil: Retribution” Joke: Why Milla Jovovich? For the fifth time the Razzies asked: “Is she still fighting those zombies?”
31. The “Total Recall” Remake: Why was it hit? For being a movie that made everyone wish they could have their memory of it erased.
32. The “Words” Failure: Why Bradley Cooper? For proving that even the “Sexiest Man Alive” can be in a movie that’s boring as a dictionary.
33. The “Red Dawn” Remake: Why was it hit? For a movie that sat on a shelf for three years, and probably should have stayed there.
34. The “Playing for Keeps” Burn: Why Gerard Butler? For a romantic comedy where the only thing “for keeps” was the audience’s regret.
35. The 2012 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because it was the year the Razzies finally put a stake in Twilight, proving that even the longest-running cinematic headaches eventually end.