177 Classic Punny One-Liners: The iPhone & Hashtag Edition (2007)

The 2007 Top 10: Smart & Tagged Classics

1. The iPhone: I tried to call a ghost on my new iPhone, but it didn’t have a “dead”-icated line.
2. The Hashtag: I started using the pound sign before words. I guess I’m just “tagging” along with the trends. #Puns
3. The Ratatouille: A rat is cooking in my kitchen. It’s a “mice” surprise, but the health inspector might disagree.
4. The Transformers: My car turned into a robot today. It was an “auto”-matic transformation.
5. The Harry Potter (Order of the Phoenix): I tried to join the Order, but I couldn’t find the “fire”-exit.
6. The Mad Men: I’m a 1960s advertising executive. I’m just “selling” my soul one pun at a time.
7. The Simpsons Movie: Why did Spider-Pig cross the road? To get to the “other-slop.”
8. The Juno: I’m a pregnant teenager with a great soundtrack. I’m just “laboring” over these jokes.
9. The No Country for Old Men: I tried to flip a coin with a hitman. It was a “toss-up” whether I’d survive.
10. The Bee Movie: According to all known laws of aviation, this joke shouldn’t be “fly.”

The Full 2007 Archive (The “Multi-Touch” List)

11. The Battery: I’m “charged” up for the smartphone revolution.
12. The Magnet: I’m “attracted” to the new app store rumors.
13. The Mirror: I’m “reflecting” on life before touchscreens.
14. The Camera: I’m “focusing” on my 2-megapixel masterpieces.
15. The MP3: I’m “streaming” toward a buttonless future.
16. The Firewall: I’m “blocking” the spam on my new mobile browser.
17. The Virus: I’m “infecting” the hashtag-sphere with wordplay.
18. The Laptop: I’m feeling “obsolete” next to this phone.
19. The Screen: I’m “scrolling” through my potential.
20. The Mouse: I’m “clicking” with my fingers now.
21. The Keyboard: I’m “typing” on glass—it’s a “shattering” experience.
22. The Printer: I’m “inking” about a digital-only lifestyle.
23. The Scanner: I’m “beaming” my contact info via Bluetooth.
24. The Modem: I’m “connecting” at 3G speeds—life is fast!
25. The Router: I’m “routing” for the iPhone to succeed.
26. The Website: I’m “optimizing” my life for mobile.
27. The Link: I’m “hyper-linking” my social circles.
28. The Cursor: I’m “pointing” out that buttons are over.
29. The Password: I’m “locking” my phone with a 4-digit code.
30. The Folder: I’m “organizing” my apps for the first time.
31. The File: I’m “zipping” through the new tech.
32. The Desktop: I’m “iconic” even on a small screen.
33. The Wallpaper: I’m “setting” a picture of my dog as my background.
34. The Icon: I’m a “symbol” of the modern era.
35. The Trash Can: I’m “deleting” my old flip-phone memories.
36. The Window: I’m “browsing” Safar-i-ously.
37. The Menu: I’m “tapping” into my creative side.
38. The Scroll: I’m “rolling” my thumb down the screen.
39. The Save: I’m “storing” my life in the cloud (almost).
40. The Load: I’m “buffering” my excitement for the next model.
41. The Font: I’m just your “Helvetica” type of guy.
42. The Bold: I’m “italic-izing” my importance in the thread.
43. The Space: I “need” more than 8GB of storage.
44. The Shift: I’m “changing” the way I talk.
45. The Control: I’m “alt-ering” my status update.
46. The Escape: I’m “fleeing” from the lack of a headphone jack (wait, not yet).
47. The Home: I’m “pressing” the only button left.
48. The Tab: I’m “keeping” a tab on the stock market.
49. The Delete: I’m “erasing” the “Sent from my iPhone” signature.
50. The Number: I’m “counting” my minutes.
51. The Bread: I’m “rising” to the challenge of a touchscreen.
52. The Butter: I’m “spreading” the news on the forum.
53. The Egg: I’m “cracking” the code for a jailbreak.
54. The Cheese: I’m “grating” on the nerves of BlackBerry users.
55. The Milk: I’m “milking” the novelty of visual voicemail.
56. The Coffee: I’m “brewing” an app idea.
57. The Tea: I’m “spilling” the tech specs.
58. The Sugar: I’m “coating” my review in praise.
59. The Salt: I’m “shaking” off the critics.
60. The Honey: I’m “stuck” on this one-handed typing.
61. The Jam: I’m “jamming” to music without a Discman.
62. The Toast: I’m the “talk” of the Apple Store.
63. The Juice: I’m “concentrating” on the battery life.
64. The Water: I’m “streaming” low-res videos.
65. The Soda: I’m “fizzing” with digital joy.
66. The Apple: I’m “taking” a bite out of the future.
67. The Banana: I’m “peeling” away from my old Nokia.
68. The Orange: I’m “glad” I have a glass screen.
69. The Grape: I’m “whining” about the price.
70. The Melon: I’m “one” in a million early adopters.
71. The Peach: I’m “just” feeling high-tech.
72. The Pear: We’re a “fruitful” pair of tech-heads.
73. The Plum: I’ve got a “juicy” app recommendation.
74. The Cherry: I’m the “pick” of the genius bar.
75. The Lemon: I hope my phone isn’t a “lemon.”
76. The Lime: I’m in the “limelight” with my gadget.
77. The Berry: I’m “berry” sorry for your loss, BlackBerry.
78. The Nut: I’m “cracking” the screen (oops).
