42 Musician & Rock Star Jokes: The 2009 “Bad Romance, Moonwalk Farewell & The Kanye Mic-Snatch” Edition

In 2009, the pop world became a high-art circus. Lady Gaga transformed into a “Monster,” Taylor Swift became a victim of a live award show heist, and the world stood still to say goodbye to the King of Pop. It was the year of the “Black Eyed Peas” summer, the rise of the “Guetta” dance era, and the moment we realized that Ke$ha could brush her teeth with a bottle of Jack and still have a #1 hit.

The 2009 Soundboard Top 10: “The Fame Monster, I Gotta Feeling & The VMA Incident”

1. The Lady Gaga “Bad Romance” Peak: Why the “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah”? Because Gaga released a video with Alexander McQueen shoes and a chorus so powerful it officially made her the most famous person on the planet.
2. The Michael Jackson Farewell: Why did the internet break? Because in June 2009, the world lost the King of Pop, leading to a global moonwalk in unison and a reminder that Thriller is eternal.
3. The Kanye vs. Taylor VMA Scandal: Why “Imma let you finish”? Because Kanye West jumped on stage to defend Beyoncé, creating the most awkward 30 seconds in TV history and starting a celebrity feud that would last a decade.
4. The Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” Marathon: Why the party? Because they held the #1 spot for 26 consecutive weeks, proving that “Mazel Tov” and synth-pop were the only things people wanted to hear in 2009.
5. The Empire State of Mind: Why the New York anthem? Because Jay-Z and Alicia Keys created a song so grand it made everyone in the world feel like they were from Brooklyn for five minutes.
6. The Ke$ha “TiK ToK” Arrival: Why the glitter? Because a girl who sounded like she just woke up in a bathtub became a superstar, proving that “sleaze-pop” was the new high fashion.
7. The David Guetta “One Love” Era: Why the DJ takeover? Because Guetta and Kelly Rowland’s “When Love Takes Over” officially imported European house music into American pop radio.
8. The Miley Cyrus “Party in the U.S.A.”: Why the butterfly stomach? For the song that made every cynical indie kid secretly sing along while pretending to be too cool for the Disney star.
9. The Muse “The Resistance”: Why the space uprising? Because Matt Bellamy decided that 1984 by George Orwell needed a glam-rock soundtrack with more piano solos.
10. The Florence + The Machine “Lungs” Debut: Why the “Dog Days”? For the girl with the red hair and the harp who proved that indie-pop could be loud, soulful, and sound like a Victorian seance.

The Full 2009 Musician & Rock Star Archive

11. The Drake “So Far Gone” Mixtape: Why the “Best I Ever Had”? For the moment a former TV actor from Canada changed the sound of hip-hop by being sensitive and melodic.
12. The Arctic Monkeys “Humbug”: Why the long hair? For the Sheffield boys going to the desert with Josh Homme to get weird, heavy, and psychedelic.
13. The Phoenix “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix”: Why the “Lisztomania”? For the French band that wrote the perfect indie-pop album and made every hipster in 2009 dance.
14. The Kid Cudi “Man on the Moon”: Why the “Day ‘n’ Nite” peak? For the stoner-philosopher who made it okay for rappers to talk about their dreams and loneliness.
15. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs “It’s Blitz!”: Why the synths? For Karen O trading the guitars for a dancefloor and giving us the masterpiece that is “Zero.”
16. The Them Crooked Vultures Debut: Why the supergroup? For the year Dave Grohl, Josh Homme, and John Paul Jones decided to form the loudest band on Earth.
17. The Animal Collective “Merriweather Post Pavilion”: Why the trippy cover? For the indie-electro album that sounded like a neon rainforest and defined the “blog-rock” era.
18. The Grizzly Bear “Veckatimest”: Why the harmonies? For the Brooklyn band that proved folk music could be as complex and beautiful as a classical symphony.
19. The Gossip “Music for Men”: Why “Heavy Cross”? For Beth Ditto becoming a global fashion icon and the queen of the indie-dance floor.
20. The La Roux Debut: Why the “Bulletproof” hair? For the synth-pop duo that brought the 80s back with a sharp, digital edge.
21. The Owl City “Fireflies”: Why the 10 million fireflies? For the song that proved you could sound exactly like Postal Service and still have a #1 hit on the radio.
22. The Pearl Jam “Backspacer”: Why the short songs? For the legends returning with a punk-energy record that proved they were still the kings of Seattle.
23. The Shakira “She Wolf”: Why the howling? For the year Shakira got experimental and released a dance-pop track about being a closet lycanthrope.
24. The Pink “Funhouse” (The Tour): Why the acrobatics? For Pink proving she could sing upside down while spinning on a silk rope, putting every other performer to shame.
25. The Kasabian “West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum”: Why the long title? For the British band going full psychedelic-rock and ruling the UK charts.
26. The Alice in Chains “Black Gives Way to Blue”: Why the return? For the band proving they could honor Layne Staley’s memory while moving forward with a powerful new voice.
27. The Lily Allen “It’s Not Me, It’s You”: Why “The Fear”? For Lily Allen growing up and writing the perfect cynical pop songs about fame and consumerism.
28. The Green Day “21st Century Breakdown”: Why the three acts? For the band following up American Idiot with an even more ambitious, pyrotechnic-filled rock opera.
29. The Mumford & Sons “Sigh No More”: Why the banjos? For the birth of the “stomp and holler” era that would dominate every festival for the next five years.
30. The Slayer “World Painted Blood”: Why the classic line-up? For the thrash legends proving they could still be the fastest and scariest band in the room.
31. The Susan Boyle “Britain’s Got Talent” Moment: Why the “I Dreamed a Dream”? For the woman who reminded the world that you should never judge a book by its cover, selling millions of albums in the process.
32. The 30 Seconds to Mars “This Is War”: Why the 2,000 fans on the track? For Jared Leto turning his band into a global cult-like movement with epic stadium anthems.
33. The Death of Les Paul: Why the guitar legacy? For the loss of the man who literally invented the sound of rock and roll.
34. The Death of DJ AM: Why the mashup king? For the loss of a pioneer who bridge the gap between Hollywood parties and turntable culture.
35. The No Doubt Reunion Tour: Why the nostalgia? For Gwen and the boys getting back together to prove that ska-pop never truly dies.
36. The Paramore “Brand New Eyes”: Why the tension? For the album that proved internal band drama makes for some of the best pop-punk songs ever written.
37. The XX Debut: Why the “X”? For the London band that proved you could be the most exciting thing in music while barely whispering over a minimal beat.
38. The Dirty Projectors “Bitte Orca”: Why the complex vocals? For the year indie rock got “art-school” smart and everyone loved it.
39. The Julian Casablancas “Phrazes for the Young”: Why the 80s synths? For The Strokes frontman going solo to explore his love for neon lights and drum machines.
40. The Justin Bieber “My World” Launch: Why the “One Time”? For the arrival of a 15-year-old from YouTube with a haircut that would change the hair industry forever.
41. The Vevo Launch: Why the watermark? For the year YouTube and record labels got serious about music videos, changing how we “watch” music forever.
42. The 2009 Final Music Vibe: Why did the year feel like a neon-lit funeral? Because we spent the first half moonwalking in memory of Michael Jackson and the second half watching Lady Gaga bleed on stage at the VMAs, all while realizing that Kanye West would never, ever let us finish.