39 Oscars Jokes: The 2017 “Moonlight, La La Land & The Wrong Envelope” Edition

In 2017, the 89th Academy Awards taught us that even in a world of professional presenters, reading is fundamental. It was the year of the biggest “Oops” in history, the year Emma Stone got a trophy but lost a Best Picture, and the year we realized that a movie about a blue moon and a boy’s soul is stronger than a musical about a white man saving jazz.

The 2017 Red Carpet Top 10: “Stars & Snafus”

1. The Moonlight-gate Finale: Why did La La Land have the shortest Best Picture reign in history? Because in 2017, the Academy decided to experiment with a “New Minute” of victory before revealing that the actual winner was standing in the wings looking confused.
2. Warren Beatty’s Confusion: Why did Warren Beatty look at the card for ten seconds? Because he was trying to figure out if Emma Stone had secretly starred in Moonlight or if the accountants were just playing a very expensive prank.
3. The “La La Land” Grace: Why was Jordan Horowitz the hero of the night? Because he was the only person with enough presence of mind to hold up the right card and tell the world, “No, seriously, Moonlight won.”
4. Mahershala Ali’s History: Why was his win so significant? Because he proved that you can have only 20 minutes of screen time and still be the most powerful person in the room—and he became the first Muslim actor to take home the gold.
5. The Jimmy Kimmel “Matt Damon” Feud: Why did Jimmy Kimmel spend the whole night mocking Matt Damon? To prove that even at the Oscars, a fake friendship-rivalry is more entertaining than most of the nominated documentaries.
6. Viola Davis’s Triple Crown: Why was her Fences win so emotional? Because when Viola Davis cries, the entire world feels like they should also be crying and possibly apologizing for something they didn’t do.
7. Casey Affleck’s “Manchester” Win: Why did he win Best Actor? Because playing a man so sad he forgot how to smile is the official “Oscar-Winning” facial expression of 2017.
8. The Candy Rain: Why did Jimmy Kimmel drop snacks from the ceiling? To make sure that the people in $20,000 dresses didn’t pass out from hunger before the “Best Picture” disaster happened.
9. The Tourist Bus Skit: Why were random strangers brought into the theater? To show that even people in hoodies and fanny packs are more composed than the people who handled the envelopes at the end of the night.
10. The “Zootopia” Victory: Why did it win Best Animated Feature? Because a bunny cop and a fox con artist solved a social crisis, which was a lot more productive than what was happening on the actual news.

The Full 2017 Oscars Jokes Archive

11. The Emma Stone Win: Why did she win Best Actress? Because she made us believe that dancing on a hill in yellow is a legitimate form of career advancement.
12. The Best Director Win: Why did Damien Chazelle become the youngest winner? Because the Academy loves a prodigy, especially one who likes old movies and jazz.
13. The Best Original Screenplay: Why did Manchester by the Sea win? Because Kenneth Lonergan proved that grief is best served cold and in Massachusetts.
14. The Best Adapted Screenplay: Why did Moonlight win? For turning a play that was never produced into a movie that will never be forgotten.
15. The Best Costume Design: Why did Fantastic Beasts win? To show that even if the plot is confusing, the coats are spectacular.
16. The Best Makeup Win: Why did Suicide Squad win an Oscar? Because turning Jared Leto into a neon-green Joker is technically “Art,” even if the internet disagreed.
17. The Best Art Direction: Why did La La Land win? Because they made a modern L.A. look like a 1950s postcard.
18. The Best Cinematography: Why did Linus Sandgren win? For making that six-minute opening traffic jam look like a choreographed dream.
19. The “Arrival” Sound: Why did it win for Sound Editing? Because the sound of aliens talking like giant coffee stains is surprisingly technical.
20. The Best Sound Mixing: Why did Hacksaw Ridge win? Because Mel Gibson knows that the sound of a battlefield is the best way to get back into the Academy’s good graces.
21. The Best Visual Effects: Why did The Jungle Book win? Because they made a CGI tiger that looked more real than the people in the front row.
22. The Best Original Score: Why did Justin Hurwitz win? For giving us a melody that stayed in our heads until the 2018 ceremony.
23. The Best Original Song: Why did “City of Stars” win? Because it’s the only song in 2017 that made everyone want to buy a piano and a vintage suit.
24. The Best Foreign Language Film: Why did The Salesman win? Because Asghar Farhadi stayed home in protest, proving that sometimes the best way to win an Oscar is to not show up.
25. The Best Film Editing: Why did Hacksaw Ridge take it? Because cutting a war movie is like trying to organize a very loud riot.
26. The Best Documentary Feature: Why did O.J.: Made in America win? Because 7 hours of O.J. Simpson is apparently the exact amount of O.J. Simpson the Academy wanted.
27. The “La La Land” Sweeter Win: Why did it win 6 Oscars? To make the heartbreak at the end of the night feel even more like a movie plot.
28. The Honorary Award for Jackie Chan: Why? Because after 50 years of breaking every bone in his body for our entertainment, he finally got a trophy he didn’t have to do a backflip for.
29. The Best Live Action Short: Why did Sing win? Because the Academy loves a choir, especially if it’s in Hungarian.
30. The Best Animated Short: Why did Piper win? Because a tiny sandpiper bird is the only thing cuter than a baby in a tuxedo.
31. The Best Documentary Short: Why did The White Helmets win? To remind us that real-life heroes don’t wear capes, they wear white hats in Syria.
32. The Sunny Pawar Moment: Why was the Lion kid so popular? Because when Jimmy Kimmel lifted him up like Simba, the 2017 ceremony reached its peak cuteness.
33. The Best Supporting Actress Race: Why did Naomie Harris lose? Because Viola Davis had a snot-crying scene that was so powerful it probably won her the next three Oscars too.
34. The Meryl Streep “Overrated” Joke: Why did Jimmy Kimmel call her that? Because Donald Trump said it, and the Academy loves a good political clapback.
35. The Mean Tweets Skit: Why did the actors read them? To prove that even if you have an Oscar, the internet still thinks your forehead is too big.
36. The Gary from Chicago Moment: Why was he the star? Because he met Denzel Washington and didn’t immediately faint, which is more than most of us could say.
37. The Best Art Direction: Why did the musical win? Because “Primary Colors” are the official language of 2017.
38. The Governor’s Ball: Why was the atmosphere so awkward? Because everyone was busy checking their phones to see if Moonlight had actually won or if it was all a dream.
39. The 2017 Final Oscars Vibe: Why was it a “Classic” year? Because it was the night the “Wrong” envelope created the “Right” ending, making the 2017 Oscars the most chaotic, memorable, and “L-A-L-A-Land” night in history.