32 Presidential Jokes: The 2005 “Katrina & Keyboard Cats” Edition

In 2005, the “Second Term Blues” hit the White House like a storm surge. It was a year where the President learned that spending “political capital” is harder than spending a budget surplus, and the world realized that “Viral Videos” were going to be more influential than network news.

The 2005 Executive Top 10: “Storms & Social Security”

1. The Social Security Reform: Why did the President’s plan to privatize Social Security fail? Because he tried to convince seniors that their retirement fund should behave like a tech startup in 2005.
2. The Hurricane Katrina Response: Why was “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job” the most awkward quote of the year? Because it’s the only time a President gave a 5-star review to a 1-star performance while the basement was still flooding.
3. The YouTube Launch: Why did the White House ignore YouTube in ’05? Because they didn’t think a site dedicated to “Me at the Zoo” could ever be a threat to a carefully staged press conference.
4. The Air Force One Flyover: Why was the photo of Bush looking at New Orleans from a window so controversial? Because in 2005, the public wanted a President with mud on his boots, not a President with a bird’s-eye view.
5. The Harriet Miers Nomination: Why was her Supreme Court nomination withdrawn? Because she was the only person in America who the Democrats and Republicans both agreed was a “mystery guest” they didn’t want to host.
6. The “Last Throes” of the Insurgency: Why did Dick Cheney say the Iraq insurgency was in its “last throes”? Because in 2005, the Vice President’s definition of “the end” was actually just a very long “to be continued” screen.
7. The iPhone Rumors: Why was the President still using a BlackBerry in ’05? Because he liked the clicking sound of the buttons—it reminded him of the sound of a “Mission Accomplished” banner being unfurled.
8. The Live 8 Concerts: Why was Bill Clinton at Live 8 while Bush stayed away? Because Bill knew that “Saving the World” always sounds better when there’s a rock band playing in the background.
9. The “Freedom Agenda”: Why was the 2005 Inaugural Address so ambitious? Because when you’ve already been re-elected, you start promising democracy to countries that haven’t even finished their morning coffee yet.
10. The Pope John Paul II Funeral: Why was the President’s trip to Rome so significant? Because it was the only time in 2005 that everyone in Washington stopped arguing long enough to respect a man who actually knew how to keep a secret.

The Full 2005 Presidential Jokes Archive

11. The “Google Earth” Obsession: Why did the White House staff love the new Google Earth? So they could finally see the “Bridge to the 21st Century” from space (and check if it was finished).
12. The King Kong Premiere: Why did the President relate to the giant ape? Because he also felt like he was being swarmed by “biplanes” (the media) while trying to hold onto something precious.
13. The Tom Cruise Couch Jump: Why did the Secret Service study the Oprah clip? To see if “uncontrolled enthusiasm” was a new security threat they needed to brief the President on.
14. The “Nuclear Option” in the Senate: Why was it called that? Because in D.C., “Ending a Filibuster” is treated with the same level of drama as a Cold War standoff.
15. The Angela Merkel Election: Why was Bush happy? Because he finally had a partner in Europe who could explain to him why Germany’s “no” actually meant “not right now.”
16. The Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: Why was the movie a hit in D.C.? Because everyone wanted to see how a “Republic” turns into an “Empire” (and check if the capes were tax-deductible).
17. The Scooter Libby Indictment: Why was the VP’s Chief of Staff in trouble? Because in 2005, “Leaking a Name” was a crime, unless it was a leak about a new tax cut.
18. The Million Puppet March: Why was the 2005 protest culture so weird? Because after four years of war, people realized that a giant papier-mâché head says more than a thousand words.
19. The Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Scandal: Why was the White House grateful for “Brangelina”? Because it was the only thing in 2005 that could knock a “Casualty Report” off the front page.
20. The John Roberts Confirmation: Why was he so easy to confirm? Because he was the only person in Washington who could explain “Legal Precedent” without using a single “Bushism.”
21. The G8 Gleneagles Summit: Why was it a “Green” success? Because for two days, world leaders pretended that “Climate Change” was a problem they were actually going to solve before their flights home.
22. The “Blue-Ribbon” Commissions: Why were there so many in ’05? Because in D.C., “I’ll form a commission” is the polite way of saying “I hope you forget about this by next Tuesday.”
23. The Brokeback Mountain Release: Why were politicians silent about the movie? Because they were still trying to figure out how to poll a “Cowboy Romance” in the Bible Belt.
24. The London 7/7 Bombings: Why was the President so somber? Because it reminded the world that the “War on Terror” didn’t care about the G8’s fancy dinner menu.
25. The Xbox 360 Launch: Why did people camp out? To find a reality where the “Red Ring of Death” was the biggest technical failure they had to worry about.
26. The “Duck Hunting” Accident (Preview): Why was the President checking his hunting license? Because even in 2005, he knew that being the “Decider” meant you had to watch where your VP was aiming.
27. The Gaza Disengagement: Why was Sharon’s move so shocking? Because it’s not every day a leader decides that “Moving Out” is the best way to “Stay In Control.”
28. The “Stay the Course” Repetition: Why was the slogan so worn out by December? Because even a GPS in 2005 would have told the President to “Recalculate” by then.
29. The Narnia Movie Premiere: Why did the White House like it? Because the idea of a “Secret Wardrobe” leading to a better world was exactly what the Communications Team was looking for.
30. The Colbert Report Launch: Why was Stephen Colbert so dangerous? Because he realized that “Truthiness” was the official language of the 2005 American Presidency.
31. The “War on Christmas” Debate: Why did it start in ’05? Because Fox News realized that arguing about “Happy Holidays” was the best way to ignore the rising gas prices.
32. The Final 2005 Vibe: Why was it a “Sinking” year? Because between the floods in the South and the polls in the North, the President realized that a second term is mostly just a long wait for the history books to be written.