36 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2001 “Glitter, Green & Gorilla” Edition

In 2001, the 22nd Razzie Awards had an easy job. It was the year a pop diva tried her luck in cinema with catastrophic results, a comedian pushed the boundaries of bad taste with sausages, and Tim Burton made everyone miss the rubber masks of the 60s.

The 2001 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Sparkles, Sausages & Simians”

1. The Glitter Bomb: Why did Mariah Carey’s Glitter become a legend? Because it proved you can make a movie about superstardom that has less shine than a burnt-out lightbulb in a basement.
2. Tom Green’s Masterpiece: Why did Freddy Got Fingered sweep 5 awards? Because Tom Green personally showed up (with his own red carpet!) to prove that swinging sausages on strings was the peak of his artistic ambition.
3. Planet of the Snubs: Why was the Planet of the Apes remake a target? Because Tim Burton proved that with a massive budget and Mark Wahlberg, you can create an ending that even the screenwriters didn’t understand.
4. Pearl Harbor’s Length: Why was Michael Bay nominated? Because he turned a tragic history into a three-hour music video where the explosions have more personality than the lead actors’ love triangle.
5. The Movie vs. The Diva: Why did Mariah Carey win? Because her acting in Glitter was so “wooden” that environmentalists started worrying about rainforest deforestation for the sake of the script.
6. 3000 Miles to Graceland: Why were Kevin Costner and Kurt Russell nominated? Because dressing five guys as Elvis isn’t a plot—it’s just a very sad bachelor party in Las Vegas.
7. The Animal Instinct: Why was Rob Schneider in the crosshairs? Because in The Animal, he proved that an organ transplant from a beast doesn’t add talent, it just makes you lick your own hand more often.
8. Driven’s Speed: Why did Sylvester Stallone return to the nominations? Because he made a movie about Formula 1 racing that was so boring even the stunt car dummies were falling asleep at the wheel.
9. The Sweetest Thing: Why was Penelope Cruz nominated? Because 2001 was the year Hollywood decided to prove that European stars can star in American movies just as bad as everyone else’s.
10. The Ghosts of Mars: Why did John Carpenter make the list? Because fighting ghosts on Mars looked like leftovers from a heavy metal music video set in the 80s.

The Full 2001 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why Freddy Got Fingered? Because it’s the only movie in history that makes a proctology exam look like a fun afternoon.
12. Worst Actor: Why Tom Green? Because playing a man who paints deer and covers himself in flour isn’t a role—it’s a cry for help.
13. Worst Actress: Why Mariah Carey? For proving that high notes are no substitute for high-level acting.
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Charlton Heston? For appearing in three movies at once (Planet of the Apes, Town & Country, Cats & Dogs) and looking equally miserable in all of them.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Estella Warren? For being the only person on the Planet of the Apes who looked like she just stepped out of a lingerie catalog shoot.
16. Worst Director: Why Tom Green? Because giving him a camera was like giving a monkey a razor—someone was bound to get hurt.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why Freddy Got Fingered? Because the script was likely written on the back of a receipt from a joke shop.
18. Worst New Star: Why Mariah Carey? Because after this debut, the Razzies wanted to create a “Fastest Return to the Recording Studio” category.
19. Worst Screen Couple: Why Tom Green and any dead animal he humiliated on screen? Because that’s a relationship nobody asked to witness.
20. Worst Remake or Sequel: Why Planet of the Apes? For proving that the old masks from the 60s had more life in them than Burton’s CGI.
21. The Pearl Harbor Romance: Why were Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett mocked? Because their rivalry over Kate Beckinsale was less exciting than the line for hot dogs at the theater.
22. The Glitter Soundtrack: Why was it a problem? Because the movie was so bad that people stopped buying the CD, fearing their house would burn down if they put it in the player.
23. The Driven Gravity: Why were dummies falling out of the cars? Because the special effects were so cheap that gravity only worked on Mondays in that movie.
24. The Town & Country Disaster: Why was this nominated? Because spending $90 million on a comedy about cheating seniors that nobody watched is the financial equivalent of a swan dive into an empty pool.
25. The Cats & Dogs Vibe: Why did it end up here? Because watching talking animals fight on screen was the only time people actually missed Jar Jar Binks.
26. Worst Actor Runner-up: Why Kevin Costner? For 3000 Miles to Graceland, which made Elvis roll over in his grave and ask for a different cemetery.
27. Worst Actress Runner-up: Why Jennifer Lopez for Angel Eyes and The Wedding Planner? For being the “Queen of Rom-Coms” that have so much sugar they give the audience cavities just by looking at the poster.
28. Worst Supporting Actor Runner-up: Why Burt Reynolds for Driven? For proving that while years have passed since Striptease, his choice in roles still hurts just as much.
29. Worst Supporting Actress Runner-up: Why Hedy Burress for Valentine? Because in the slashers of 2001, the only real victim was the viewer’s time.
30. The Monkey Makeup: Why was it a joke? Because Rick Baker did a great job with the masks, but forgot that there were still actors giving bad performances underneath them.
31. The Sausage Scene: Why did it become a Razzie cult classic? Because Tom Green showed that there is no rock bottom in cinema—he just started digging.
32. The Zoolander Snub: Why wasn’t it nominated? Because the Razzies briefly regained their senses and realized it was a deliberate comedy, not an accidental disaster.
33. The Budget Burn: Why Pearl Harbor? Because $140 million is a lot for a movie where the most important plot point is whether Ben Affleck looks good in a uniform.
34. The 13 Ghosts Vibe: Why was it mentioned? Because the remake of Castle’s classic had more glass walls than actual sense in the script.
35. The Evolution Joke: Why David Duchovny? Because after The X-Files, everyone expected aliens, but got a two-hour commercial for Head & Shoulders shampoo instead.
36. The 2001 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because Tom Green proved that if you make something bad enough and have a sense of humor about it, the Razzies will welcome you with open arms.