37 Presidential Jokes: The 2011 “Zero Dark Thirty & Occupy Wall Street” Edition

In 2011, the American Presidency felt the weight of history and the speed of a fiber-optic cable. It was the year of “Justice Served,” the year the debt ceiling almost broke the country, and the year we learned that a President can be cool enough to drop the mic but still can’t get Congress to agree on a budget.

The 2011 Executive Top 10: “May Days & Markets”

1. The Abbottabad Mission: Why was Obama so calm at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner? Because he knew that while Seth Meyers was making jokes about him, the Navy SEALs were about to give the “Ace of Spades” a very permanent eviction notice.
2. The “Occupy Wall Street” Tents: Why did the protesters stay in Zuccotti Park? To prove that in 2011, you could change the national conversation about the “1%” just by having a drum circle and a very long-lasting iPhone battery.
3. The Debt Ceiling Crisis: Why was the 2011 budget fight so scary? Because for two weeks, the “Full Faith and Credit of the United States” was being held hostage by people who thought a “default” was just something you did to your settings on Facebook.
4. The Arab Spring Tweets: Why was the State Department obsessed with hashtags? Because they realized that a 140-character message could do more to topple a dictator than a decade of formal diplomatic letters.
5. The Birth Certificate Long-Form: Why did Obama finally release the long-form certificate? To show Donald Trump that “Hawaii” is actually a state and not just a very elaborate vacation spot for people born in Kenya.
6. The Royal Wedding Fever: Why did Americans watch Will and Kate? To remind themselves that “Monarchy” is much more romantic when you don’t have to pay for the parade or the hats.
7. The “Winning” Era of Charlie Sheen: Why did the White House stay away from “Tiger Blood”? Because they realized that “Winning” in D.C. usually involves a lot more paperwork and a lot less public meltdown.
8. The Death of Steve Jobs: Why was the President so saddened? Because Steve Jobs was the only person in America who knew how to make “The Future” look cool without needing a Congressional appropriation.
9. The Last Space Shuttle Mission: Why was Atlantis’s landing so somber? Because it was the first time since 1981 that the U.S. had to admit that if we wanted to go to space, we’d have to ask Russia for a ride.
10. The “Pass This Bill” Speech: Why did Obama repeat that phrase in September? Because he realized that if he said it enough times, maybe the words would get stuck in the GOP’s heads like a catchy pop song.

The Full 2011 Presidential Jokes Archive

11. The Game of Thrones Premiere: Why did D.C. insiders love the show? Because “Winter is Coming” felt like a very accurate forecast for the 2012 election cycle.
12. The Fukushima Disaster: Why were we checking the wind in ’11? To remind ourselves that “Nuclear Power” is great until the ocean decides it wants to take over the plant.
13. The Siri Launch: Why did politicians love Siri? Because they finally had an assistant who could answer “I don’t know” without being held in contempt of Congress.
14. The “We Are the 99%” Slogan: Why was it so effective? Because “The 1% Has All the Money and We Have All the Student Loans” didn’t fit on a piece of cardboard.
15. The Gaddafi Fall: Why was “Leading from Behind” the 2011 term? Because it’s the diplomatic way of saying “We’re letting the French take the credit for the gas bill.”
16. The Harry Potter Finale: Why did the White House staff cry? Because they realized that Voldemort was easier to defeat than the House Appropriations Committee.
17. The Supercommittee Failure: Why was it called a “Supercommittee”? Because in Washington, adding “Super” to the front of a failure makes it sound like a comic book plot.
18. The Snapchat Launch: Why did D.C. ignore it? Because they didn’t think “Photos that disappear in 10 seconds” would ever be useful—until they met Anthony Weiner.
19. The Anthony Weiner Scandal: Why was his name so unfortunate? To prove that in 2011, “Twitter” was the fastest way to turn a promising career into a punchline.
20. The Solyndra Bankruptcy: Why was the GOP so happy? Because a “Green Energy” failure was the only thing that made them feel better about the price of gas.
21. The Planking Trend: Why did it sweep the nation? Because “Lying face down and doing nothing” was the most accurate imitation of a paralyzed Congress.
22. The Adele “21” Domination: Why was everyone listening to “Someone Like You”? Because after three years of the “Great Recession,” everyone was in the mood for a good cry.
23. The “Not Bad” Obama Meme: Why did the internet love it? Because “Not Bad” was the official approval rating of the 2011 economic recovery.
24. The Netflix “Qwikster” Disaster: Why was the CEO apologizing? To prove that you can be a tech genius and still make a decision so bad it makes a politician look competent.
25. The South Sudan Independence: Why was the U.S. so supportive? Because it was the first time in ’11 we saw a “New Country” launch that didn’t involve a revolution on YouTube.
26. The Mitt Romney “Corporations are People” Quote: Why was this a hit? Because in 2011, telling a crowd that a “Company” is a “Person” is like telling a kid that a “Vegetable” is a “Cookie.”
27. The Rise of Pinterest: Why was everyone pinning things? Because “Building a Dream House on a Digital Board” was the only way most people could afford a house in 2011.
28. The Minecraft Full Release: Why did the Pentagon watch it? To see if “Building a Wall out of Dirt” was a viable budget alternative for the border.
29. The News of the World Scandal: Why did the phone hacking end the paper? To remind the media that “Searching for the Truth” doesn’t mean “Listening to your voicemail.”
30. The “Pork Barrel” Ban: Why did Congress stop using earmarks? To prove they could still waste money without having to give it a specific name.
31. The Modern Warfare 3 Launch: Why did people stand in line? Because “Digital War” in 2011 was much more popular than the ones we were still fighting in reality.
32. The Herman Cain “9-9-9” Plan: Why was it so popular? Because it sounded like a pizza deal, and in 2011, Americans were hungry for anything that wasn’t a 2,000-page tax code.
33. The End of the Iraq War (Again): Why was the December withdrawal different? Because this time, the “Mission Accomplished” banner was replaced by a “Going Out of Business” sign at the base.
34. The Curiositiy Rover Launch: Why was it heading to Mars? To see if there was any life out there that wasn’t currently protesting on Wall Street.
35. The Friday by Rebecca Black: Why did it go viral? To prove that in 2011, the internet could make you famous for literally knowing what day of the week it is.
36. The “Lipreading” of World Leaders: Why did we love the G20 gaffes? Because hearing Sarkozy and Obama complain about Netanyahu was the only “Unfiltered Diplomacy” we got all year.
37. The Final 2011 Vibe: Why was it “Unsettled”? Because we ended the year with a dead dictator, a shaky stock market, and the realization that the 2012 election was going to be a battle of the “1%” vs. the “99%.”