59 Mother-in-Law Jokes: The 2022 “Wordle & Slap” Edition

In 2022, we were all obsessed with finding five-letter words and debating “The Slap” heard ’round the world. It was the year of Top Gun: Maverick, the launch of the James Webb Telescope, and the “Gentleminions” trend. For the mother-in-law, this meant her critiques were now high-definition deep-space imagery and her verbal sting was swifter than a Hollywood awards ceremony gone wrong.

The 2022 Top 10: The “Five Letters & One Slap” Classics

1. The Wordle: My mother-in-law is like Wordle. She’s only interested in five-letter words, like “LAZY,” “SMALL,” or “FAILY”—and she won’t stop until she gets to the “green” (which is usually the color of my face when she’s done).
2. The Oscar Slap: I told my mother-in-law a joke about her hair. She didn’t slap me, but she gave me a look that felt like a 4k slow-motion knockout. She said, “Keep my daughter’s name out of your mouth until you find a job with a dental plan.”
3. The Top Gun: We saw Top Gun: Maverick. My mother-in-law said, “A man returning to a job he should have retired from 30 years ago? It reminded me of your father-in-law trying to fix the lawnmower.”
4. The James Webb Telescope: I showed her the first photos from the deep-space telescope. She said, “It can see the beginning of the universe, but can it see why you still haven’t cleared the gutters?”
5. The BeReal: She joined the “BeReal” app. It sent her a notification at 3 PM. She took a photo of me sleeping on the sofa and captioned it: “The Real Reason My Daughter Is Tired.”
6. The Gentleminions: She saw a group of teenagers in suits going to see the Minions movie. She said, “Finally, young people dressing with respect—unlike someone who thinks gym shorts are ‘formal dinner attire’.”
7. The Elizabeth II: When the Queen passed away, my mother-in-law said, “70 years on the throne. I’ve only been on this sofa for three days and you’re already looking at me like I’m an ancient monument.”
8. The Gas Prices: I told her gas prices are going up. She said, “Maybe that’ll stop you from driving me crazy every time we’re in the car together.”
9. The Duolingo: She’s using Duolingo to learn Spanish. She said, “I need to learn a new language so I can complain about you to the neighbors without you understanding.”
10. The Google (Part 16): She asked Google, “How to beat a son-in-law at Wordle in one guess?” Google replied, “Just say ‘LOSER’—it’s five letters and accurate.”

The Full 2022 Archive (Extended List)

11. The 5-Letter Word: She told me my personality is a five-letter word: “BLANK.”
12. The Metaverse (Part 2): She bought “Virtual Real Estate” next to my virtual house in the Metaverse. There is no escape, even in 3D.
13. The QR Code: She tried to scan my face with her phone. She said, “I thought it was a QR code for a discount on ‘Common Sense,’ but it’s just a blank link.”
14. The Elon & Twitter: She says my life is like Twitter—”Unorganized, full of drama, and currently being ruined by a man with too much time on his hands.”
15. The Smart Home (Part 5): She told the smart fridge it was “the only thing in the house with a cool interior.”
16. The E-mail Priority: She’s started using “Self-Destructing” messages. “If you don’t read my advice in 30 seconds, you’ve already failed,” she noted.
17. The Garden: She told the roses they were “lacking a modern aesthetic.”
18. The iPhone 14 Pro: She loves the “Dynamic Island.” She says, “It’s like your brain—a small, dark space where occasionally something useful pops up before disappearing.”
19. The Coffee: Her coffee is so strong it’s actually being investigated by the EPA.
20. The Sitcom: She says The White Lotus is “too relaxing.” She prefers a vacation where she can be the one creating the tension.
21. The Cleaning: She brought a drone into the house to check the dust on top of the kitchen cabinets.
22. The Wedding Video: She’s trying to sell “Commemorative Oscar Slap” style edits of our wedding video.
23. The Neighbor: She told the neighbor his mailbox was “excessively horizontal.”
24. The Airbag: She asked if the car has “Judgmental Sensors.” I told her she’s sitting on them.
25. The Internet Search: She searched for “How to trade a son-in-law for a year’s supply of high-end yarn.”
26. The Digital Photo: She says digital photos are “too sharp.” She wants a filter that makes me look like “a person with a retirement plan.”
27. The Library: She checked out a book on “The History of Grudges.” She said it was “a bit light on the details.”
28. The Mirror: She looked in the mirror and asked why it was “judging her back.”
29. The Vacuum: She says the Dyson has “more drive” than I do.
30. The Map: I bought her a digital map. It started “Recalculating” her life choices as soon as she opened the app.
31. The Chat Room: She’s the only person who can make a “Thumbs Up” emoji look like a subpoena.
32. The Supermarket: She tried to return a baguette because it was “insufficiently French.”
33. The Alarm Clock: She says my alarm clock is “brave” for thinking I’ll get out of bed on the first ring.
34. The Restaurant: She asked the waiter if the soup was “socially acceptable” or just “filling.”
35. The Rain: She says the rain in 2022 is “too loud.”
36. The Diary: Her diary entry: “Day 6. The son-in-law still doesn’t realize I’ve hidden the remote in the freezer.”
37. The Phone: She’s the only person who can make “Battery Full” sound like a threat.
38. The Suitcase: Her luggage is so heavy it requires its own escort vehicle.
39. The Pizza: She told the pizza guy his shoes were “a cry for help.”
40. The Thermostat: She says 70 degrees is “the temperature of a failed state.”
41. The Bird: My parrot started saying “You missed a spot.” He’s officially her apprentice.
42. The Exercise: She says her favorite sport is “marathon nagging.”
43. The Window: She spends so much time at the window she’s practically a security system.
44. The Ghost: She told a ghost its “sheet was off-white” and it should “really try harder.”
45. The Calculator: She used a calculator to prove I’ve spent 40% of our marriage looking for the remote.
46. The Hat: Her Sunday hat is so big it’s causing a localized eclipse.
47. The Story: She tells a story about her childhood that always proves I’m not qualified to use a toaster.
48. The Guest Room: She says the guest room curtains are “passive-aggressive.”
49. The Car Trip: We drove to the forest. She said the trees were “too close together.”
50. The New Year: She’s already making a list of “2023 Failures” for me.
51. The Cake: She baked a cake so hard I’m using it as a base for the new garden shed.
52. The Radio: She hates “Lo-Fi Beats.” She says it sounds like “someone who has given up on ever finding a chorus.”
53. The Tea: Her tea is so hot it’s actually a localized sun.
54. The Walk: When she walks through the park, the ducks form a line to complain to her.
55. The Postcard: She sent a postcard from a desert island. It said: “Peace at last. But the sand is too sandy.”
56. The Camera: She thinks the “Self-Timer” on a camera is a way for it to “prepare to be disappointed.”
57. The Furniture: She told the bookshelf it was “lacking a clear narrative.”
58. The Final Word: She doesn’t just get the last word. She gets the copyright, the trademark, and the syndication rights.
59. The 2022 Wrap-Up: She said 2022 was a year of “heightened awareness.” Mostly awareness of how much I still need to fix in the guest bathroom.