32 Fourth of July Jokes: The 2007 “iPhone & Umbrella” Edition

In 2007, Independence Day was the start of the “Touchscreen Era.” We were still getting used to the idea of a phone without buttons, watching a yellow sponge move to the big screen, and witnessing the birth of the “Transformers” cinematic universe. It was a year of peak emo-pop, the final Harry Potter book release hype, and the last summer before we all became obsessed with “app stores.”

The 2007 Independence Top 10: “Touchscreens & Transformers”

1. The First iPhone Launch: Why was the 2007 BBQ so quiet? Because the “Early Adopters” spent the whole day trying to figure out how to “pinch-to-zoom” on a photo of a burger instead of actually eating it.
2. The “Umbrella” Reign: Why was the 4th of July so dry? Because Rihanna promised we could stand under her umbrella-ella-ella, and apparently, that was enough to keep the rain clouds away from the parade.
3. The Transformers Premiere: Why was the Dad staring at the family minivan? Because Michael Bay made him believe that if he hit the “Lock” button three times, the Chrysler Voyager would turn into a 20-foot tall robot named “Grill-o-tron.”
4. The Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Hype: Why were the kids ignoring the fireworks? Because the final book was coming out on July 21st, and they were too busy re-reading the 6th book to make sure they knew who the “Half-Blood Prince” was.
5. The “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” Dance: Why was the 2007 party so uncoordinated? Because every kid was trying to “Superman” that hot dog while doing a dance that looked like they were trying to catch a fly.
6. The Ratatouille Standard: Why was the kitchen so crowded? Because Pixar made us believe that even a rat could cook a better meal than your Uncle, leading to some very experimental backyard cuisine.
7. The “Stronger” Kanye West: Why was the 4th so “Futuristic”? Because Kanye’s Daft Punk sample made everyone feel like they were wearing shutter shades while flipping burgers in the year 3000.
8. The The Simpsons Movie: Why were there so many donuts at the BBQ? Because 2007 was the year of “Spider-Pig,” and everyone was doing their best Homer Simpson “D’oh!” every time a firework was a dud.
9. The “Buy U a Drank” T-Pain: Why did the cooler sound so melodic? Because Auto-Tune reached its peak, and even the host sounded like a robot when asking if you wanted “snappin’ or poppin'” on your plate.
10. The 300 “This is Sparta!” Quotes: Why was the burger flipping so aggressive? Because after seeing Leonidas, every Dad felt the need to kick the charcoal bag while shouting, “THIS! IS! A COOKOUT!”

The Full 2007 Fourth of July Archive

11. The “Big Girls Don’t Cry” Fergie: Why was the 4th so emotional? Because Fergie reminded us that even though the party was over, we still had to take our high-heeled sandals off and be “mature” about the leftover corn.
12. The Spider-Man 3 Dance: Why was the teenager acting so “emo”? Because Topher Grace’s Venom and Tobey Maguire’s “dark” dance moves convinced every teen that a fringe and a black t-shirt were July 4th essentials.
13. The “Apologize” Timbaland Remix: Why was the 4th of July “too late”? Because every time someone forgot to bring ice, the radio reminded them it was “too late to apologize.”
14. The Knocked Up Comedy Boom: Why was the BBQ so “relatable”? Because Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow made being an unprepared adult the official aesthetic of 2007.
15. The “Glamorous” Lifestyle: Why were the paper plates so fancy? Because Fergie and Ludacris made us feel like the “First Class” section of the lawn was right next to the inflatable pool.
16. The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End: Why was the 4th so “nautical”? Because the trilogy was “ending,” and we all realized that “Parley” is the only way to settle a dispute over the last drumstick.
17. The “Beautiful Girls” Sean Kingston: Why was the 4th so “Suicidal” (Wait, “Denial”)? Because this song played on a loop until we all forgot what a “Ben-e-fit” actually was.
18. The Superbad McLovin: Why were the fake IDs so bad? Because Fogell made every 18-year-old think “McLovin” was a legitimate way to buy a 6-pack for the fireworks.
19. The “Cupid Shuffle” Takeover: Why was the line dance so long? Because if you didn’t go “to the right, to the right,” you weren’t actually participating in 2007.
20. The Live Free or Die Hard: Why was the 4th so “Digital”? Because Justin Long and Bruce Willis proved that you can take down a helicopter with a car, but you still need a Dad to fix the Wi-Fi.
21. The “Bleeding Love” Leona Lewis: Why were the napkins so necessary? Because Leona Lewis kept “cutting us open” with her vocals while we were trying to eat ribs.
22. The Bee Movie Memes: Why were we talking to insects? Because Jerry Seinfeld convinced us that bees have feelings and might sue us if we swat them away from the watermelon.
23. The “Bubbly” Colbie Caillat: Why was the 4th so “Cute”? Because this song made everyone feel like they were in a romantic comedy while putting on SPF 30.
24. The The Bourne Ultimatum: Why was everyone running? Because Matt Damon finished his trilogy, making “walking quickly through a crowd with a backpack” the coolest thing you could do at a parade.
25. The “Cyclone” Baby Bash: Why was the wind so specific? Because T-Pain was on the track, and suddenly every summer breeze felt like it was “moving like a cyclone.”
26. The Ocean’s Thirteen: Why were the Dads planning a heist? Because George Clooney and Brad Pitt made “stealing the neighbor’s secret BBQ sauce recipe” feel like a high-stakes Las Vegas operation.
27. The “Hey There Delilah” Loop: Why was the 4th so acoustic? Because Plain White T’s made every guy with a guitar think he could win over a girl by singing about New York City.
28. The Hairspray Remake: Why was the 4th so “Voluminous”? Because John Travolta in a dress proved that “You Can’t Stop the Beat,” even if the humidity is at 100%.
29. The “Gimme More” Britney Hype: Why was the party “waiting”? Because everyone was anticipating the VMA performance, and “It’s Britney, B*tch” was the only way to answer the phone.
30. The Enchanted Reality: Why was the squirrel talking? Because Amy Adams made us believe that New York was a fairy tale and our backyard was a musical waiting to happen.
31. The “No One” Alicia Keys: Why was the 4th so unified? Because Alicia Keys told us that “no one” can get in the way of what she’s feeling—which was mostly “really hot and hungry.”
32. The 2007 Final Vibe: Why was it a “Modern” 4th? Because we were holding the first iPhone, singing “Umbrella,” and realizing that the world was about to get a lot smaller, a lot faster, and a lot more digital.