32 Fourth of July Jokes: The 2014 “Ice Buckets & Awesome Mixes” Edition

In 2014, Independence Day was a “Global Viral Event.” We were all “Happy,” we were all “Groot,” and we were all very, very wet thanks to the Ice Bucket Challenge. It was a year of peak GoPro footage, the rise of the “Smartwatch” (that we still didn’t know how to use), and the realization that a soundtrack from the 70s could be the biggest hit of the summer.

The 2014 Independence Top 10: “Galaxies & Glaciers”

1. The Ice Bucket Challenge: Why was the 2014 BBQ so cold? Because every 10 minutes, someone’s phone would ring, and they’d have to dump a cooler full of ice over their head before they could finish their burger.
2. The Guardians of the Galaxy Hype: Why was the 2014 playlist so “Awesome”? Because Star-Lord made us all dig out our old walkmans and realize that “Hooked on a Feeling” is the ultimate song for a firework display.
3. The “Happy” Overload: Why was the host so energetic? Because Pharrell’s song played so many times that the guests were legally required to clap along, even if they were currently holding a plate of messy ribs.
4. The Interstellar Teasers: Why was the Dad staring at the cornfield? Because Matthew McConaughey made him believe that “love is the one thing that transcends time and space,” including the time it takes to slow-cook a brisket.
5. The “Shake It Off” Debut: Why was the 4th so “Taylor-made”? Because Swift officially went full-pop, giving every “hater” at the BBQ a reason to just shake, shake, shake it off.
6. The The LEGO Movie Pride: Why was the BBQ “Everything is Awesome”? Because Chris Pratt was the hero of 2014, and we all believed that a plastic world was better than a real one (until we stepped on a LEGO brick in the grass).
7. The “All About That Bass” Era: Why was the 2014 BBQ so “Treble-free”? Because Meghan Trainor told us that “every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top,” which is great news when you’re on your third dessert.
8. The Maleficent Cheekbones: Why was the Aunt so intense? Because Angelina Jolie made “High-Fashion Villainy” the official look of the summer, even while flipping a grilled cheese.
9. The Flappy Bird Frustration: Why was the 2014 BBQ so quiet? Because everyone was staring at their phones trying to get a score higher than “4” on a game that was literally designed to ruin our holiday.
10. The “Fancy” Iggy Azalea Loop: Why was the lemonade stand so “First Class”? Because Iggy and Charli XCX were the “realest,” and they wanted everyone to know that they were currently “in the fast lane from L.A. to Tokyo.”

The Full 2014 Fourth of July Archive

11. The “Stay with Me” Sam Smith: Why was the 4th so “Prayer-like”? Because Sam Smith’s vocals made us all want to hold hands and cry while the first sparklers were being lit.
12. The Captain America: The Winter Soldier: Why was the 4th so “Suspicious”? Because Marvel taught us that anyone—even the guy selling the fireworks—could secretly be a Hydra agent.
13. The “Turn Down for What” Drop: Why did the table break? Because DJ Snake and Lil Jon provided the ultimate “beat drop” for anyone who thought jumping off the porch into a pile of cushions was a good idea.
14. The Godzilla (2014) Roar: Why was the firework show so “Monstrous”? Because the new movie made us realize that the “BOOM” in the sky was actually just a giant lizard waking up for a snack.
15. The “Rude” Magic! Summer: Why was the Dad so defensive? Because the song made him practice his “No” for when a guy asks to marry his daughter while they’re both eating corn on the cob.
16. The Transformers: Age of Extinction: Why were the fireworks so long? Because Michael Bay decided that 165 minutes of explosions was the “minimum requirement” for a summer afternoon.
17. The “Chandelier” Sia Vocals: Why was the kid swinging from the patio umbrella? Because Sia told them to “swing from the chandelier,” and the umbrella was the closest thing available.
18. The Neighbors Movie: Why was the 4th of July a “War”? Because Seth Rogen and Zac Efron taught us that the only thing standing between you and a peaceful BBQ is a fraternity next door.
19. The “Stay High” Tove Lo: Why was the 2014 BBQ so “Trippy”? Because the Hippie Sabotage remix made us all feel like we were floating in a slow-motion video of a bubble popping.
20. The Dawn of the Planet of the Apes: Why were we being so diplomatic? Because Andy Serkis’s Caesar reminded us that “Ape not kill ape,” and “Family not fight over the last burger.”
21. The “Problem” Ariana Grande: Why was the 4th so “Less”? Because Ariana told us she had “one less problem without you,” which is exactly what we said to the mosquitoes.
22. The X-Men: Days of Future Past: Why was the 4th so “Time-Bending”? Because we were all trying to figure out if Quicksilver was fast enough to grab a hot dog before it even hit the plate.
23. The “Am I Wrong” Nico & Vinz: Why was the 2014 party so “Philosophical”? Because we were all “looking at the bigger picture” while trying to light a damp Roman Candle.
24. The 22 Jump Street Quotes: Why were the “undercover” Dads so obvious? Because Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum made “My name is Jeff” the only acceptable way to introduce yourself to a stranger.
25. The “Sing” Ed Sheeran: Why was the 4th so “Pharrell-produced”? Because even Ed Sheeran started dancing and “Oooo-oooo-ing” his way through the holiday.
26. The The Fault in Our Stars: Why was the BBQ “Okay? Okay.”: Because the movie made every teenager at the party think that “Infinity” was the only proper way to describe their love for potato chips.
27. The “Take Me to Church” Hozier: Why was the 4th so “Soulful”? Because Hozier’s deep voice made the act of refilling the cooler feel like a religious experience.
28. The How to Train Your Dragon 2: Why was the 4th so “Scaly”? Because Hiccup and Toothless returned to prove that “Dragons are the new fireworks” for 2014.
29. The “Uptown Funk” (Teasers): Why was the 4th “waiting”? Because Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson were about to drop the funkiest song of the decade, and we could already feel the rhythm in our toes.
30. The Lucy Movie Power: Why was the Mom so smart? Because Scarlett Johansson convinced her that she could use 100% of her brain to organize the perfect seating chart.
31. The “Dark Horse” Katy Perry: Why was the 4th so “Egyptian”? Because Katy Perry’s video made “Gold and Blue” the official color palette of every 2014 firework show.
32. The 2014 Final Vibe: Why was it a “Viral” 4th? Because we were “Happy,” wet from a “Challenge,” and “Hooked on a Feeling”—realizing that the world was now just one big, connected YouTube video.