40 Hollywood & Acting Jokes: The 2007 “Anton Chigurh, Milkshakes & Giant Robots” Edition

In 2007, Hollywood decided that if you’re going to be a villain, you need a weird haircut or a very specific beverage preference. It was the year we learned that a coin toss is a terrible way to make decisions, that robots from outer space really love product placement, and that Daniel Day-Lewis is willing to drink your entire milkshake just to prove a point. If you weren’t busy being confused by a smoke monster or a spinning top (wait, that’s later), you were probably watching a rat cook dinner in Paris.

The 2007 Industry Top 10: “Bowls, Milkshakes & Metal”

1. The No Country for Old Men Hair: Why was Javier Bardem so scary? Because he proved that a man with a pageboy haircut and a cattle gun is 100% more terrifying than any monster, especially if he asks you to “call it.”
2. The There Will Be Blood Milkshake: Why did Daniel Day-Lewis scream about dairy? For a performance so intense it made everyone in 2007 terrified to leave their drinks unattended near a legendary method actor.
3. The Transformers Bay-hem: Why was it so shiny? Because Michael Bay realized that if you have giant robots that turn into GM cars, you don’t need a script—you just need 4,000 explosions per minute and Megan Fox leaning over a hood.
4. The Ratatouille Logic: Why was a rat the best chef in France? Because Pixar proved that audiences would stop caring about hygiene as long as the rodent was charming and the soup looked delicious.
5. The Spider-Man 3 Emo-Dance: Why did Peter Parker get a fringe? For a scene so cringeworthy that it single-handedly ended the Sam Raimi era and taught Hollywood that “evil” doesn’t mean “jazz dancing in the street.”
6. The Superbad McLovin: Why was a fake ID so famous? Because Fogell proved that if you pick the name “McLovin,” you will either get arrested or become the greatest legend in the history of high school parties.
7. The Knocked Up Realism: Why was Seth Rogen a leading man? Because Judd Apatow convinced the world that a guy who lives in a cloud of smoke can land a career-woman, as long as he’s funny and slightly pathetic.
8. The Juno Dialogue: Why did everyone sound like a dictionary of slang? Because Diablo Cody proved that a pregnant teenager is much more interesting if she talks like she’s 16 going on 45.
9. The Bourne Ultimatum Shaky Cam: Why were theaters handing out aspirin? Because the camera was shaking so hard that the audience felt like they were the ones being punched in the face by Matt Damon.
10. The Pirates: At World’s End Confusion: Why were there ten Jack Sparrows? Because the franchise became so complicated that even the writers needed a compass to find the actual plot.

The Full 2007 Acting & Industry Archive

11. The I Am Legend Mannequins: Why Will Smith? For proving that he can have a better on-screen conversation with a plastic dummy and a dog than most actors can with a full cast.
12. The 300 Abs (US Release): Why the slow-motion? For making every gym in America overcrowded for three months by men who thought they could achieve “Spartan” status by shouting at their protein shakes.
13. The Simpsons Movie Spider-Pig: Why the big screen? For proving that after 20 years, the only thing the world really needed was Homer Simpson singing about a pig on the ceiling.
14. The Zodiac Frustration: Why no ending? For a David Fincher movie so detailed and obsessive that the audience felt like they had personally spent 30 years looking for a guy in a black hood.
15. The Enchanted Satire: Why Amy Adams? For proving that a Disney princess in the real New York is the funniest thing that can happen to a pigeon.
16. The American Gangster Fur: Why Denzel Washington? For proving that if you wear a chinchilla coat to a boxing match, you’re basically asking for a life sentence.
17. The Hairspray Drag: Why John Travolta? For a comeback so unexpected that we’re still trying to figure out how he fit into that dress and that much hairspray.
18. The Atonement Green Dress: Why Keira Knightley? For a movie that proved a single piece of silk and a library can cause a lifetime of emotional trauma.
19. The Into the Wild Bus: Why Emile Hirsch? For a movie that made every office worker in 2007 want to burn their money and move to Alaska, until the ending happened.
20. The Hot Fuzz “Greater Good”: Why the swans? For a sequel that proved Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are the only people who can make a village fete look like a Michael Bay movie.
21. The Ghost Rider Wig: Why Nicolas Cage? For proving that if your head is a flaming skull, people will finally stop asking questions about your hairpiece.
22. The 28 Weeks Later Intro: Why the running? For an opening scene so stressful it made everyone realize that the only thing worse than a zombie is a zombie that can run a 4-minute mile.
23. The Sweeney Todd Shave: Why Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter? For a musical that proved that Tim Burton isn’t happy unless everyone is pale, singing, and covered in fake blood.
24. The Grindhouse Double Feature: Why the fake trailers? For a 3-hour experiment that proved people love the idea of 70s trash cinema more than actually sitting through 3 hours of it.
25. The Walk Hard Parody: Why John C. Reilly? For a movie so good at making fun of musical biopics that it almost made Walk the Line and Ray impossible to watch seriously.
26. The Bridge to Terabithia Betrayal: Why the tears? For a movie that looked like a fun fantasy adventure but was actually a secret mission to destroy the emotional well-being of every child in 2007.
27. The Bee Movie Script: Why Jerry Seinfeld? For a movie that asked: “What if a bee sued the human race and then fell in love with Renée Zellweger?” and surprisingly, the answer was “Yes.”
28. The 3:10 to Yuma Stare: Why Bale and Crowe? For proving that a Western is just two hours of very intense men looking at each other while waiting for a train.
29. The Eastern Promises Steam Room: Why Viggo Mortensen? For a fight scene so “uncovered” that it became the most paused moment in DVD history for very different reasons.
30. The National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets: Why the President? For a sequel that suggested the President of the United States would just let Nicolas Cage kidnap him for a tour of a cave.
31. The Saw IV Timing: Why the twist? For the year the timeline became so confusing that you needed a PhD in Jigsaw-ology to know when the movie was taking place.
32. The Paranormal Activity Hype: Why the bedroom camera? For a movie that cost $15,000 and made every person in 2007 sleep with the lights on because of a slamming door.
33. The Gone Baby Gone Directing: Why Ben Affleck? For proving that the best thing for his career was to step behind the camera and let his brother Casey do all the crying.
34. The Rush Hour 3 Jet-Lag: Why so late? For a sequel that proved Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker still had the moves, but the audience had moved on to giant robots.
35. The 1408 Room: Why John Cusack? For proving that a haunted hotel room is much scarier when it starts playing “We’ve Only Just Begun” on the radio.
36. The Stardust Magic: Why Robert De Niro? For a cameo as a cross-dressing sky pirate that was the most joyful thing to happen in a fantasy movie all year.
37. The Cloverfield Teaser: Why the headless Statue of Liberty? For a marketing campaign so good that the actual movie—filmed by a guy with a shaky hand—could never live up to it.
38. The Beowulf CGI: Why the gold? For a movie that tried to make Ray Winstone look like a Norse god, but mostly just made everyone feel uncomfortable about digital skin.
39. The Ocean’s Thirteen Revenge: Why the “Gilroy”? For a sequel that proved the only reason to rob a casino is if Al Pacino is being mean to your friend Elliott Gould.
40. The 2007 Final Industry Vibe: Why the “Masterpiece” year? Because it was the last year before the Marvel Cinematic Universe changed everything, the year indie dramas ruled the Oscars, and the year we realized that 2D animation was officially dead (except for that one rat).