42 Musician & Rock Star Jokes: The 2014 “Uptown Funk, 1989 & The U2 iPhone Invasion” Edition

In 2014, the music industry learned that you don’t even have to buy an album for it to haunt your library. Taylor Swift officially moved to New York and became a pop goddess, Pharrell’s hat was still a thing, and we all learned how to shake it off while doing a weird dance to a song about a “Fancy” life in the fast lane.

The 2014 Soundboard Top 10: “Uptown Funk, 1989 & The Free Album”

1. The U2 “Songs of Innocence” Forced Gift: Why the panic? Because 500 million people woke up to a free U2 album on their iPhones, making Bono the first person in history to break into our pockets just to play some guitar.
2. The Taylor Swift “1989” Transformation: Why the move to pop? Because Taylor ditched the country boots for 80s synths, proving that she could shake off the haters and sell a million copies in a week without even trying.
3. The Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars “Uptown Funk”: Why the pink blazer? Because they created a song so catchy it effectively replaced “Happy” as the song played at every single event until the end of time.
4. The Pharrell Williams “Happy” (Continued): Why the 24-hour video? Because the world was so addicted to this song that we spent most of 2014 clapping along like a room without a roof.
5. The Iggy Azalea “Fancy” Summer: Why the Clueless vibe? Because Iggy and Charli XCX owned the radio for the entire summer, making everyone say “I’m so fancy” while eating cereal in their pajamas.
6. The Meghan Trainor “All About That Bass”: Why the pastel colors? Because she brought 50s doo-wop back to the charts and made sure no one worried about their treble for at least six months.
7. The Sia “Chandelier” Breakthrough: Why the wig? Because Sia decided she didn’t want to be famous, so she hired a 12-year-old dancer to swing from light fixtures while she sang from the corner.
8. The Sam Smith “In the Lonely Hour”: Why the tears? Because “Stay With Me” became the official anthem for anyone who had ever been ghosted or felt sad in a taxi.
9. The Ed Sheeran “x” (Multiply) Era: Why the “Thinking Out Loud”? Because Ed proved that one guy with a loop pedal and a wedding ballad could conquer every stadium on Earth.
10. The Hozier “Take Me to Church”: Why the deep voice? For the indie-rock song that went from a basement in Ireland to being played in every club and church-adjacent venue in the world.

The Full 2014 Musician & Rock Star Archive

11. The Ariana Grande “My Everything”: Why the ponytail? For the moment Ariana officially became the new “mini-Mariah” with enough whistle notes to shatter every glass in the room.
12. The St. Vincent Self-Titled Victory: Why the silver hair? For Annie Clark proving she was the most inventive guitar god of the year and winning the Grammy to prove it.
13. The Nicki Minaj “Anaconda”: Why the Sir Mix-A-Lot sample? For the music video that broke the Vevo record and made the entire internet talk about “back” for three months.
14. The Beck “Morning Phase”: Why the acoustic calm? For the album that won Album of the Year, much to the confusion of Kanye West (and the rest of the world).
15. The Jack White “Lazaretto”: Why the “Ultra LP”? For Jack White proving he could make a vinyl record that played from the inside out and still hit #1.
16. The FKA Twigs “LP1”: Why the weird aesthetic? For the artist who made R&B sound like it was being broadcast from a glitchy spaceship in a neon forest.
17. The Lana Del Rey “Ultraviolence”: Why the Dan Auerbach production? For the album that turned up the guitars and made “Summertime Sadness” feel like a distant, hazy dream.
18. The Foo Fighters “Sonic Highways”: Why the HBO series? For Dave Grohl taking us on a tour of American music history just to record eight songs.
19. The Charli XCX “Sucker”: Why the “Boom Clap”? For the girl who wrote the biggest hits for everyone else finally proving she was a brat-pop icon in her own right.
20. The Aphex Twin “Syro” Return: Why the blimp? For the electronic legend returning after 13 years with an album that sounded like a beautiful computer malfunction.
21. The Clean Bandit “Rather Be”: Why the violin? For the song that proved classical instruments and house beats were the perfect 2014 match.
22. The 5 Seconds of Summer Debut: Why the “She Looks So Perfect”? For the Australian boys proving that pop-punk with boyband looks was still a license to print money.
23. The Maroon 5 “V”: Why “Sugar”? For the music video where they crashed weddings and Adam Levine proved he was the ultimate wedding singer.
24. The Future Islands “Seasons” Moment: Why the Letterman performance? For the dance moves that became the first truly great viral music moment of the “Late Night” era.
25. The War on Drugs “Lost in the Dream”: Why the 80s rock vibes? For the album that made every dad and indie kid agree that long guitar solos are cool again.
26. The Run the Jewels “RTJ2”: Why the “Close Your Eyes”? For Killer Mike and El-P proving that hip-hop could be aggressive, political, and incredibly fun at the same time.
27. The Royal Blood Debut: Why just bass and drums? For the duo that sounded louder than a ten-piece metal band using only four strings.
28. The Alt-J “This Is All Yours”: Why the Miley Cyrus sample? For the indie band going “big” and proving they were more than just a one-album wonder.
29. The J. Cole “2014 Forest Hills Drive”: Why no features? For the album that became a legend because it went double platinum with absolutely zero guest spots.
30. The Kendrick Lamar “i”: Why the positivity? For the funky bridge between the darkness of his debut and the jazz-infusion of what was coming next.
31. The Pink Floyd “The Endless River”: Why the final bow? For the surprise ambient album that served as a tribute to Rick Wright and the end of a legendary era.
32. The Tove Lo “Queen of the Clouds”: Why “Habits (Stay High)”? For the Swedish singer who made being a mess sound like the most relatable pop song of the year.
33. The Jungle Debut: Why the “Busy Earnin'”? For the mysterious collective that made everyone want to learn how to dance in synchronized tracksuits.
34. The AC/DC “Rock or Bust”: Why no Malcolm Young? For the legends proving they could rock on even through the toughest personal tragedies.
35. The Slipknot “.5: The Gray Chapter”: Why the return? For the band honoring Paul Gray’s memory with their most emotional and heavy record in years.
36. The George Ezra “Wanted on Voyage”: Why the deep voice? For the 21-year-old who sounded like a 50-year-old bluesman singing about Budapest.
37. The Kasabian “48:13”: Why the pink cover? For the British band staying weird and ruling the Glastonbury stage with a giant countdown clock.
38. The Death of Joe Cocker: Why the soul? For the loss of the man with the raspy voice who taught us how to get by with a little help from our friends.
39. The Death of Bobby Womack: Why the guitar? For the loss of a soul pioneer who bridge the gap between the gospel roots and the modern R&B sound.
40. The Lorde “Mockingjay” Soundtrack: Why the “Yellow Flicker Beat”? For the 17-year-old proving she was already a tastemaker for the entire Hollywood film industry.
41. The “Everything is Awesome” (Lego Movie): Why the earworm? For the song that proved if you shout a positive message loud enough, it will stay in people’s heads for five years.
42. The 2014 Final Music Vibe: Why did the year feel so intrusive? Because between Bono’s free album appearing in our pockets, Taylor Swift’s pop takeover, and the Ice Bucket Challenge videos, we spent the whole year “Shaking It Off” while realizing our iPhones were now part of the band.