41 Politicians Jokes: The 2007 “iPhone & Subprime Shakes” Edition

In 2007, politics began to fit into pockets, and the economy began to resemble a house of cards built on a swamp. It was the year Barack Obama promised “Hope,” Nicolas Sarkozy promised “Action,” and bankers promised that all those defaulting mortgages were perfectly safe bets.

The 2007 Top 10: “Touchscreens & Turmoil”

1. The Launch of the iPhone: Why were politicians terrified of the first iPhone? Because they realized that from now on, every voter would have a high-definition camera and a direct connection to the internet in their pocket 24/7. The era of “off the record” died on June 29th.
2. Barack Obama Announces: Why did the Senator from Illinois make everyone nervous in February? Because he had a lot of “Hope,” a lot of “Change,” and a middle name that made his consultants stay up all night drinking Scotch.
3. The Subprime Mortgage Crisis: Why did the housing market start to collapse? Because banks realized that lending half a million dollars to a cat with no job wasn’t a “bold investment strategy” after all.
4. Nicolas Sarkozy’s Election: Why was “Sarko” called the “Hyper-President”? Because he moved so fast and talked so much that the French public felt like they had accidentally elected a double espresso as their head of state.
5. Vladimir Putin’s “Munich Speech”: Why was the world worried in February? Because Putin basically told the West “The Cold War was fun, let’s try a sequel,” while everyone else was just trying to figure out how to use Facebook.
6. The Surge in Iraq: Why did George W. Bush send 30,000 more troops? Because “Mission Accomplished” was now four years old and starting to feel like a very cruel April Fool’s joke.
7. Vladimir Putin’s “Time Person of the Year”: Why did Time Magazine choose him? Because “Tsar of the Year” wasn’t an official category, and they wanted to acknowledge his talent for winning elections before they even started.
8. The Resignation of Tony Blair: Why did Tony finally leave 10 Downing Street? Because after 10 years, the British public’s love for him had gone from “New Labour, New Britain” to “New Prime Minister, Please.”
9. Gordon Brown Takes Over: Why was Gordon Brown the unluckiest man in the UK? Because he spent 10 years waiting for the keys to the house, and Tony Blair only handed them over once the roof started leaking and the bank started calling.
10. The Google Street View Launch: Why were politicians closing their curtains? Because for the first time, anyone could “visit” their mansions from their desktop, proving that “transparency” is only fun until someone sees your un mowed lawn.

