52 Adult Jokes: The 2014 “Ice Buckets & Broken Internets” Edition

In 2014, adult humor was as cold as a bucket of ice and as thirsty as a Kim K photo shoot. It was the year of the GoPro on everything, the Pharrell “Happy” song that made us all a little grumpy after the 400th listen, and the realization that Tinder was no longer a secret—it was a second job.

The 2014 Top 10: The “Frozen & Famous” Jokes

1. The Ice Bucket Challenge: A guy pours a bucket of ice on his head and nominates his wife to do the same. She says, “I’ve been living in a house with a zero-degree romance and a husband who forgets our anniversary for ten years, Kevin. I’ve already completed the challenge.”
2. The Kim Kardashian Internet: “Kim Kardashian broke the internet with her backside!” “That’s nothing. My wife broke the bank account with a pair of boots and a ‘limited edition’ handbag. The crash was way more devastating.”
3. The Interstellar Logic: Why is marriage like the movie Interstellar? Because one hour of arguing about where to eat feels like seven years on Earth, and eventually, you’re just a guy in a closet crying while watching old videos of yourself having fun.
4. The John Wick Warning: “I’m like John Wick!” “A legendary hitman?” “No, if you touch my dog or my leftover pizza, I will go on a silent, highly-choreographed rampage through this entire living room.”
5. The Tinder “Bae”: “I found my ‘Bae’ on Tinder!” “Does ‘Bae’ know that you still haven’t deleted the app and that your profile says you’re a ‘professional adventurer’ when you’re actually just a junior accountant?”
6. The Guardians of the Galaxy: “I’m Star-Lord!” “No, you’re a guy with a 1980s mixtape and a trash panda (the raccoon in the garage) that you’re currently trying to feed a cracker.”
7. The Pharrell “Happy” Fever: “Because I’m happy… clap along if you feel like a room without a roof!” “Clap along if you realize that the roof is leaking and the repairman is charging $500 just to look at it.”
8. The Flappy Bird Regret: “I spent five hours playing Flappy Bird today.” “Did you get a high score?” “No, I smashed my phone and now I have to explain to the insurance company that a pixelated bird ruined my life.”
9. The GoPro Reality: “I bought a GoPro for our vacation!” “To record your skydiving?” “No, to record the 4-hour argument we’re going to have about the GPS directions in high-definition 4K.”
10. The Frozen Sequel Rumors: “Let it go, let it go!” “I’m trying to let it go, Brenda, but you’re still bringing up the mistake I made in 2004 like it happened this morning!”

The Full 2014 Adult Archive (Items 11–52)

