31 Halloween Jokes: The 2014 “Guardians & Ice Buckets” Edition

In 2014, Halloween was a mix of cosmic 70s hits, high-concept sci-fi, and the beginning of the “viral challenge” era. It was the year we learned that “I am Groot” is a complete sentence and that everything is awesome—at least according to a certain Lego movie.

The 2014 Top 10: “Star-Lords & Cold Water”

1. Guardians of the Galaxy: Why was every 2014 party full of people with red leather jackets and Walkmans? Because Star-Lord made being a “space outlaw” look cool, and we all realized that a talking raccoon is the ultimate wingman.
2. The Ice Bucket Challenge: Why were the trick-or-treaters soaking wet and shivering? Because they weren’t ghosts; they were just celebrities and neighbors who got nominated on Facebook to dump a bucket of ice on their heads.
3. I Am Groot: What was the easiest costume to pull off in 2014? A tree mask and a single phrase: “I am Groot”—which somehow meant “Thank you for the Snickers” and “I’m going to haunt your garden.”
4. Interstellar: Why did the 2014 Halloween last for 80 years? Because the trick-or-treater spent five minutes on a “water planet” and came home to find his kids were already retired.
5. The Lego Movie: Why was everything so awesome? Because “Everything is Awesome!” was the only song playing, and we were all just trying to find our “Kragle” before the night ended.
6. Maleficent: Why were there so many glowing green cheekbones? Because Angelina Jolie proved that being a “mistress of all evil” is mostly about high fashion and very sharp contouring.
7. Kim Kardashian’s “Break the Internet”: Why was the witch balancing a champagne glass on her back? Because she was trying to recreate the Paper magazine cover and accidentally spilled “bubbly” all over the pumpkin.
8. The “Flappy Bird” Grief: Why were the monsters so frustrated? Because the creator deleted the game, and they were all stuck trying to tap their way through pipes on a phone they could never update.
9. John Wick: Why was everyone afraid of the guy in the suit? Because you can kill a thousand vampires, but you never touch John Wick’s dog.
10. The “Selfie Stick” Invasion: Why was the ghost holding a metal pole? Because he wanted to take a group photo with his “squad,” but he ended up just hitting three people in the eye.

The Full 2014 Halloween Jokes Archive

11. Gone Girl: Why was the husband costume so suspicious? Because Rosamund Pike made us realize that “cool girls” are terrifying and you should never trust a treasure hunt.
12. The 1989 (Taylor Swift): Why was everyone “Shaking It Off”? Because Taylor moved to New York, cut her hair, and officially invited us all to join her 1989 squad.
13. Annabelle: Why was the doll sitting in the corner so creepy? Because The Conjuring spinoff proved that vintage toys are 100% possessed and 0% fun to have in your bedroom.
14. Pharrell’s Grammy Hat: Why was the ghost wearing a giant mountain-climbing hat? Because Pharrell wore it once, and now every “Arby’s” logo in America was jealous.
15. Big Hero 6: Why was the ghost so puffy and white? “Balala-lala!”—because Baymax was the healthcare companion we all wanted to hug.
16. The “Twitch Plays Pokémon” Mania: Why was the skeleton walking into walls for three days? Because 100,000 people were all telling him which direction to go at the same time.
17. Birdman: Why was the actor walking through Times Square in his underwear? Because it was a “one-take” masterpiece and he lost his dressing room key.
18. The “Alex from Target” Hype: Why was the cashier so famous? Because a single photo on Twitter turned a teenager into a 2014 superstar in less than 24 hours.
19. Whiplash: Why was the drummer ghost so stressed? Because J.K. Simmons was throwing chairs and asking if he was “rushing or dragging.”
20. The “Spider-Dog” Prank: Why was the giant spider barking? Because a Polish YouTuber put a costume on his dog and terrified the entire world.
21. Kingsman: The Secret Service (Hype): Why were the vampires wearing oxfords instead of brogues? Because “Manners maketh man,” and a gentleman spy always fights with an umbrella.
22. The “Shia LaBeouf” Paper Bag: Why was the celebrity wearing a bag on his head? “I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE”—the most meta costume of the Berlin Film Festival.
23. Godzilla (2014): Why was the giant lizard so shy? Because he only appeared for 8 minutes of his own movie, but he spent the rest of the time being “King of the Monsters” in the shadows.
24. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Why was the cowboy so cynical? Because Seth MacFarlane reminded us that everything in the 1800s—from the water to the doctors—was trying to kill you.
25. The “Babadook” Hype: Why didn’t the ghost want to read the pop-up book? Because “Baba-dook-dook-DOOK!” meant you were never going to sleep again.
26. Dumb and Dumber To: Why were the two idiots back after 20 years? Because some jokes are so bad they take two decades to ferment.
27. The “Left Shark” (Pre-Hype): Why were people practicing their “uncoordinated shark dance”? Because they knew that within a few months, a Super Bowl performance would make “not knowing the moves” a global icon.
28. Into the Woods: Why was the giant stepping on the houses? Because Disney brought the Broadway musical to the big screen, and everyone was “careful what they wished for.”
29. The “No Shave November” (Early Start): Why were the ghosts so hairy? Because the “lumbersexual” trend was at its peak, and flannel shirts were the unofficial uniform of 2014.
30. Nightcrawler: Why was Jake Gyllenhaal staring so intensely? Because he was looking for a car crash to film, and he hadn’t blinked since the movie started.
31. The Final 2014 Vibe: Why was it an “Awesome” Halloween? Because it was the year we fully embraced our inner “dork,” from Lego builders to Guardians of the Galaxy, while trying not to get a cold from the Ice Bucket Challenge.