The Full 2007 Politicians Jokes Archive

11. Nancy Pelosi’s First 100 Hours: Why was the new Speaker in such a rush? To prove that a woman in charge could get more done in four days than the previous Congress did in four years—mostly by staying away from the “Reply All” button.
12. The “Surge” Debate: Why did General Petraeus spend so much time in front of Congress? To explain that the “Surge” was working, while the Senators spent their time trying to figure out how to spell “Petraeus.”
13. The Death of Boris Yeltsin: Why was his funeral so somber? To mark the end of an era where Russian leaders were known for dancing, drinking, and accidentally being democratic.
14. Kevin Rudd’s “Ruddmageddon”: Why did Australia elect a Mandarin-speaking nerd? Because after 11 years of John Howard, they wanted a leader who looked like he could fix their computer and their climate policy at the same time.
15. The Post-Colbert Effect: Why were politicians afraid of the “Colbert Bump”? Because being interviewed by Stephen Colbert was the only way to get young people to know you existed, but also the fastest way to look like a complete idiot.
16. The London 2012 Logo Reveal: Why did the world hate the new logo? Because it looked like a neon graffiti accident, proving that in 2007, the UK was trying way too hard to be “cool.”
17. The Shinzo Abe Resignation: Why did the Japanese PM quit after one year? Because his “beautiful country” plan didn’t include “losing every election and having a stomach ache.”
18. The G8 Summit in Heiligendamm: Why were they trapped behind a giant fence? To keep the protesters out and the world leaders in, ensuring that the only “global warming” happening was the heated argument over the dinner menu.
19. The Launch of Android: Why did Google enter the phone war? Because they wanted to make sure that if Apple was going to track you, they could at least provide a cheaper way to be followed.
20. The Harry Potter Finale: Why did politicians relate to Voldemort? Because they also spent a lot of time trying to find “horcruxes” (donors) to ensure they could live forever in office.
21. The Northern Ireland Power-Sharing: Why was the “Chuckle Brothers” (Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness) a miracle? Because seeing two lifelong enemies laughing together made the rest of the world wonder if they had accidentally slipped something into the Belfast water supply.
22. The 2007 Cricket World Cup: Why was it a political disaster? Because it lasted so long (58 days) that by the time it finished, three countries had changed their governments and the iPhone was already “old news.”
23. The Benazir Bhutto Return: Why was October so tragic in Pakistan? Because she returned to save democracy, only to realize that democracy in Pakistan had a lot of people trying to stop it with bombs.
24. The “Don’t Tase Me, Bro!” Incident: Why was this the catchphrase of the year? Because it proved that in 2007, a student asking John Kerry a long question was considered a national security threat.
25. The Lisbon Treaty: Why did the EU create a new treaty? Because the old “Constitution” was rejected, so they just changed the title, added 200 more pages, and hoped nobody would notice it was the same thing.
26. The Mitt Romney “Dog on the Roof” Story: Why did this hurt him? Because Americans realized they could forgive a politician for almost anything, except being mean to a setter named Seamus.
27. The Larry Craig “Wide Stance” Scandal: Why was the airport bathroom so famous? Because it was the first time “I have a wide stance” was used as a legal defense for something that definitely wasn’t about leg room.
28. The 10th Anniversary of Hong Kong Handover: Why was Hu Jintao in town? To remind everyone that “One Country, Two Systems” mostly meant “One Country, and we’re working on the ‘Two Systems’ part.”
29. The Netflix Streaming Launch: Why did this change politics? Because now voters could “Binge Watch” something else while the debates were on, making “live TV” a thing of the past.
30. The Alberto Gonzales Resignation: Why did the Attorney General finally quit? Because “I don’t recall” is a great answer for a spy, but a terrible one for the guy in charge of the Department of Justice.
31. The Kindle Launch: Why did Jeff Bezos want to kill paper? Because he realized that politicians’ memoirs are much lighter when they don’t have to be physically carried to the trash.
32. The “Lead in Toys” Crisis: Why were we throwing away Elmo? Because China realized that the best way to win the trade war was to make sure American kids were chewing on lead-painted trains.
33. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) Nobel Prize: Why did Al Gore share the prize? To prove that “An Inconvenient Truth” was more than just a PowerPoint presentation—it was a very expensive way to say “I told you so.”
34. The Cristina Fernández de Kirchner Election: Why was Argentina keeping it in the family? Because Néstor Kirchner decided that the best person to succeed him was his wife, turning the presidency into a very high-stakes anniversary gift.
35. The Discovery of Gliese 581 c: Why were we looking for “Earth-like” planets? Because by late 2007, the housing crisis made moving to a planet 20 light-years away seem like a viable real estate option.
36. The 20th Anniversary of “Tear Down This Wall”: Why was Reagan’s speech still a hit? Because in 2007, we were busy building new walls everywhere, from the Mexican border to the “Green Zone” in Baghdad.
37. The Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games: Why was this a sign of the times? Because if an Italian plumber and a blue hedgehog could work together, there was no excuse for the UN.
38. The “Great Recession” Begins: Why did it start in December? Because Santa Claus checked the global balance sheets and realized everyone was getting coal—mostly because they couldn’t afford the heating bill.
39. The Florida Primary Move: Why did Florida move its election to January? To prove that “The Sunshine State” doesn’t follow rules, it only follows its own desire to be the center of attention.
40. The Britney Spears “Meltdown”: Why did politicians love this? Because as long as Britney was shaving her head, nobody was looking at the crumbling banking system.
41. The Final 2007 Political Vibe: Why was it the “Year of the Slip”? Because we slipped into a recession, slipped into a new digital reality, and politicians realize that the “Old World” was officially gone—one touch-screen swipe at a time.