11. The Uber Arrival: “I called an Uber!” “Is it cheaper than a taxi?” “I don’t know, but it feels more ‘modern’ to get into a stranger’s Toyota Camry while tracking their every move on a map.”
12. The Birdman Movie: “I’m having a meta-existential crisis!” “No, you’re just walking around in your underwear again. Put some clothes on, Michael Keaton.”
13. The Gone Girl Marriage: Why is every husband in 2014 nervous? Because they watched Gone Girl and now every time their wife says “I have a surprise,” they wonder if they need a lawyer or a search party.
14. The Maleficent Vibe: “I’m a powerful fairy with a dark past!” “No, you’re just cranky because you stayed up until 3 AM watching Netflix. Drink your coffee.”
15. The 22 Jump Street: “I’m going to college!” “You’re 40. The only ‘Jump Street’ you’re doing is jumping to conclusions about why the neighbors are louder than us.”
16. The Neighbors Movie: “We have frat boys living next door!” “Are they throwing parties?” “No, they’re just mowing their lawn better than you, and it’s hurting your ego.”
17. The Grand Budapest Hotel: “I’m a world-class concierge!” “Then concierge some dinner into this house, because the fridge is empty and I’m hungry.”
18. The Godzilla Reboot: “It’s a giant monster!” “No, that’s just the mother-in-law’s car pulling into the driveway. Hide the good whiskey.”
19. The Boyhood Movie: “It took 12 years to make this!” “Just like it’s taking 12 years for you to finish the basement. We’re living a masterpiece of procrastination.”
20. The Whiplash Teacher: “Not quite my tempo!” “It’s a microwave timer, Dave. The popcorn is done. Relax.”
21. The American Sniper: “I’m a marksman!” “You missed the trash can from two feet away with a crumpled napkin. Sit down, Chris Kyle.”
22. The Lucy Movie: “I’m using 100% of my brain capacity!” “Then why did you leave the keys inside the car while it was still running?”
23. The Dumb and Dumber To: “We’re back!” “Nobody asked for a sequel to your 20s, Harold. Especially not your liver.”
24. The Fault in Our Stars: “Okay? Okay.” “No, it’s not okay that you spent the grocery money on a new video game.”
25. The Lego Movie: “Everything is awesome!” “Except for the fact that I just stepped on a Lego in the dark. My life is a tragedy.”
26. The Transformers 4: “Age of Extinction!” “Is that what you call the period after you turned 40 and stopped going to the gym?”
27. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: “I’m a ninja!” “You’re a guy in a shell of debt who eats too much pizza. You’re half-way there.”
28. The Expendables 3: “We’re getting the whole gang back together!” “To fight a dictator?” “No, to go to the urologist and discuss our joint pain.”
29. The Annabelle Ghost: “The doll moved!” “No, the cat knocked it over. Stop watching horror movies and help me with the laundry.”
30. The Into the Woods: “I’m going into the woods!” “The backyard isn’t a forest, Kevin. Just trim the hedges.”
31. The Night at the Museum 3: “Everything comes to life!” “Especially the dust bunnies under the bed that you haven’t vacuumed in months.”
32. The Taken 3: “They’re coming for me again!” “It’s the telemarketers, Liam. Just don’t answer the phone.”
33. The Fifty Shades Trailer: “The movie is coming out next year!” “Great, another year of you buying rope and not using it to fix the hammock like I asked.”
34. The Silicon Valley Show: “I’m a tech genius!” “You’re a guy who restarted the router and now you think you’re Steve Wozniak.”
35. The True Detective: “Time is a flat circle.” “That explains why we’re having the exact same argument about the dishes for the 400th time.”
36. The Kim K Paper Cover: “I can balance a champagne glass on my… shelf.” “In this house, the only thing we’re balancing is the checkbook, and it’s looking very shaky.”
37. The Ice Bucket Challenge #2: “I’m doing it for charity!” “The only ‘charity’ you need to focus on is the ‘Help My Husband Find His Socks’ foundation.”
38. The Taylor Swift “Shake It Off”: “Players gonna play, play, play…” “And husbands gonna stay, stay, stay on the couch until the football game is over.”
39. The Meghan Trainor: “I’m all about that bass!” “You’re all about that bass fishing and ignoring your household chores, Steve.”
40. The Sia “Chandelier”: “I’m gonna swing from the chandelier!” “Don’t you dare. That thing was $300 at IKEA and the ceiling won’t hold your ‘1-2-3-drink’ weight.”
41. The Sam Smith: “Stay with me…” “I’m trying, Sam, but the Wi-Fi signal in this room is terrible.”
42. The Iggy Azalea: “I’m so fancy!” “You’re wearing sweatpants with a hole in them and eating cereal out of a Tupperware. You’re the opposite of fancy.”
43. The Nicki Minaj “Anaconda”: “My anaconda don’t want none…” “Unless you’ve got buns, hun. And by ‘buns’, I mean the ones for the burgers I asked you to buy.”
44. The Hozier: “Take me to church!” “I’ll take you to the Home Depot, it’s the only place you worship anyway.”
45. The Lorde: “We’ll never be royals.” “Clearly, judging by the fact that we’re eating ramen on a Friday night.”
46. The Pharrell Hat: “Why are you wearing that giant hat?” “I’m a fashion icon!” “You look like a Canadian Mountie who lost his horse. Take it off.”
47. The Apple Watch Announcement: “It’s a computer on your wrist!” “Can it tell me why I’m still single?” “No, but it can track your heart rate while you realize it.”
48. The Facebook Messenger App: “Why do I have to download a separate app to talk?” “Because Mark Zuckerberg wants to own a separate folder in your brain, that’s why.”
49. The Flappy Bird Part 2: “I’m having withdrawals!” “It’s a bird made of four pixels, Kevin. Go outside and look at a real one.”
50. The Interstellar Time Dilation: “I’ve been in the bathroom for 20 years!” “No, it’s been twenty minutes, and the kids are screaming. Get out.”
51. The 2014 Exit: “Why was 2014 so wet?” “Between the Ice Buckets and the tears over Dobby… wait, that was earlier. Tears over the ending of How I Met Your Mother.”
52. The New Year’s 2015 Resolution: “My resolution is to stop using the word ‘Bae’… but first, let me take a selfie.”