42 Oscars Jokes: The 2014 “Selfies, Pizza & Adele Dazeem” Edition

In 2014, the 86th Academy Awards proved that even in a room full of icons, a smartphone and a pepperoni pizza can steal the show. It was the year Ellen DeGeneres broke the internet with a single photo, John Travolta invented a new language, and Matthew McConaughey completed his “McConaissance” by telling us all to just keep “L-I-V-I-N.”

The 2014 Red Carpet Top 10: “Selfies & Space Suits”

1. The Ellen Selfie: Why did Twitter crash? Because Ellen DeGeneres squeezed Meryl Streep, Brad Pitt, and Jennifer Lawrence into one frame, proving that the only thing more powerful than an Oscar is a viral tweet.
2. The “Adele Dazeem” Incident: Why did John Travolta call Idina Menzel “Adele Dazeem”? Because in 2014, John Travolta decided that the English language was merely a suggestion.
3. The Pizza Delivery: Why did stars eat pizza in their tuxedos? To prove that even if you have an Oscar, you still can’t say no to a slice of free carbs when the ceremony hits the three-hour mark.
4. Lupita Nyong’o’s Win: Why was her “Cinderella” moment so perfect? Because she proved that no matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid—and your fashion sense can make the entire world stop breathing for a second.
5. The “Gravity” Technical Sweep: Why did it win 7 Oscars? Because Alfonso Cuarón convinced us all that Sandra Bullock was actually floating in space, while we were all just floating in our theater seats.
6. The Jared Leto Jesus Look: Why did he win Best Supporting Actor? Because playing a trans woman in Dallas Buyers Club required him to lose 30 pounds and gain a level of hair perfection that made every woman in the room jealous.
7. The Matthew McConaughey Speech: Why did he thank himself in ten years? To prove that “Alright, alright, alright” isn’t just a catchphrase—it’s a philosophical state of being.
8. The Pharrell “Happy” Hat: Why was his hat so big? Because it needed enough room to store all the joy of 2014 and possibly a small snacks for the after-party.
9. The Cate Blanchett Win: Why did she win for Blue Jasmine? Because playing a wealthy woman having a nervous breakdown is the most “Academy” thing anyone has ever done.
10. The “12 Years a Slave” Victory: Why did it win Best Picture? Because Steve McQueen proved that some stories are too important to be ignored, even by a room full of people who just ate pizza.

The Full 2014 Oscars Jokes Archive

11. The Jennifer Lawrence Fall (Again): Why did she trip over a cone on the red carpet? To prove that winning an Oscar doesn’t improve your peripheral vision.
12. The Best Original Screenplay: Why did Her win? Because Spike Jonze realized that in the future, we’ll all be in love with our operating systems (and we’re halfway there).
13. The Best Adapted Screenplay: Why did 12 Years a Slave win? For turning a harrowing memoir into a cinematic masterpiece that made everyone in the room feel very, very silent.
14. The Best Costume Design: Why did The Great Gatsby win? Because pink suits and flapper dresses are the only reason we keep remaking the 1920s.
15. The Best Makeup Win: Why did Dallas Buyers Club win? Because they had a budget of $250 and still made Jared Leto look more convincing than a $200 million blockbuster.
16. The Best Art Direction: Why did Gatsby sweep the visuals? Because Baz Luhrmann doesn’t believe in “Less is More”—he believes in “More is a Good Start.”
17. The Best Cinematography: Why did Emmanuel Lubezki win? For making space look so beautiful that we almost forgot how terrifying it is to run out of oxygen.
18. The Benedict Cumberbatch Photobomb: Why did he jump behind U2? To prove that even “Sherlock” can’t resist a good prank.
19. The Best Sound Mixing: Why did Gravity win? Because the sound of silence in space is surprisingly loud.
20. The Best Sound Editing: Why did the space movie sweep? Because every “clink” and “whoosh” was a masterpiece of digital engineering.
21. The Best Visual Effects: Why was Gravity a lock? Because they built a “Light Box” that made us all feel like we were orbiting Earth.
22. The Best Original Score: Why did Steven Price win? Because his music was the only thing keeping our heart rates under 200 during the movie.
23. The Best Original Song: Why did “Let It Go” win? To ensure that every parent in the world would never know peace again.
24. The Best Foreign Language Film: Why did The Great Beauty win? Because Italy reminded us that looking at old buildings and thinking about life is the height of sophistication.
25. The Best Film Editing: Why did Gravity win? Because cutting together 90 minutes of Sandra Bullock spinning is a feat of human endurance.
26. The Best Documentary Feature: Why did 20 Feet from Stardom win? To show that the people behind the stars are often the ones with the most soul.
27. The Best Animated Feature: Why did Frozen win? Because the Academy wasn’t “Cold” enough to vote against a snowman who likes warm hugs.
28. The Honorary Award for Angela Lansbury: Why? Because she’s a legend, and it was about time the Academy solved the mystery of why she didn’t have one.
29. The Best Live Action Short: Why did Helium win? Because it’s the only movie that can make you cry about balloons in under 20 minutes.
30. The Best Animated Short: Why did Mr. Hublot win? To prove that even steampunk robots can have a heart (and a pet).
31. The Bill Murray “Harold Ramis” Shout-out: Why did he do it? To remind us that “Ghostbusters” never truly die.
32. The Best Documentary Short: Why did The Lady in Number 6 win? Because a 110-year-old Holocaust survivor is the ultimate inspiration.
33. The Leonardo DiCaprio Snub: Why didn’t he win for The Wolf of Wall Street? Because the Academy decided that doing drugs out of a straw wasn’t as “Best Actor” as Matthew McConaughey’s humming.
34. The Amy Adams Nomination: Why was she there for American Hustle? To prove that 1970s necklines are the most dangerous stunts in Hollywood.
35. The Best Supporting Actress Race: Why did Jennifer Lawrence lose? Because Lupita’s performance was the heart of 2014, and J-Law already had a statue at home.
36. The Pink “Wizard of Oz” Tribute: Why did she sing “Over the Rainbow”? To remind us that 75 years later, we’re still looking for that yellow brick road.
37. The Brad Pitt Pizza Passing: Why was he handing out napkins? Because when you’re Brad Pitt, you can make “Waiter” look like a leading role.
38. The Governor’s Ball: Why was the food so “Selfie-Friendly”? Because after Ellen’s tweet, everyone was more worried about their filters than their forks.
39. The Best Sound Editing: Why was Gravity so technical? Because it made us feel every vibration of a disintegrating space station.
40. The Christian Bale “Hustle” Look: Why did he have a comb-over? To show that a “Dark Knight” is willing to lose his dignity for an Oscar.
41. The Ellen “Liza Minnelli” Joke: Why did she say Liza was a male impersonator? Because at the Oscars, nobody is safe from a host with a microphone and a sharp tongue.
42. The 2014 Final Oscars Vibe: Why was it a “Classic” year? Because it was the night the stars felt like us (eating pizza) and we felt like the stars (on Twitter), making the 2014 Oscars the most viral night in history.