39 Politicians Jokes: The 2011 “Springs, Stings & Royal Rings” Edition

In 2011, the world felt like it was being re-written in real-time. It was the year of the Arab Spring, the end of the world’s most wanted man, a royal wedding that stopped the clocks, and the moment we all realized that “The Cloud” wasn’t just weather—it was where all our data went to live forever.

The 2010 Top 10: “Revolutions & Resolution”

1. The Arab Spring: Why were dictators so afraid of Facebook in 2011? Because they realized that a “Status Update” could lead to a “Government Update” faster than they could say “Emergency Decree.”
2. The Death of Osama bin Laden: Why was the Situation Room photo so famous? Because it was the first time we saw a President, a Secretary of State, and a bunch of generals all looking like they were watching the world’s most intense season finale of 24.
3. The Royal Wedding (William & Kate): Why did 2 billion people watch a wedding in London? Because after years of financial crisis, the world needed a break to look at a fancy dress and a balcony kiss that didn’t involve a budget subcommittee.
4. The Occupy Wall Street Movement: Why were people sleeping in Zuccotti Park? To prove that the “99%” were tired of the “1%” having all the money, all the power, and apparently all the good lawyers.
5. The Death of Kim Jong-il: Why was the mourning in North Korea so intense? Because when your leader is a “God” who supposedly invented the hamburger and never used a bathroom, his replacement has some very large (and very elevated) shoes to fill.
6. The Fall of Muammar Gaddafi: Why was the end of the Libyan regime so surreal? Because it turned out that 42 years of “Brotherly Leader” styling couldn’t protect you when your own people decided they’d had enough of your gold-plated pistols and desert tents.
7. The U.S. Debt Ceiling Crisis: Why did the U.S. almost go bankrupt in August? Because Congress decided to play a game of “Chicken” with the global economy, proving that the only thing more dangerous than a deficit is a politician with a point to prove.
8. The Fukushima Disaster: Why were world leaders rethinking nuclear power? Because nature reminded everyone in March that “fail-safe” is just a suggestion when an earthquake and a tsunami show up at the same time.
9. The Launch of Siri: Why were politicians worried about the iPhone 4S? Because now they had a personal assistant who actually remembered everything they said and wouldn’t take a bribe—unless you count a software update.
10. The Death of Steve Jobs: Why did world leaders pay tribute to a tech CEO? Because they realized he had changed the way people lived, worked, and complained about the government more than any law passed in the last 20 years.

