33 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2017 “Emoji Movie, Mummies & Darker Shades” Edition

In 2017, the 38th Razzie Awards hit a new low—literally—by awarding Worst Picture to an animated film about phone icons. It was the year Hollywood tried to launch a “Dark Universe” that died on arrival, Mark Wahlberg proved he could be in two bad sequels at once, and the Fifty Shades saga continued to be the Razzies’ favorite punching bag.

The 2017 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Emojis, Exorcists & Expensive Ego Trips”

1. The Emoji Movie’s Victory: Why did The Emoji Movie win 4 Razzies? Because it’s the first time a major studio spent $50 million to prove that a literal piece of “poo” could be a leading character.
2. Tom Cruise’s Mummy: Why did Tom Cruise win Worst Actor? Because The Mummy was supposed to start a cinematic universe, but Tom’s performance was so loud and breathless it ended up burying the entire franchise in a shallow grave.
3. The Fifty Shades Darker Gloom: Why did it win Worst Remake, Rip-off or Sequel? Because the only thing “darker” than the title was the theater after half the audience left out of boredom.
4. Baywatch’s Special Award: Why did the Razzies create the “The Rotten Tomatoes Revenge” award? Because Baywatch was so bad that even the Rock’s charisma couldn’t stop it from drowning in a sea of terrible reviews.
5. Mark Wahlberg’s Double Trouble: Why was he nominated for Worst Actor? For Daddy’s Home 2 and Transformers: The Last Knight—proving that in 2017, Mark was the undisputed king of movies involving loud noises and zero logic.
6. Tyler Perry’s Boo 2!: Why was it a target? Because the Razzies decided that if Tyler Perry is going to keep putting on a wig every Halloween, they’re going to keep a trophy ready for him.
7. The Transformers’ Exhaustion: Why did The Last Knight lead the nominations? Because by the fifth movie, the only thing “Transformed” was the audience’s willingness to ever see a robot again.
8. Mel Gibson’s Return: Why was he nominated for Daddy’s Home 2? Because the Razzies felt that a family comedy was the perfect place to remind everyone why they weren’t sure about his comeback.
9. The Mother! Controversy: Why were Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem nominated? Because the Razzies found Darren Aronofsky’s “artistic allegory” to be less of a masterpiece and more of a 2-hour migraine.
10. The Razzie Redeemer – A Safe Haven: Why did no one win? Because in 2017, the Razzies felt that Hollywood was doing so poorly that nobody actually deserved a “get out of jail free” card.

The Full 2017 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why The Emoji Movie? Because it’s the only movie that makes you want to throw your phone into a lake after the first ten minutes.
12. Worst Actor: Why Tom Cruise? For The Mummy, where his primary acting choice was “running away from sand while looking confused.”
13. Worst Actress: Why Tyler Perry? For Boo 2! A Madea Halloween—because the Razzies still believe he is the most unconvincing woman in Hollywood history.
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Mel Gibson? For a performance that felt like he was just there to pick up a check and a few extra gray hairs.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Kim Basinger for Fifty Shades Darker? For proving that even an Oscar winner can’t survive a script written by a fan-fiction enthusiast.
16. Worst Director: Why Tony Leondis for The Emoji Movie? For convincing a studio that a movie about a “Meh” icon was a good idea.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why The Emoji Movie? For a script that was essentially just a series of app advertisements held together by a “poo” joke.
18. Worst Screen Combo: Why “Any Two Obnoxious Emojis”? Because the chemistry was as digital and soulless as an empty battery icon.
19. The “Fifty Shades” Elevator Scene: Why was it mocked? For proving that “steamy” and “elevator music” are two very different things.
20. The “Transformers” History: Why did it involve Nazis and King Arthur? Because Michael Bay clearly ran out of robots and started throwing a history textbook at the screen.
21. The “Mummy” Scream: Why was it a joke? Because Tom Cruise’s pre-CGI scream in the trailer was more entertaining than the actual movie.
22. The “Great Wall” Failure: Why Matt Damon? For a movie where his most impressive stunt was trying to explain why he was in 11th-century China.
23. The “Pirates of the Caribbean 5” Burn: Why Johnny Depp? For proving that Captain Jack Sparrow is now 100% rum and 0% charm.
24. The “House” Vibe: Why Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler? For a comedy about an illegal casino that was about as fun as losing your life savings.
25. The “Ghost in the Shell” Logic: Why Scarlett Johansson? For a movie so “empty” it actually managed to erase its own plot from the viewer’s mind.
26. The “Chips” Burn: Why Dax Shepard? For a remake that felt like a very long, very loud episode of a show nobody wanted back.
27. The “Geostorm” Vibe: Why Gerard Butler? For proving that he is the only actor who can save the world from weather while giving a performance that is “stiff and dry.”
28. The “Book of Henry” Twist: Why was it hit? For an ending so nonsensical it made the Razzies think they were hallucinating.
29. The “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword” Burn: Why Guy Ritchie? For turning a medieval legend into a fast-cutting music video that nobody asked for.
30. The “Snowman” Logic: Why Michael Fassbender? For a thriller where the most mysterious thing was why the director didn’t film the entire script.
31. The “Circle” Vibe: Why Tom Hanks and Emma Watson? For proving that a movie about social media can be more boring than actual social media.
32. The “Suburbicon” Burn: Why George Clooney? For a movie that tried to be a Coen Brothers film but ended up being a “No Brothers” film.
33. The 2017 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because it was the year a “Poop” Emoji won Worst Picture, officially matching the Razzies’ opinion of the year’s cinematic output.