33 Fourth of July Jokes: The 2017 “Despacito & Spinners” Edition

In 2017, Independence Day was a “Tactile Experience.” We were all flicking Fidget Spinners with one hand while trying to type “Salt Bae” memes with the other. It was a year of peak Superhero movies, the rise of Nintendo Switch, and the realization that a song in Spanish could become the most-streamed track in human history.

The 2017 Independence Top 10: “Fidgets & Fast Tracks”

1. The Despacito Takeover: Why was the 2017 BBQ so “Slow”? Because the song was playing on every speaker in the neighborhood, making everyone move des-pa-cito from the grill to the table.
2. The Fidget Spinner Fever: Why did nobody clap for the fireworks? Because they were too busy trying to balance a spinning piece of plastic on their nose while recording a TikTok (well, Musical.ly).
3. The Nintendo Switch Launch: Why was the 2017 4th of July “Hybrid”? Because for the first time, the kids could play Zelda on the way to the parade and then “Snap” the controllers off to play Mario Kart on the picnic table.
4. The “Salt Bae” Style: Why was the Dad seasoning the ribs so dramatically? Because he saw a Turkish chef sprinkle salt off his elbow and decided that “Patriotic Seasoning” required a theatrical arm pose.
5. The Wonder Woman Power: Why was the 4th so “Amazonian”? Because Gal Gadot made “saving the world” look so effortless that every girl at the BBQ was using the trash can lid as a shield.
6. The “Shape of You” Loop: Why was the 2017 playlist so “Ed Sheeran”? Because he was in love with the “shape of you” (the burger) and he played on the radio every 7 minutes for 6 months straight.
7. The Spider-Man: Homecoming: Why was the 4th so “Youthful”? Because Tom Holland brought Spidey back to high school, making “doing your homework” feel like a legitimate part of the Avengers’ training.
8. The “Humble” Kanye/Kendrick Era: Why was the 4th so “Sit Down”? Because Kendrick Lamar told us all to “be humble” while we were trying to brag about our “extra-large” firework assortment.
9. The IT (2017) Fear: Why were we staying away from the storm drains? Because Bill Skarsgård’s Pennywise made every red balloon at the BBQ look like a trap from a demonic clown.
10. The “Bodak Yellow” Rise: Why was the 2017 BBQ so “Bloody”? Because Cardi B made “bloody shoes” a fashion statement, and we were all just trying to make “yellow mustard” a sauce statement.

The Full 2017 Fourth of July Archive

11. The “That’s What I Like” Bruno Mars: Why was the 4th so “Luxurious”? Because Bruno was promising us strawberry champagne and silk sheets while we were just hoping for cold soda and a clean napkin.
12. The Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: Why was the baby acting like a tree? Because “Baby Groot” was the cutest thing in the universe, and we all wanted a “tapes-and-dancing” lifestyle.
13. The “Stay” Zedd & Alessia Cara: Why was the 4th so “robotic”? Because the ticking-clock beat made us feel like the fireworks were about to launch every time the chorus hit.
14. The Logan Sadness: Why was the griller so “rugged”? Because Hugh Jackman gave Wolverine a gritty finale, making every Dad with a beard feel like a tragic, clawed hero.
15. The “Look What You Made Me Do”: Why did the old Taylor Swift “die”? Because 2017 was the year of the “Reputation” era, making every snake-patterned BBQ plate feel like a message.
16. The Get Out Paranoia: Why were we clinking the spoons against the teacups? Because the movie made “The Sunken Place” look like a real risk if the BBQ conversation got too awkward.
17. The “I’m the One” DJ Khaled: Why was the 4th so “Khaled”? Because he gathered Justin Bieber, Quavo, and Chance the Rapper just to shout “ANOTHER ONE” every time someone took a second burger.
18. The The LEGO Batman Movie: Why was the 4th “dark and broody”? Because Will Arnett’s Batman reminded us that “I’m Batman” is the only valid way to answer the phone.
19. The “Something Just Like This” Chainsmokers & Coldplay: Why was the 4th so “Average”? Because the song told us we don’t need “superhuman gifts,” which was lucky because our firework skills were mediocre at best.
20. The Thor: Ragnarok (Teasers): Why was the 4th so “Neon”? Because Taika Waititi was about to turn the MCU into an 80s synth-pop dream, and we were all ready for a “Hulk-sized” party.
21. The “Attention” Charlie Puth: Why was the 4th so “Bass-heavy”? Because Charlie Puth told us we just “want attention,” and we proved it by lighting 40 sparklers at once.
22. The Beauty and the Beast (Live Action): Why were the dishes talking? Because Emma Watson and a CGI teapot made us all believe that “Be Our Guest” was the official anthem of the buffet line.
23. The “Issues” Julia Michaels: Why was the 4th so “Emotional”? Because we all have “issues,” but at least we have them while watching a “Grand Finale” in the sky.
24. The The Fate of the Furious: Why was there a submarine on the highway? Because Vin Diesel proved that “Family” can defeat even a nuclear sub with just a few fast cars.
25. The “Believer” Imagine Dragons: Why did the BBQ feel like a workout? Because this song turned every simple task—like carrying a cooler—into an epic quest for “Pain!”
26. The Justice League Hype: Why was the 4th so “United”? Because we were all waiting to see if Batman and Superman could finally play nice together at the picnic.
27. The “New Rules” Dua Lipa: Why were the girls making a list? Because Dua Lipa gave us three rules for dealing with an ex, and Rule #4 was “don’t let them eat your grilled corn.”
28. The Baby Driver Soundtrack: Why was the Dad driving so rhythmically? Because the movie made us believe that every “gear shift” should perfectly match the beat of a 70s rock song.
29. The “Wild Thoughts” Rihanna: Why was the 4th so “Santana-esque”? Because DJ Khaled sampled the 1999 classic and made “looking at someone while eating a hot dog” feel very intense.
30. The Coco (Teasers): Why was the 4th so “Musical”? Because Pixar was about to teach us about “Remember Me,” making us all very sentimental about our Great-Grandmas’ potato salad.
31. The “Thunder” Imagine Dragons: Why was the 4th so “Lightning-y”? Because you couldn’t say the word “Thunder” without someone else repeating it ten times in a row.
32. The Kingsman: The Golden Circle: Why were we wearing orange velvet? Because the movie made “Spy-Chic” look like a great way to handle a BBQ in Kentucky.
33. The 2017 Final Vibe: Why was it a “Spiraling” 4th? Because we were flicking our Spinners, singing Despacito in phonetic Spanish, and realizing that the world was getting a lot more “Viral” by the minute.