35 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2022 “Blonde, Morbius & Pinocchio’s Problems” Edition

In 2022, the 43rd Razzie Awards faced a cinematic year so bizarre that it featured a “Marvel-adjacent” vampire that became a meme, an Oscar legend playing a wooden boy’s father with a confusing accent, and a controversial Marilyn Monroe biopic that turned “art” into a 3-hour endurance test.

The 2022 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Vampires, Puppets & Platinum Wigs”

1. The Blonde Ambition: Why did Blonde win Worst Picture? Because it’s the only movie that managed to be more exploitative than the tabloids it tried to criticize, all while lasting longer than most Hollywood careers.
2. Morbin’ Time: Why did Jared Leto win Worst Actor? For a performance in Morbius that was so bafflingly weird it inspired a billion memes but convinced exactly zero people to buy a second ticket.
3. Tom Hanks’ Pinocchio: Why did he win Worst Supporting Actor? For playing Geppetto with an accent that sounded like he was trying to swallow a cuckoo clock while speaking “Italian.”
4. The Razzie Apology: Why did the Razzies win their own award? For nominating 12-year-old Ryan Kiera Armstrong, proving that even the “worst” awards can sometimes be the worst at reading the room.
5. Good Mourning: Why did Machine Gun Kelly’s movie win Worst Director? Because it proved that when you and your friends decide to make a movie, the only people laughing are the ones who didn’t pay for a ticket.
6. The 365 Days Sequel: Why did the sequels win Worst Remake, Rip-off or Sequel? Because Poland’s contribution to Razzie history is a franchise that makes Fifty Shades of Grey look like a documentary on library science.
7. Elvis’s Latex: Why was Tom Hanks nominated again? For his “latex-heavy” performance in Elvis, where his prosthetic nose and fat suit had more screen time than the actual Colonel Parker.
8. Jurassic World’s Cloning: Why was Dominion a target? For proving that even if you bring back the original cast and add giant locusts, you can still end up with a movie about prehistoric logic.
9. The Bubble’s Boredom: Why did The Bubble become a target? Because it’s a movie about actors trapped in a hotel that made the audience wish they were trapped in a hotel just to avoid watching it.
10. The Razzie Redeemer – Colin Farrell: Why did he win? For going from a Razzie nominee for Alexander (2004) to an Oscar nominee for The Banshees of Inisherin—proving that time and a donkey heal all wounds.

The Full 2022 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why Blonde? Because it’s a biopic that treats history like a suggestion and the audience like a punching bag.
12. Worst Actor: Why Jared Leto? For proving that “method acting” as a vampire mostly involves looking like you desperately need a nap and a juice box.
13. Worst Actress: Why “The Razzies” themselves? For the first time, the committee awarded themselves after the backlash for nominating a child—the only time they’ve shown self-awareness.
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Tom Hanks in Disney’s Pinocchio? For a performance more “wooden” than the puppet he was building.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Adria Arjona in Morbius? For being another actress who realized that a superhero movie role doesn’t always mean you’ll have anything to do.
16. Worst Director: Why Machine Gun Kelly and Mod Sun? For a movie so “hazy” they forgot to include actual comedic elements.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why Blonde? For dialogue that sounded like it was written on a napkin during a particularly depressing therapy session.
18. Worst Remake, Rip-off or Sequel: Why Disney’s Pinocchio and 365 Days? One was a soulless cash grab, and the other was just… soulless.
19. Worst Screen Couple: Why Tom Hanks and his latex face in Elvis? For an accent and a nose combo forged in prosthetic hell.
20. The Morbius Meme: Why did the studio re-release it? Because they thought internet jokes meant people liked it—they didn’t.
21. The Firestarter Burn: Why was the remake hit? For having 100% less spark than the 1984 original.
22. The Black Adam Hierarchy: Why was it hit? For promising to change the “hierarchy of power” but only changing the hierarchy of movies we’ll never watch again.
23. The Moonfall Logic: Why was it a joke? Because the Moon tries to kill Earth, and the audience found themselves rooting for the Moon.
24. The Redeeming Love Vibe: Why was it hit? For trying to turn a biblical allegory into a romance that ended up as a Razzie wasteland.
25. The Uncharted Mustache: Why Mark Wahlberg? For proving that gluing a mustache on in the last minute of a movie is not “character development.”
26. The Samaritan Burn: Why Sylvester Stallone? For proving that even a superhero version of Rocky can’t survive a script full of clichés.
27. The Jurassic World Run: Why Bryce Dallas Howard? For a performance where her main job was running from dinosaurs with a look of mild concern.
28. The Good Mourning Cameo: Why Pete Davidson? For playing a character exactly like Pete Davidson, but somehow less funny.
29. The 355 Failure: Why Penélope Cruz? For appearing in a spy movie so generic it felt like a screen saver.
30. The Amsterdam Mess: Why was it hit? For proving that 20 Oscar winners in a cast won’t help if only the director knows what’s happening in the scene.
31. The Me Time Burn: Why Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg? For a comedy that felt like a very long, very loud insurance commercial.
32. The Death on the Nile Moustache: Why Kenneth Branagh? For facial hair that was a bigger mystery than the actual murder.
33. The Purple Hearts Cringe: Why was it hit? For a Netflix romance that managed to unite the internet in deep confusion.
34. The Halloween Ends Logic: Why was it hit? For spending 90% of the movie on a new character nobody liked and 10% on Michael Myers.
35. The 2022 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because it was the year “Morbin’ Time” became the official unit of measurement for cinematic failure.