42 Hollywood & Acting Jokes: The 2009 “Blue People, Bastards & The Hangover” Edition

In 2009, Hollywood went big or went home. It was the year we realized that “3D” wasn’t just a gimmick (it was a $2 billion obsession), that a group of “Inglourious” soldiers could end a war in a cinema, and that a house could fly as long as you had enough helium and a grumpy old man. If you weren’t busy feeling sorry for prawns in South Africa, you were probably wondering if Sherlock Holmes was always a bare-knuckle boxer.

The 2009 Industry Top 10: “Pandora, Prawns & Roofies”

1. The Avatar Blue-out: Why did James Cameron spend 12 years and $300 million? To prove that the world would pay billions to watch a 9-foot-tall Smurf fall in love with a tree, as long as the glasses were uncomfortable enough.
2. The Hangover Mystery: Why was 2009 so blurry? Because Zach Galifianakis and Bradley Cooper proved that the funniest thing a man can do is wake up in a wrecked hotel suite with a missing tooth and a baby that isn’t his.
3. The Inglourious Basterds “Bingo!”: Why was Christoph Waltz the MVP? Because he gave a performance so charming and terrifying that he made drinking a glass of milk feel like a death sentence.
4. The Up Tears: Why was the beginning so mean? Because Pixar realized they could save money on the rest of the movie if they just destroyed the audience’s emotional stability in the first ten minutes.
5. The District 9 Prawns: Why the cat food? Because Sharlto Copley proved that the most sympathetic characters in 2009 were giant alien crustaceans living in a shantytown.
6. The Sherlock Holmes MMA: Why was he so buff? Because Robert Downey Jr. decided that solving mysteries wasn’t enough—Sherlock also needed to be a master of slow-motion cage fighting.
7. The Star Trek Reboot: Why so many lens flares? Because J.J. Abrams wanted to make sure that even if you didn’t understand the time-travel plot, you’d at least be permanently blinded by the bridge of the Enterprise.
8. The Twilight: New Moon Depression: Why the staring? For a movie where Robert Pattinson leaves for an hour, and Kristen Stewart spends the rest of the time looking at the rain and waiting for a werewolf to take his shirt off.
9. The Hurt Locker Tension: Why the bomb suit? For proving that Jeremy Renner is the only man who can make “cutting a wire” more stressful than a 2,000-person battle scene.
10. The Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince: Why so dark? For the year the cinematography was so “moody” that the audience spent half the movie wondering if their TV was broken or if Dumbledore just forgot to pay the electric bill.

