39 Oscars Jokes: The 2010 “Hurt Locker, Avatar & Kathryn’s History” Edition

In 2010, the 82nd Academy Awards were a classic David vs. Goliath story—if David was an indie war movie and Goliath was a 10-foot-tall blue alien. It was the year Kathryn Bigelow made history, Sandra Bullock won a Razzie and an Oscar in the same weekend, and we learned that even 3D glasses can’t hide the fact that James Cameron lost to his ex-wife.

The 2010 Red Carpet Top 10: “Blue Aliens & Gold Statues”

1. The Bigelow vs. Cameron Showdown: Why was the Best Director race so awkward? Because nothing says “Hollywood Drama” like a woman beating her ex-husband for the biggest prize in town while he sits ten feet away in 3D.
2. The Sandra Bullock Double: Why was her win for The Blind Side so legendary? Because she is the only person who had the grace to show up and accept a “Worst Actress” Razzie on Saturday and then go win “Best Actress” at the Oscars on Sunday.
3. The Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin Duo: Why did they host together? Because the Academy decided that one middle-aged white man isn’t enough to handle ten Best Picture nominees—you need at least two to share the snacks.
4. The “Avatar” Snub: Why didn’t the highest-grossing movie win Best Picture? Because the Academy decided that while blue skin is cool, a guy disarming bombs in the dirt is more “relatable” to people in tuxedos.
5. The Mo’Nique Power: Why was her Precious win so respected? Because she proved that you don’t have to campaign, you don’t have to play the Hollywood game—you just have to give a performance that scares everyone into voting for you.
6. The Christoph Waltz “Bingo!” Moment: Why was his Inglourious Basterds win a lock? Because he made being a terrifying Nazi villain look so charming that the audience forgot they were supposed to be rooting for Brad Pitt.
7. The “Up” Recognition: Why was a cartoon nominated for Best Picture? To prove that a house flying with balloons is a more realistic way to travel than anything James Cameron came up with for Pandora.
8. The George Clooney Face: Why was he nominated for Up in the Air? To remind us that being a handsome man who fires people for a living is a legitimate career path in 2010.
9. The Jeff Bridges “The Dude” Win: Why did he win Best Actor for Crazy Heart? Because the Academy finally realized that “The Dude” abides, but a grizzled country singer wins the trophy.
10. The Best Animated Feature: Why did Up win? Because the first ten minutes of that movie caused more tears in the Kodak Theatre than the entire history of the Kleenex corporation.

The Full 2010 Oscars Jokes Archive

11. The 10 Nominee Rule: Why did they expand the Best Picture category? Because the Academy wanted to make sure they never snub another Dark Knight, and so District 9 could finally get a seat at the big kids’ table.
12. The “The Hurt Locker” Sweep: Why did it win 6 Oscars? Because Jeremy Renner proved that being stressed out in Iraq is the ultimate “Oscar Bait.”
13. The Best Original Screenplay: Why did Mark Boal win? Because he was a journalist who realized that the truth is stranger—and more award-winning—than fiction.
14. The Best Adapted Screenplay: Why did Precious win? To prove that turning a difficult novel into a masterpiece is the best way to make the whole world pay attention.
15. The Best Costume Design: Why did The Young Victoria win? Because if you have a corset and a crown, you’re already halfway to a victory speech.
16. The Best Art Direction: Why did Avatar win? Because they built an entire world that doesn’t exist, which is exactly what Hollywood is best at.
17. The Best Cinematography: Why did Mauro Fiore win? Because making a green screen look like a jungle is the most profitable magic trick in history.
18. The “District 9” Aliens: Why were they there? To remind the audience that in 2010, the “outsiders” were literally from another planet.
19. The Best Sound Mixing: Why did The Hurt Locker win? Because the sound of silence before a bomb goes off is louder than a thousand explosions.
20. The Best Sound Editing: Why did the war movie sweep the audio? To prove that the Academy’s tech branch prefers “Realism” over “Rockets.”
21. The Best Visual Effects: Why was Avatar a lock? Because James Cameron spent ten years and half the world’s money making sure those blue tails moved correctly.
22. The Best Makeup Win: Why did Star Trek win? Because making a man look like a Vulcan is the only way to get a sci-fi fan to watch the Oscars.
23. The Best Original Score: Why did Michael Giacchino win for Up? Because he created a melody that can trigger a crying fit in under three seconds.
24. The Best Original Song: Why did Crazy Heart win? To prove that “The Weary Kind” is the official anthem of 2010’s broken hearts.
25. The Best Foreign Language Film: Why did The Secret in Their Eyes win? Because Argentina proved that a thriller can have more soul than a big-budget blockbuster.
26. The Best Documentary Feature: Why did The Cove win? To make sure that everyone in the room felt guilty about dolphins while eating their fancy seafood dinner.
27. The Best Film Editing: Why did The Hurt Locker win? Because the tension in that movie was so tight you could use it as a guitar string.
28. The Best Live Action Short: Why did The New Tenants win? To show that even in 20 minutes, you can have more drama than a three-hour epic.
29. The Best Animated Short: Why did Logorama win? Because the Academy loves a movie where every character is a corporate logo—it felt just like a studio meeting.
30. The Lauren Bacall Honorary Award: Why? Because it took the Academy 60 years to realize that she was the coolest person in the room.
31. The Roger Corman Award: Why did the “King of B-Movies” get an Oscar? Because Hollywood finally admitted that most of their “A-Movies” started in his parking lot.
32. The Gabourey Sidibe Nomination: Why was the Precious star the heart of the night? To show that a “Newcomer” can have more presence than a veteran with ten nominations.
33. The Ben Stiller “Avatar” Skit: Why did he dress as a Na’vi? To prove that blue face paint is the best way to make sure nobody listens to a word you’re saying.
34. The Best Documentary Short: Why did Music by Prudence win? Because of the “Kanye moment” where the producer interrupted the director’s speech—proving that drama happens even in the 40-minute categories.
35. The Meryl Streep “Julie & Julia” Nod: Why was she there? Because Meryl Streep as Julia Child is the only thing more comforting than actual butter.
36. The Best Sound Editing: Why was it a technical win for the war movie? Because the “Tick-Tick-Tick” of a bomb is the official heartbeat of the 2010 awards.
37. The Governor’s Ball: Why was it so eco-friendly? Because after Avatar, serving anything that wasn’t “Planet-Friendly” would have resulted in a Na’vi protest.
38. The Steve Martin “Banjo” Presence: Why was he so relaxed? Because when you’re a legend, you can host the Oscars and still look like you’re just there for the free gift bag.
39. The 2010 Final Oscars Vibe: Why was it a “Classic” year? Because it was the night David finally took down Goliath, a woman finally took the Director’s chair, and the 2010 Oscars proved that heart and tension can still beat technology and blue paint.