The Full 2011 Politicians Jokes Archive

11. The End of the Space Shuttle Program: Why was NASA hitchhiking with the Russians? Because in 2011, “American Exceptionalism” meant having to pay your old Cold War rival for a lift to the ISS.
12. The South Sudan Independence: Why did the world get a 193rd country? To prove that if you fight long enough and have enough UN meetings, you can eventually get your own Olympic team and a very contested border.
13. The News of the World Scandal: Why did Rupert Murdoch close his oldest newspaper? Because “Phone Hacking” turned out to be the one PR strategy that even a billionaire couldn’t spin.
14. The “Anthony Weiner” Incident: Why is his name still a punchline? Because in 2011, he proved that if you’re going to send “private” photos on Twitter, you should at least make sure your last name isn’t a perfect description of the scandal.
15. The Death of Vaclav Havel: Why did Europe mourn the Czech leader? To remember a time when a playwright could lead a revolution and actually keep his integrity after the curtain went down.
16. The London Riots: Why were the shops on fire? Because a local protest turned into a national shopping spree, proving that “Social Unrest” in 2011 looked a lot like a very violent version of Black Friday.
17. The Italy Debt Crisis: Why was Silvio Berlusconi finally forced out? Because the markets realized that “Bunga Bunga” parties aren’t a valid form of collateral for a national loan.
18. The Norway Attacks: Why was July 22nd so shocking? Because it proved that the greatest threat to a peaceful democracy isn’t always from the outside, but sometimes from a manifesto-writing monster within.
19. The Launch of Google+: Why did politicians join it? Because they were told it was the “Facebook Killer,” only to realize it was more like a “Ghost Town” where their speeches echoed in total silence.
20. The Arab League Suspends Syria: Why was this a big deal? Because it’s hard to claim you’re “protecting your people” when even your neighbors tell you to stop shooting them.
21. The $10 Billion “Solyndra” Scandal: Why were Republicans laughing? Because the government’s big bet on solar power turned out to be a very expensive way to watch a company go bankrupt in the dark.
22. The “Herman Cain” 9-9-9 Plan: Why was the pizza mogul running for President? Because he thought the U.S. economy could be fixed as easily as a pepperoni pie—just add a simple tax code and hope nobody notices the crust is burning.
23. The End of the Iraq War: Why did the U.S. leave in December? Because after nine years, they decided that “Stability” was a relative term and that it was time to let Iraq find its own way—or at least its own excuses.
24. The Mario Monti Government: Why did Italy hire a “Technocrat”? Because they needed a grown-up to explain to the country that you can’t pay for pasta with IOUs anymore.
25. The “Planking” Craze: Why did politicians hate people lying flat in public? Because they were jealous that someone could be that stiff and unmoving without being in the middle of a filibuster.
26. The Christine Lagarde Appointment: Why did a woman take over the IMF? Because after the Dominique Strauss-Kahn scandal, they decided they needed someone who wouldn’t try to “negotiate” with the hotel staff.
27. The Minecraft Full Release: Why did it matter? Because kids started spending 40 hours a week building empires, making the actual government’s construction projects look even slower by comparison.
28. The “Charlie Sheen” Meltdown: Why did politicians love “Winning” and “Tiger Blood”? Because for a few weeks, someone else was making more erratic decisions than the House Ways and Means Committee.
29. The First “Blackberry” Riots: Why did the UK government want to shut down BBM? Because they realized that a encrypted messaging service was more efficient at organizing a crowd than the police were at stopping one.
30. The 10th Anniversary of 9/11: Why was it a “New” New York? Because the Freedom Tower was finally rising, proving that even after a decade, the skyline always gets the last word.
31. The “Mitt Romney” Etch-a-Sketch Moment: Why did his consultant say it? To remind everyone that a political platform in 2011 could be shaken and erased as easily as a kid’s toy.
32. The Net Neutrality Debates: Why were we fighting over “Fast Lanes”? Because the government wanted to make sure that the internet stayed fair, while the ISPs wanted to make sure they got paid every time you clicked on a cat video.
33. The “Cloud” Computing Hype: Why were politicians confused? Because they thought “The Cloud” was a place where they could hide their tax returns, not a network of servers in Virginia.
34. The Death of Elizabeth Taylor: Why did Hollywood mourn the last of the “Golden Age”? To remind us that true stars don’t need a Twitter account to be legendary.
35. The Eurozone Crisis “Sarkozy-Merkel” Duo: Why were they called “Merkozy”? Because they spent the whole year trying to save the Euro by holding hands and hoping the bond markets wouldn’t notice they were shaking.
36. The “Rick Perry” Oops Moment: Why did his campaign end on a stage in Michigan? Because when you promise to eliminate three government agencies, you should probably remember the name of the third one.
37. The New Russian Protests: Why were people in Moscow wearing white ribbons? Because they realized that Putin’s plan to switch jobs with Medvedev again was less of a “democratic process” and more of a “magic trick.”
38. The “LulzSec” Hackers: Why was the CIA website down? To prove that a group of teenagers with laptops could be more annoying to a superpower than a foreign intelligence agency.
39. The Final 2011 Political Vibe: Why was it a “Year of Disruption”? Because between the squares of Cairo and the streets of New York, people stopped waiting for politicians to change things and started doing it themselves—one tweet at a time.