79. The Bean: I’ve “been” waiting for this since the 90s.
80. The Corn: This pun is “shucking” high-definition.
81. The Potato: I’m a “couch” potato with a handheld world.
82. The Tomato: I’m “ketching” up on my emails in bed.
83. The Carrot: I’m “rooting” for the new OS.
84. The Onion: I’m “peeling” back the plastic wrap.
85. The Garlic: I’m “breath-taking” in 2 megapixels.
86. The Mushroom: I’m a “fun-gi” to text.
87. The Tree: I’m “branching” out into mobile gaming.
88. The Leaf: I’m “turning” over a new digital leaf.
89. The Flower: I’m “blooming” in the app store.
90. The Bee: I’m “buzzing” with every notification.
91. The Ant: I’m “working” on my signal strength.
92. The Spider: I’m “weaving” through the mobile web.
93. The Fish: I’m “hooked” on the accelerometer.
94. The Bird: I’m “tweeting” with a hashtag now.
95. The Cat: I’m “purr-fectly” synced.
96. The Dog: I’m “barking” up the right cellular tower.
97. The Horse: I’m “stable” for the next update.
98. The Cow: I’m “moo-ving” to a data plan.
99. The Pig: I’m “hogging” the Wi-Fi.
100. The Sheep: I’m “following” the Apple keynote.
101. The Duck: I’m “quacking” up at the auto-correct.
102. The Bear: I can’t “bear” to go back to a keypad.
103. The Lion: I’m “pride-ful” of my tech specs.
104. The Tiger: I’m “earning” my stripes as a power user.
105. The Elephant: I’ll “never” forget my old ringtones.
106. The Monkey: I’m “swinging” by the tech blog.
107. The Snake: I’m “hiss-terical” about the new emojis.
108. The Turtle: I’m “slowly” learning to type with my thumbs.
109. The Frog: I’m “leaping” into the smartphone age.
110. The Sun: I’m “shining” through the glare.
111. The Moon: I’m “phasing” out my old gadgets.
112. The Star: I’m “twinkling” in the digital sky.
113. The Cloud: I’m “feeling” a bit foggy on how sync works.
114. The Rain: I’m “pouring” my heart into a text.
115. The Snow: I’m “chilled” out with my music.
116. The Wind: I’m “blown” away by the zoom feature.
117. The Fire: I’m “on fire” with my social posts.
118. The Water: I’m “treading” the depths of the internet.
119. The Earth: I’m “grounded” in the mobile revolution.
120. The Air: I’m “broadcasting” my location.
121. The Metal: I’m “hardened” by the steel casing.
122. The Wood: I’m “pining” for more battery life.
123. The Glass: I’m “transparent” about my tech addiction.
124. The Plastic: I’m “flexible” but the screen isn’t.
125. The Paper: I’m “writing” the new history.
126. The Stone: I’m “rocking” the first-gen look.
127. The Sand: I’m “shore” this is the future.
128. The Dust: I’m “settling” for 2G in some areas.
129. The Smoke: I’m “vanishing” into the screen.
130. The Mirror: I’m “seeing” the world differently.
131. The Shadow: I’m “lurking” in the app store.
132. The Echo: I’m “repeating” the buzzwords.
133. The Silence: I’m “muted” in the meeting.
134. The Light: I’m “brightening” up my contacts list.
135. The Dark: I’m “dimming” the screen to save juice.
136. The Sound: I’m “vibrating” with every tag.
137. The Peace: I’m “soaring” through the OS.
138. The Clock: I’m “ticking” off the hours on my phone.
139. The Calendar: I’m “dating” my digital life.
140. The Compass: I’m “oriented” by GPS (eventually).
141. The Map: I’m “unfolding” the digital map.
142. The Glove: I’m “fitting” into the new era.
143. The Shoe: I’m “sole-ful” about my mobile journey.
144. The Sock: I’m “toasty” while I surf the web.
145. The Hat: I’m “capped” by my data limit.
146. The Belt: I’m “tightening” my privacy settings.
147. The Scarf: I’m “wrapped” up in a thread.
148. The Jacket: I’m “zipping” through the apps.
149. The Pocket: I’m “holding” the whole world.
150. The Thread: I’m “starting” a hashtag.
151. The Needle: I’m “pinning” my hopes on tech.
152. The Thimble: I’m “protecting” my data.
153. The Patch: I’m “waiting” for the firmware update.
154. The Fabric: I’m “weaving” a digital story.
155. The Wool: I’m “pulling” out my headphones.
156. The Cotton: I’m “soft” on the touch.
157. The Silk: I’m “smooth” like the interface.
158. The Velvet: I’m “feeling” premium.
159. The Denim: I’m “wearing” out my thumbs.
160. The Leather: I’m “tough” on my case.
161. The Canvas: I’m “painting” a new status.
162. The Lace: I’m “tie-ing” into the web.
163. The Satin: I’m “shining” on the grid.
164. The Corduroy: I’m “ridged” for your pleasure (wait, wrong year).
165. The Suede: I’m “soft” on the apps.
166. The Linen: I’m “fresh” off the keynote.
167. The Cashmere: I’m “expensive” but worth it.
168. The Flannel: I’m “staying” warm while texting.
169. The Polyester: I’m “synthetic-ally” funny.
170. The Rayon: I’m “beaming” with joy.
171. The Spandex: I’m “stretching” my data.
172. The Tweed: I’m “classic” but smart.
173. The Gingham: I’m “checked” in on Foursquare (soon).
174. The Plaid: I’m “patterned” for success.
175. The Stripe: I’m “lining” up for the iPhone 3G.
176. The Dot: I’m “connecting” the dots in 2007.
177. The End: I’m “tapping” out—catch you in 2008!