65 Office Groaners: The 2006 “Wii Sports & Twitter” Edition

The 2006 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Wii Injury: Why did the accountant have a black eye? He forgot to wear the wrist strap while playing “Wii Tennis” during his lunch break.
2. The Twitter Launch: Why did the boss start talking in 140 characters? He joined Twitter and thought “brevity is the soul of management.”
3. The Facebook Invasion: Why did the HR manager cry? Because Facebook opened to the public and she realized she had to “friend” the entire department.
4. The Devil Wears Prada Quote: Why did the receptionist stare at my shoes and sigh? Because she watched The Devil Wears Prada and now thinks my “business casual” is a crime against humanity.
5. The Blue-Ray vs. HD-DVD War: Why was the IT room full of shouting? The techs were having a “format war” to decide which expensive disc would be obsolete by 2008.
6. The Borat Impression: Why was the sales meeting so awkward? Because the manager kept saying “Very nice!” and “Great success!” after every budget update.
7. The Nike+ Debut: Why was the salesman running around his desk? He got the new Nike+ sensor for his shoe and wanted to “track his productivity” in miles.
8. The Google Buys YouTube: Why was the accountant confused? He couldn’t figure out why Google paid $1.65 billion for a site full of grainy videos of people falling over.
9. The Intel Core 2 Duo: Why did the admin feel like a superhero? He got a dual-core processor and told everyone he was “twice the man he used to be.”
10. The High School Musical Fever: Why was the intern singing in the elevator? Because “We’re All in This Together” became the unofficial, and very annoying, office anthem.

The Full 2006 Archive (Extended List)

