61 Mother-in-Law Jokes: The 2016 “Pokémon GO & Bottle Flip” Edition

In 2016, you couldn’t walk down the street without tripping over someone trying to catch a Snorlax. It was the year of Stranger Things, the launch of the TikTok precursor (Musical.ly) hitting its peak, and the “Bottle Flip” challenge. For the mother-in-law, this meant her critiques were now “location-based” and her ability to land a verbal blow was as precise as a perfect bottle flip.

The 2016 Top 10: The “Augmented Reality & Gravity” Classics

1. Pokémon GO: My mother-in-law is like a rare Pokémon. I spent all weekend trying to find where she was hiding, only to realize she’d been sitting in my kitchen the whole time, “evolving” her complaints.
2. The Bottle Flip: My son spent three hours trying to flip a water bottle. My mother-in-law watched and said, “I can flip your father-in-law’s mood with just one look—and I land it every single time.”
3. The Stranger Things: I told my mother-in-law her basement reminds me of Stranger Things. She asked if it’s because of the 80s nostalgia. I said, “No, it’s because I’m pretty sure there’s a monster down there, and time doesn’t exist.”
4. The PokéStop: She complained that our house isn’t a PokéStop. She said, “If it were, maybe someone interesting would actually visit for once.”
5. The Augmented Reality: I explained AR to her. She said, “I’ve been using that for years. I just look at your messy house and ‘augment’ it in my mind into a place where my daughter isn’t suffering.”
6. The Mannequin Challenge: We tried to do the Mannequin Challenge during Thanksgiving. My mother-in-law was the only one who succeeded—mostly because she’s been giving me the “frozen stare” since 1998.
7. The AirPods: I bought those new wireless AirPods. My mother-in-law said, “Great, now you have two more things to lose, besides your dignity and the house keys.”
8. The Tesla Autopilot: She saw a video of a car driving itself. She said, “Finally, a driver that won’t argue with me about which lane is ‘more polite’.”
9. The Musical.ly: She caught my daughter making a lip-sync video. She said, “If you want to see someone mouth words they don’t mean, just watch your father try to say ‘I’m happy to see the mother-in-law’.”
10. The Google Home: She’s in a constant fight with the Google Home. She’s mad because the machine actually says “Please” and “Thank you,” which she finds “suspiciously submissive.”

The Full 2016 Archive (Extended List)

11. The Snorlax: She told me I’m the human version of a Snorlax, except I “don’t block traffic, just the flow of conversation.”
12. The 360 Video: I showed her a 360-degree video of the Grand Canyon. She said, “It’s nice, but it’s a shame I can’t turn around and see if the people behind the camera are also wearing wrinkled shirts.”
13. The Leonardo DiCaprio: She was so happy Leo finally won an Oscar. She said, “If he can wait 20 years for a win, I can wait another 20 for you to fix the guest bathroom.”
14. The Ghostbusters Reboot: She saw the new movie and said, “Four women fighting ghosts? Sounds like my bridge club when the heater breaks.”
15. The Instagram Stories: She’s started posting “Stories.” It’s just 15-second clips of my lawn with a “Sad Trombone” sound effect.
16. The E-mail Thread: She’s started using “Priority Inbox.” My e-mails are filtered into a folder she renamed “Excuses & Fairy Tales.”
17. The Garden: She told the dandelions they were “the only thing in this yard with a real survival instinct.”
18. The iPhone 7: She’s mad about the missing headphone jack. She says, “Now there’s one less hole for your common sense to leak out of.”
19. The Coffee: Her coffee is so strong it can be used to melt ice on the driveway in February.
20. The Sitcom: She says Fuller House is about her life, except our house is “Empty… of any signs of maturity.”
21. The Cleaning: She brought a drone to the family picnic just to check if I’d flipped the burgers “aerodynamically.”
22. The Wedding Video: She’s trying to sell the “Pokémon GO Edition” of our wedding video, where you have to “catch” all the guests who looked bored.
23. The Neighbor: She told the neighbor his mailbox was “excessively horizontal.”
24. The Airbag: She asked if the car has “judgmental sensors.” I told her she’s sitting on them.
25. The Internet Search: She searched for “How to trade a son-in-law for a Charizard.”
26. The Digital Photo: She says digital photos are “too convenient.” She misses the days when you had to wait for disappointment to develop.
27. The Library: She checked out a book on “The History of Silence.” She returned it and said it was “too loud.”
28. The Mirror: She doesn’t use a mirror; she uses the reflection in my terrified eyes.
29. The Vacuum: She says the Dyson has “more drive” than I do.
30. The Map: I bought her a digital map. It started vibrating when she tried to take a “shortcut through a cornfield.”
31. The Chat Room: She’s the only person who can make a “Thumbs Up” emoji look like a dismissal.
32. The Supermarket: She tried to return a pineapple because it was “too prickly for a Monday.”
33. The Alarm Clock: She says my alarm clock is “brave” for thinking I’ll get out of bed on the first ring.
34. The Restaurant: She asked the waiter if the soup was “socially acceptable” or just “filling.”
35. The Rain: She says the rain in 2016 is “too digital.”
36. The Diary: Her diary entry: “Day 3. The son-in-law tried to explain ‘The Cloud.’ I told him he’s been living in one for years—a cloud of confusion.”
37. The Phone: She’s the only person who can make “Battery Full” sound like a threat.
38. The Suitcase: Her luggage is so heavy it’s technically a mountain range.
39. The Pizza: She told the pizza guy his car was “an insult to the neighborhood’s aesthetic.”
40. The Thermostat: She says 70 degrees is “the temperature of a failed state.”
41. The Bird: My parrot started saying “You missed a spot.” He’s officially her apprentice.
42. The Exercise: She says her favorite sport is “marathon nagging.”
43. The Window: She spends so much time at the window she’s practically a security system.
44. The Ghost: She told a ghost its “sheet was off-white” and it should “really try harder.”
45. The Calculator: She used a calculator to prove I’ve spent 40% of our marriage looking for the remote.
46. The Hat: Her Sunday hat is so big it’s causing a localized eclipse.
47. The Story: She tells a story about her childhood that always proves I’m not qualified to use a toaster.
48. The Guest Room: She says the guest room curtains are “passive-aggressive.”
49. The Car Trip: We drove to the forest. She said the trees were “too close together.”
50. The New Year: She’s already making a list of “2017 Failures” for me.
51. The Cake: She baked a cake so hard I’m using it as a base for the new garden shed.
52. The Radio: She hates “Indie Rock.” She says it sounds like “people who are sad about having to pay for their own hair gel.”
53. The Tea: Her tea is so hot it’s actually a localized sun.
54. The Walk: When she walks through the park, the ducks form a line to complain to her.
55. The Postcard: She sent a postcard from a desert island. It said: “Peace at last. But the sand is too sandy.”
56. The Camera: She thinks the “Self-Timer” on a camera is a way for it to “prepare to be disappointed.”
57. The Furniture: She told the bookshelf it was “lacking a clear narrative.”
58. The Final Word: She doesn’t just get the last word. She gets the copyright, the trademark, and the augmented reality rights.
59. The Hype Train: She said my career is like the “Hype Train”—lots of noise at the station, but it never actually leaves.
60. The VR Headset: I gave her a VR headset. She took it off after 5 seconds and said, “Reality is disappointing enough, I don’t need a digital version of it.”
61. The 2016 Wrap-Up: She said 2016 was a year of “distractions.” Mostly my distractions from the fact that the fence needs painting.