The Full 2009 Acting & Industry Archive

11. The Paranormal Activity Profit: Why the bedroom door? For proving that a $15,000 budget and a shaky camera can out-earn a $100 million studio film if you market it as “too scary for theaters.”
12. The 2012 Destruction: Why the limo? For a movie that suggested a limousine can outrun a collapsing earthquake-cracked Los Angeles better than a fighter jet.
13. The Zombieland Rules: Why the Twinkies? For teaching us that the apocalypse is survivable as long as you double-tap, check the backseat, and have Bill Murray’s home address.
14. The Blind Side “Mama Bear”: Why Sandra Bullock? For proving that all it takes to win an Oscar is a blonde wig, a determined walk, and a very large offensive tackle.
15. The Coraline Eyes: Why the buttons? For a movie that looked like a kid’s adventure but was actually a secret plot to make sure children never looked at their parents’ sewing kits ever again.
16. The Moon Solitude: Why Sam Rockwell? For proving that the only person Sam Rockwell can’t out-act is another Sam Rockwell on a moon base.
17. The Watchmen Blue Glow: Why the blue guy? For a movie that was 100% faithful to the comic, right down to the part where everyone felt slightly uncomfortable about Dr. Manhattan’s wardrobe choices.
18. The G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: Why the suits? For proving that even a “super-suit” can’t save a movie that feels like a 2-hour commercial for a toy that’s already in the bargain bin.
19. The Fantastic Mr. Fox: Why the “Cuss”? For proving that Wes Anderson can turn a children’s book into a dry, symmetrical masterpiece where everyone talks like they’re in a mid-century faculty lounge.
20. The Public Enemies Stare: Why Johnny Depp and Christian Bale? For a movie so digital it made 1930s Chicago look like it was filmed on a high-end webcam from 2009.
21. The Paul Blart: Mall Cop: Why the Segway? For proving that in 2009, a man falling over was still worth $180 million at the box office.
22. The Bruno Suit: Why the Velcro? For Sacha Baron Cohen’s attempt to make everyone in 2009 more uncomfortable than they were during Borat.
23. The G-Force Guinea Pigs: Why the gadgets? For the peak of the “animals with secret agent jobs” era that Hollywood thankfully left behind.
24. The Taking of Pelham 123: Why Denzel and Travolta? For a movie that suggested that a subway heist is mostly just two guys yelling at each other over a headset.
25. The Drag Me to Hell Cake: Why the button? For proving that Sam Raimi’s best work involves an old woman, a goat, and a lot of disgusting fluids being thrown at an innocent bank clerk.
26. The Precious Intensity: Why Mo’Nique? For a performance so powerful it made the audience want to win an Oscar and then hide under a blanket for a week.
27. The It’s Complicated Kitchen: Why Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin? For proving that divorce is much funnier when everyone is rich and living in a house with a professional-grade bakery.
28. The Angels & Demons Race: Why the antimatter? For a sequel that suggested Tom Hanks can solve a Vatican-ending conspiracy just by running through libraries and looking at statues.
29. The He’s Just Not That Into You: Why the cast? For a movie with 20 stars that basically just taught women that “if he doesn’t call, he’s a jerk.”
30. The Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Why the twins? For a sequel that was so loud and confusing that even the robots looked like they wanted to go back to being cars and stay in the garage.
31. The An Education Charm: Why Carey Mulligan? For a breakout performance that proved 1960s London was a great place to be a teenager until Peter Sarsgaard showed up.
32. The Couples Retreat Yoga: Why the speedos? For a movie that was essentially a paid vacation for the cast that the audience had to pay to watch.
33. The Terminator Salvation: Why the “Christian Bale Rant”? For a movie that was almost eclipsed by a leaked audio recording of the lead actor yelling at a lighting guy.
34. The Law Abiding Citizen Justice: Why the cell? For a movie that suggested Gerard Butler is the most dangerous man in the world even when he’s sitting in his underwear in prison.
35. The Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: Why the “Flint Lockwood”? For a movie that made everyone in 2009 hungry for giant falling cheeseburgers.
36. The Lovely Bones Visuals: Why the “In Between”? For a movie that tried to make the afterlife look like a Windows XP screensaver.
37. The Land of the Lost Sleestaks: Why Will Ferrell? For proving that even a $100 million budget can’t make 1970s sci-fi camp work if you’re fighting a T-Rex with a banjo.
38. The Invictus Rugby: Why the accent? For Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman proving that sports can fix anything, even post-apartheid South Africa.
39. The Brothers Beard: Why Tobey Maguire? For a performance so intense it made everyone realize he wasn’t just Spider-Man; he was a guy who could really look scary with a buzzed head.
40. The Julie & Julia Butter: Why the blog? For a movie that proved that Meryl Streep playing Julia Child is 100% better than any actual cooking show.
41. The 500 Days of Summer Reality: Why the IKEA trip? For a movie that taught a generation of “nice guys” that just because a girl likes the same music as you, doesn’t mean she’s your soulmate.
42. The 2009 Final Industry Vibe: Why a turning point? Because it was the year of the “Motion Capture” revolution, the year the “R-rated Comedy” came back with a vengeance, and the final year before the 2010s officially became the decade of the Marvel crossover.