11. The MacBook Pro Debut: Why was the designer so smug? He had a “MagSafe” power cord and spent the day tripping over it just to show it would pop out.
12. The 300 Movie Quote: Why did the manager kick the trash can and shout “This is Sparta!”? Because he found out the coffee machine was broken again.
13. The Roblox Start: Why was the intern’s kid at the office? To show the “IT experts” how to build a virtual world out of blocks.
14. The BlackBerry Pearl: Why was the boss so happy? His phone finally had a “trackball” that felt like a tiny pearl of wisdom (until it got stuck).
15. The Nintendo DS Lite: Why was the breakroom so bright? Everyone had the new “Polar White” DS and was busy training their brains with Dr. Kawashima.
16. The Pluto Demotion: Why was the science department so sad? Because Pluto was “downsized” from a planet to a dwarf, and they felt the same about their bonuses.
17. The Spotify Rumor: Why was the nerd waiting? He heard a “streaming service” was coming from Sweden that would make his 5,000 MP3s look old.
18. The Windows Vista Beta: Why was the computer “glowing”? Because “Aero Glass” was finally here, and it took 90% of the RAM just to show the wallpaper.
19. The Twitter “Bird”: Why did the manager tweet “I am eating a sandwich”? Because in 2006, that was considered “high-level engagement.”
20. The PlayStation 3 Launch: Why was the CEO’s office locked? He was “benchmarking” the $600 console and its “Cell Processor” (playing Resistance).
21. The 2GB SD Card: Why was it a “monster”? Because you could fit 500 photos from your 6-megapixel camera on a single sliver of plastic.
22. The Corporate “Green” Initiative: Why did we get one recycling bin? Because 2006 was the year “Sustainability” became a sticker we put on everything.
23. The Snakes on a Plane Quote: Why was the IT guy frustrated? “I have had it with these monkey-fighting bugs on this Monday-to-Friday server!”
24. The Western Digital MyBook: Why was there a “book” on the desk? It wasn’t for reading; it was a 500GB hard drive that looked like a library for robots.
25. The Google Trends: Why was the marketing team staring at graphs? They were trying to figure out why everyone was suddenly searching for “Chuck Norris Facts.”
26. The Chuck Norris Fact: Why did the server never crash? Because Chuck Norris stared at it once and the code fixed itself out of fear.
27. The Skype for Business (early): Why was the call so laggy? Because “VoIP” in 2006 sounded like talking through a tin can filled with static.
28. The Laptop “Webcam” Built-in: Why was the salesman so excited? He didn’t have to “clip” a plastic eye to his screen anymore; his computer was finally watching him back.
29. The MySpace Layout War: Why was the screen blinking? Because the intern added a “snowing” effect and 15 autoplay songs to the company page.
30. The PDF Creator: Why was the clerk happy? He found a free way to make PDFs and felt like he was stealing from Adobe.
31. The Sony Reader: Why was the boss staring at a grey screen? He got the first “E-ink” reader and spent 10 minutes waiting for the page to turn.
32. The “Cloud” Buzzword: Why was the manager looking at the sky? Someone told him the data was moving to “The Cloud” and he was worried about rain.
33. The Laptop Battery Recall (Again): Why was the meeting held in the parking lot? Because half the laptops in the office were “fire hazards” according to the news.
34. The Wi-Fi “N” Draft: Why was the tech guy talking about “N”? He said the internet was getting faster, but his “Draft” router worked exactly like the old one.
35. The Office 2007 Preview: Why was the secretary panicking? She saw “The Ribbon” and realized all her keyboard shortcuts were now useless.
36. The YouTube “Viral” Video: Why was the whole office watching a “Dramatic Chipmunk”? Because in 2006, 5 seconds of a rodent was the peak of entertainment.
37. The SanDisk Sansa: Why did the intern have a “Zune” alternative? Because he wanted to show he was too cool for the iPod (he wasn’t).
38. The Spreadsheet Glow: Why did the chart look like a neon sign? Because “Excel 2003” was reaching its peak “gradient” era.
39. The Optical Mouse Precision: Why did the dad brag? “2000 DPI! I can click ‘Delete’ with surgical accuracy.”
40. The Corporate “Team Building” Escape: Why were we in the woods? To see if we could “collaborate” without a Wi-Fi signal (spoiler: we couldn’t).
41. The 4GB USB Drive: Why was it a legend? Because it was the first time we could carry a whole “movie” in our pocket.
42. The Motorola KRZR: Why was the phone so skinny? Because Motorola decided that the RAZR wasn’t “narrow” enough for our hands.
43. The Cars Movie Quote: Why did the boss say “Ka-chow!”? Because he thought he was Lightning McQueen of the logistics department.
44. The Gmail “Space” Counter: Why was it still running? Because Google wanted to prove that 2.8 GB was “infinity.”
45. The Laptop Trackpad Gestures: Why was the worker scratching his screen? He heard about “Multi-touch” and got confused.
46. The iPod Hi-Fi: Why did the boss buy a giant white box? It was the Apple speaker that cost $350 and looked like a futuristic toaster.
47. The Winamp 5.2: Why was it “The Best”? Because it finally had “Synchronization” for the iPod, and the IT guy felt like a hacker.
48. The Search for “Malware”: Why was the receptionist scanning her PC? She heard “Trojan Horses” were being sent via “Chain Emails.”
49. The Laptop Weight: Why was it “Portable”? Because it was only 4.5 pounds (but the power brick still weighed as much as a brick).
50. The Wikipedia Edit War: Why was the intern busy? He was trying to change the “CEO” entry to “Supreme Leader of the 4th Floor.”
51. The VoIP “Phone”: Why did it have a USB cord? Because in 2006, “Internet Calling” meant being tethered to your desk like a dog.
52. The USB Missile Launcher: Why was the office a warzone? Because “Desktop Gadgets” had officially become weaponized.
53. The BlackBerry “Thumb”: Why was the manager in physical therapy? Too many “Sent from my BlackBerry” replies at 11 PM.
54. The Digital Camera “ISO”: Why was the photo so grainy? Because “ISO 1600” in 2006 looked like a bowl of sand.
55. The Office Password: Why was it “Autumn2006!”? Because the IT guy said “Change it every season or the hackers win.”
56. The Laptop Dock: Why was it so satisfying? The “Click” meant you were now a “Desktop Professional.”
57. The New Year Toast: Why did we drink “Vitamin Water”? Because 2006 was the year we thought “Healthy Soda” was a real thing.
58. The Final 2006 Task: Why did the employee bring a “Wii Remote” to the budget meeting? To “point out” the flaws in the strategy.
59. The MSN Messenger “Buzz”: Why did the screen shake? Because the intern wanted to know if the boss liked his “Nyan Cat” GIF.
60. The Mouse “Side Buttons”: Why was the accountant so fast? He mapped “Copy” and “Paste” to his thumb and became a god.
61. The Laptop Wi-Fi Switch: Why was the salesman crying? He accidentally flipped the “Wireless Off” switch and thought he was “digitally exiled.”
62. The Spreadsheet Goal: Why was the chart “Glossy”? Because if it didn’t look like it was made of plastic, it wasn’t 2006.
63. The Folder Navigation: Why was the manager lost? He clicked “My Documents” and found “My Music,” “My Pictures,” and “My Sanity” were all empty.
64. The Google Maps “Street View” Rumor: Why were people scared? They heard a “camera car” was coming to take a picture of their messy desk.
65. The Last Joke of 2006: Why did the manager bring a “Mirror” to the 2007 planning meeting? Because he wanted to “reflect” on our “Great Success!”