34 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 1999 “Jar Jar, Spiders & Big Daddy” Edition

In 1999, the 20th Razzie Awards celebrated the end of the millennium by taking aim at a galaxy far, far away, a very “wild” west, and the dawn of the Adam Sandler era. It was the year Hollywood realized that even the most anticipated sequels could be “stinky,” and that Will Smith can, in fact, make a mistake.

The 1999 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Gungans, Gadgets & Gross-outs”

1. The Jar Jar Jinx: Why was Star Wars: Episode I a target? Because George Lucas introduced a character so annoying that even the Sith considered switching sides just to escape his dialogue.
2. Wild Wild West’s Giant Spider: Why did it sweep 5 Razzies? Because Will Smith turned down The Matrix to fight a steam-punk tarantula, proving that “big budget” doesn’t always mean “big brain.”
3. The Sandler Surge: Why was Big Daddy nominated? Because Adam Sandler proved that his special brand of “screaming at children” was a gold mine for Razzie voters, even if it made millions at the box office.
4. The Haunting’s CGI: Why was it a target? Because the ghosts were so over-designed they were less “scary” and more “reminded everyone of a bad screen saver.”
5. Heather Donahue’s Snot: Why did The Blair Witch Project get a nomination? Because the Razzies felt that if we had to watch a close-up of a nose for ten minutes, someone had to pay for it.
6. The World Is Not Enough: Why Denise Richards? Because playing a nuclear physicist named “Christmas Jones” is a level of casting bravery that only the 90s could achieve.
7. The End of Days: Why Arnold Schwarzenegger? For proving that even the Devil is less terrifying than Arnold trying to act like a depressed ex-cop.
8. Kevin Kline’s Drag: Why Wild Wild West? Because his “undercover” costume as a woman was so unconvincing it made RuPaul look like a biological miracle.
9. The Mod Squad: Why was it nominated? For taking a cool 70s show and turning it into a 90s movie that felt like a very long, very boring commercial for hair gel.
10. The Messianic Complex: Why The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc? Because Milla Jovovich spent two hours screaming at God, and the Razzies decided to scream back.

The Full 1999 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why Wild Wild West? Because it’s the only movie where the most talented performer was the giant mechanical spider.
12. Worst Actor: Why Adam Sandler? For making “baby talk” a legitimate acting choice for a 33-year-old man.
13. Worst Actress: Why Heather Donahue? For making “found footage” synonymous with “found a reason to complain.”
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Jar Jar Binks (Ahmed Best)? For being the first digital character to win a Razzie, proving that bad acting transcends biological limits.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Denise Richards? For making us believe that nuclear physics is mostly about wearing tight tank tops in a bunker.
16. Worst Director: Why Barry Sonnenfeld for Wild Wild West? For spending $170 million on a comedy that forgot to include the jokes.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why Wild Wild West? For having more gadgets than plot points and more puns than actual dialogue.
18. Worst New Star: Why Ahmed Best as Jar Jar Binks? Because “Me-sa think this is a bad idea” was the only honest line in the script.
19. Worst Screen Couple: Why Kevin Kline and Will Smith? Because their chemistry was like a firework that someone accidentally dropped in a bucket of water.
20. Worst Remake or Sequel: Why Psycho (still being punished) and The Haunting? Because some classics should be left in the dark where they belong.
21. The Will Smith Song: Why was the “Wild Wild West” track a joke? Because sampling Stevie Wonder to rap about a mechanical spider is a cry for help.
22. The Jake Lloyd Factor: Why was he nominated? Because the Razzies are heartless enough to realize that even a “chosen one” can give a wooden performance.
23. The “Bicentennial Man” Joke: Why Robin Williams? For proving that a robot with a heart of gold is still just a robot that talks way too much.
24. The “Inspector Gadget” Burn: Why Matthew Broderick? For making “Go-Go-Gadget” sound like a request for an early retirement.
25. The Sofia Coppola Legacy: Why were people still talking about The Godfather III? Because compared to Jar Jar, she was starting to look like Meryl Streep.
26. Worst Actor Runner-up: Why Kevin Costner for For Love of the Game? For proving that he can make baseball look as slow as a three-hour delivery of mail.
27. Worst Actress Runner-up: Why Catherine Zeta-Jones for Entrapment? For that scene where she maneuvers through lasers with her butt, which the Razzies called “cinematic high art” (sarcastic).
28. Worst Supporting Actor Runner-up: Why Kenneth Branagh in Wild Wild West? For playing a villain with no legs and an accent that came from a place that doesn’t exist on any map.
29. Worst Supporting Actress Runner-up: Why Juliette Lewis for The Other Sister? For a performance that felt more like a Razzie trap than a character.
30. The “Big Daddy” Urinating Joke: Why was it a target? Because the Razzies felt that a movie’s emotional peak shouldn’t involve a sidewalk.
31. The Ewan McGregor Snub: Why wasn’t he nominated? Because everyone felt sorry for him having to talk to a tennis ball pretending to be a Gungan.
32. The “Stigmata” Vibe: Why Patricia Arquette? For making a religious thriller feel like a very long, very sweaty music video.
33. The Budget Burn: Why Star Wars? Because $115 million is a lot of money to spend on a trade dispute in space.
34. The 1999 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because it closed out the 20th century by proving that no matter how much CGI you have, you can’t animate a soul into a bad movie.