62 Light Bulb Jokes: The 1999 Retro Edition

In 1999, we were all living on the edge of the future. We were partying like it was, well, 1999, while secretly hoarding bottled water and batteries in case the computers took over at midnight on December 31st. It was the year of the red pill, the silver jumpsuit, and the realization that the internet was here to stay. The light bulb jokes of 1999 are fast, slightly paranoid, and heavily influenced by the peak of 90s pop culture.

The 1999 Top 10: Millennium Bug Edition

1. The Neo (The Matrix): There is no light bulb.
2. The Morpheus: You take the blue bulb, the story ends. You take the red bulb, you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the socket goes.
3. The Y2K Doomsday Prepper: It doesn’t matter how many people it takes; the power grid is going down in four months anyway.
4. The Pokémon Master: I don’t need to change it, I’ll just use a Pikachu with a Flash attack!
5. The Jar Jar Binks: “Meesa thinkin’ the lighty-thingy be broken!”
6. The Napster User: One, but it takes 14 hours to download the “Light_Bulb_Full_Version.exe” and it’s actually a virus.
7. The Britney Spears Fan: “Oops!… I blew it again. I played with your filament, got lost in the game.”
8. The Blair Witch Filmmaker: One, but they’ll just stand in the corner of the dark room and cry while holding a shaky camcorder.
9. The Santana & Rob Thomas Fan: “Give me the light, make it real, or else forget about it!”
10. The iMac User: One, but the bulb is lime green, see-through, and doesn’t have a floppy drive.

The Full 1999 Archive (Extended List)

11. The Tony Hawk Pro Skater: One, but they have to do a 900-degree spin to screw it in.
12. The Fatboy Slim Fan: “Right about now… the light bulb’s out!”
13. The Sixth Sense Kid: “I see dead light bulbs.”
14. The Austin Powers Villain: “I’ll change the bulb for… ONE MILLION DOLLARS!”
15. The Dreamcast Player: One, but the bulb is 128-bit and ahead of its time.
16. The Ricky Martin Fan: One, but they’re “Livin’ la Vida Loca” in the dark.
17. The Futurama Fan: “Good news, everyone! I’ve invented a bulb that changes itself!”
18. The Smash Mouth Fan: “Somebody once told me the bulb was gonna roll me…”
19. The Google Beta Tester: One, but they’re still trying to rank the bulb’s relevance.
20. The SpongeBob Fan: “I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready to… sit in the dark!”
21. The American Pie Teen: One, but you don’t want to know what they did with the bulb.
22. The Mummy Explorer: “You must not read from the Book of the Dead… or the bulb will blow!”
23. The Office Space Worker: “I’m gonna need you to go ahead and change that bulb on Saturday. Mmm-kay?”
24. The Fight Club Member: The first rule of Light Bulb Club is: You do not talk about the light bulb.
25. The Inspector Gadget: “Go-go-gadget light bulb!”
26. The Wild Wild West Fan: One, but the bulb is a giant mechanical spider for some reason.
27. The Family Guy Fan: “Victory is mine! The light has returned!”
28. The Digimon Fan: One, but the bulb digivolves into a chandelier.
29. The Eiffel 65 Fan: “I’m blue, da ba dee da ba… wait, the bulb is blue too?”
30. The Tarzan (Disney) Fan: One, but they have to slide down the banister to reach the socket.
31. The South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut Fan: They don’t change it; they just blame Canada for the darkness.
32. The Eminem Fan: “Will the real Slim Shady please screw the bulb in?”
33. The TLC Fan: “No, I don’t want no scrub… bulbs.”
34. The Cher Fan: “Do you believe in light after love?”
35. The Sopranos Boss: “Forget about it. The bulb fell off a truck.”
36. The Roller Coaster Tycoon: One, but they’ll make the ladder too intense for the guests to use.
37. The Everquest Player: “I can’t change it right now, I’m in a raid!”
38. The Tigger: “The wonderful thing about bulbs is bulbs are wonderful things!”
39. The Furby: “Light… hungry… FEED ME!”
40. The Nokia Snake Player: One, but they have to eat 50 dots before they can reach the socket.
41. The Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Contestant: “I’d like to phone a friend who knows how to screw in a bulb.”
42. The Zen Master: The light was always there; you were just looking with your eyes.
43. The Suburban Goth: “Finally, the room matches my eyeliner.”
44. The Dial-up Kid: “Mom! Get off the phone so the light can come on!”
45. The Mall Rat: “Is there a Hot Topic in this dark hallway?”
46. The Skater Girl: “He was a 60-watt, she said see ya later watt.”
47. The Scientist: “We’ve mapped the human genome, but we still use these glass things?”
48. The Librarian: “I’ve archived the burnt-out bulb in the ‘Historical Failures’ section.”
49. The Gym Teacher: “If you can dodge a ladder, you can change a bulb!”
50. The Chef: “It needs more zest and a higher wattage.”
51. The Optimist: “Now we can see the stars through the window better!”
52. The Pessimist: “The darkness is just the beginning of the Y2K collapse.”
53. The Pro-Wrestler: One, but they have to jump off the ladder and elbow-drop the floor.
54. The Detective: “The filament didn’t just break… it was snapped from the inside!”
55. The Tourist: “Does this light socket look ‘authentic’ to you?”
56. The Ghost: “I liked the flicker. It reminded me of home.”
57. The Reality TV Producer: “Can we get more ‘confessional’ time with the ladder?”
58. The Bodybuilder: “I’ll change it, but I’m doing it one-handed while drinking a protein shake.”
59. The Sailor: “Red light at night, sailor’s delight. Burnt light at night, we’re hitting the pier.”
60. The Poet: “A shattered orb, a silent room, the glass is cold, the night is gloom.”
61. The Bus Driver: “Everybody move to the front where there’s still a little light!”
62. The 1999 Legend: One, but they do it while wearing a silver windbreaker and tinted sunglasses indoors.