33 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2005 “Dirty Love, Wax Houses & Couch Jumps” Edition

In 2005, the 26th Razzie Awards feasted on a year where high-profile romances overshadowed the movies themselves. It was the year of “TomKat,” a wax museum that no one wanted to visit, and Jenny McCarthy proving that some things—like her script—should have stayed private.

The 2005 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Wax, Wires & Wardrobe Malfunctions”

1. The Dirty Love Sweep: Why did Dirty Love win 4 Razzies? Because Jenny McCarthy decided to write, produce, and star in a film that made “gross-out comedy” feel like a legitimate reason to never eat again.
2. Paris Hilton’s Wax Job: Why did Paris win Worst Supporting Actress for House of Wax? Because playing a character whose most convincing scene is becoming a literal candle was the most honest acting of her career.
3. Tom Cruise’s Couch: Why did the Razzies create a “Most Tiresome Tabloid Targets” category? Because Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch was a better performance than anything he did in War of the Worlds.
4. The Son of the Mask: Why was it a target? Because replacing Jim Carrey with Jamie Kennedy is like replacing a Ferrari with a unicycle that has a flat tire.
5. Rob Schneider’s Gigolo: Why Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo? Because Rob Schneider proved that some jokes aren’t just “not funny”—they’re actually a form of international aggression.
6. The Dukes of Hazzard’s Shorts: Why was Jessica Simpson nominated? Because her acting range was entirely contained within the inseam of her denim micro-shorts.
7. Bewitched’s Lack of Magic: Why did Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman win Worst Screen Couple? Because their chemistry was so nonexistent that the nose-twitching felt like a nervous tic rather than a spell.
8. The Stealth Mission: Why was Stealth hit? Because a movie about an AI fighter jet that develops “feelings” turns out to be exactly as exciting as watching a toaster try to write poetry.
9. The Legend of Zorro’s Return: Why was it nominated? For proving that the only thing “Legendary” about the sequel was how fast audiences forgot it existed.
10. Alone in the Dark: Why Uwe Boll? Because he became the first director to treat a video game adaptation like a personal vendetta against the concept of entertainment.

The Full 2005 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why Dirty Love? Because the Razzies felt that a movie featuring a “period accident” as a comedic climax deserved every gold spray-painted berry in existence.
12. Worst Actor: Why Rob Schneider? For proving that he is “The King of the Bargain Bin,” even when the bargain is a ripoff.
13. Worst Actress: Why Jenny McCarthy? For a performance so loud and frantic it made Jim Carrey look like a silent film star.
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Hayden Christensen for Star Wars: Episode III? Because he finally became Darth Vader, but the Razzies still couldn’t forgive him for the “younglings” scene.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Paris Hilton? Because she proved that even in a horror movie, the scariest thing was her delivery of the word “Hey.”
16. Worst Director: Why John Asher for Dirty Love? For directing his then-wife in a movie that probably should have stayed as an inside joke in their living room.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why Dirty Love? For proving that just because you can write a sentence doesn’t mean you should write a movie.
18. Worst Remake or Sequel: Why Son of the Mask? Because the only thing it had in common with the original was a green face and a lot of regret.
19. Worst Screen Couple: Why Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell? For proving that a “magical” romance is impossible if the leads look like they’re waiting for different buses.
20. The Tom Cruise Mention: Why the “Tiresome Target”? For his crusade against psychiatry and his “Love for Katie Holmes” which felt more like a hostage situation.
21. The “House of Wax” Death: Why was it celebrated? Because the theater cheered louder for Paris Hilton’s character’s demise than they did for the actual plot.
22. The “Alone in the Dark” Logic: Why Tara Reid? For playing a brilliant archaeologist with the same level of intellectual depth as a wet noodle.
23. The “Aeon Flux” Vibe: Why Charlize Theron? For following up an Oscar win with a movie that proved even a black bodysuit can’t save a boring script.
24. The “Dukes of Hazzard” General Lee: Why was the car a runner-up? Because the 1969 Dodge Charger gave a more nuanced performance than Seann William Scott.
25. The “Fog” Remake: Why was it hit? For proving that some ghost stories are better left as “nothing but air.”
26. Worst Actor Runner-up: Why Tom Cruise? For War of the Worlds, where his screaming at aliens was only slightly less intense than his press tour.
27. Worst Actress Runner-up: Why Jessica Alba for Fantastic Four? For proving that being invisible is actually a great career move in a bad movie.
28. Worst Supporting Actor Runner-up: Why Burt Reynolds for The Longest Yard? For proving that he can remake his own movies and still find a way to get a Razzie nomination.
29. Worst Supporting Actress Runner-up: Why Carmen Electra for Dirty Love? For being the “sidekick” in a movie that was already a “side-swipe” to the head.
30. The “Underworld: Evolution” Joke: Why Kate Beckinsale? For proving that the only thing “evolving” in this franchise was the amount of blue tint on the lens.
31. The “Ring Two” Vibe: Why Naomi Watts? For proving that even a creepy well-girl can’t make a sequel feel fresh.
32. The Budget Burn: Why Stealth? Because $135 million is a lot to pay for a movie that made everyone want to go back to paper airplanes.
33. The 2005 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because it was the year “The Tabloids” officially became more entertaining than “The Movies,” and the Razzies were there to hand out the bill.