40 Grammy Jokes: The 2004 “Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture” Edition

In 2004, the 46th Grammy Awards were a victory lap for the South. OutKast made history by proving a double album about funk, rap, and acoustic guitars could be the biggest thing on Earth, while Beyoncé began her long-term lease on the Grammy stage.

The 2004 Red Carpet Top 10: “Trucker Hats, Gold Teeth & Satin”

1. OutKast’s Green Revolution: Why did Speakerboxxx/The Love Below win Album of the Year? Because André 3000 wore a lime-green outfit so bright it convinced the Academy that the future of music was “funky forest elf.”
2. Beyoncé’s Solo Sparkle: Why did she win 5 awards? Because “Crazy in Love” was so catchy it made the entire world forget that Beyoncé ever had bandmates.
3. The 50 Cent Snub: Why did he lose Best New Artist? Because the Grammys were so scared of “In Da Club” that they hid behind a gothic rock band from Arkansas instead.
4. Evanescence’s Shadow: Why did they win Best New Artist? Because in 2004, the Academy decided that “Bring Me to Life” was the official anthem for every teenager who felt misunderstood in a suburban mall.
5. Justin’s Apology: Why was Justin Timberlake so polite? Because the “Wardrobe Malfunction” at the Super Bowl happened a week earlier, and he had to be on his best behavior to make sure the Academy didn’t take his mic away.
6. The White Stripes’ Red Thread: Why did they win Best Alternative Album? Because Jack White convinced us that you only need two people, three colors, and one massive riff to conquer the world.
7. Pharrell’s Trucker Hat: Why was he everywhere? Because in 2004, if Pharrell didn’t produce your song, your song didn’t actually exist.
8. The “Hey Ya!” Mania: Why did everyone love OutKast? Because they gave us a song that told us “don’t want to meet your daddy,” and we were all too busy dancing to realize how sad the lyrics were.
9. Christina’s “Beautiful” Moment: Why did she win Best Female Pop Vocal? To prove that while she could “Get Dirrty,” she could also make the entire room cry with just a piano and a power ballad.
10. Prince’s Opening: Why was it the highlight? Because Prince and Beyoncé performing together was so much talent in one spot that the Staples Center almost levitated.

The Full 2004 Grammy Jokes Archive

11. Best Rock Album: Why did Elephant win? Because “Seven Nation Army” became the only song in history to be played at every single sports event until the end of time.
12. Record of the Year: Why “Clocks” by Coldplay? Because the Grammys love a piano riff that sounds like it was composed by a very intelligent British clock.
13. Song of the Year: Why “Dance with My Father”? Because Luther Vandross wrote a song so emotional that even the security guards were sobbing in the wings.
14. Best Hard Rock Performance: Why “Bring Me to Life”? Because nothing says 2004 like a rap-rock bridge in the middle of a gothic opera.
15. Best Metal Performance: Why did Metallica win for “St. Anger”? To prove that even a snare drum that sounds like a literal trash can lid can’t stop the Metallica Grammy machine.
16. Best Rap Solo Performance (Female): Why Missy Elliott for “Work It”? Because we’re still trying to figure out what “Ti esrever dna ti pilf” means without playing it backward.
17. Best Rap Solo Performance (Male): Why Eminem for “Lose Yourself”? Because his palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy… and he still had room to carry another trophy.
18. Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: Why “Shake Ya Tailfeather”? Because Nelly and P. Diddy reminded us that 2004 was the year of the “soundtrack anthem.”
19. Best Rap Album: Why OutKast? Because Speakerboxxx/The Love Below was like a 2-for-1 deal at a grocery store, and the Grammys love a bargain.
20. Best R&B Album: Why Dangerously in Love? Because Beyoncé wasn’t just in love; she was in a committed relationship with the top of the charts.
21. Best Female R&B Vocal: Why “Dangerously in Love 2”? Because one version of that song simply wasn’t enough to contain all those vocal runs.
22. Best Male R&B Vocal: Why Luther Vandross? Because his voice was smoother than a velvet suit on a heated floor.
23. Best Contemporary R&B Album: Why Beyoncé? (See: Joke #20. She was essentially competing with herself).
24. Best Pop Vocal Album: Why Justified? Because Justin Timberlake proved that leaving a boy band is easy if you have Pharrell and Timbaland on speed dial.
25. Best Male Pop Vocal: Why “Cry Me a River”? Because it was the most melodic way to tell your ex-girlfriend that you knew what she did.
26. Best Female Pop Vocal: Why “Beautiful”? Because Christina Aguilera reminded us that she’s the “Voice of a Generation” for a reason.
27. Best Pop Collaboration: Why “Whenever I Say Your Name”? Because Sting and Mary J. Blige are the duo we didn’t know we needed until the Grammys told us we did.
28. Best Alternative Music Album: Why Elephant? Because the White Stripes proved that “Alternative” just means “Better than the rest.”
29. Best Dance Recording: Why “Come into My World” by Kylie Minogue? Because her music video had four Kylies, and the Academy couldn’t resist that much gold spandex.
30. Best Country Album: Why Livin’, Lovin’, Losin’? Because the Grammys love a tribute album almost as much as they love a country song about heartbreak.
31. Best Female Country Vocal: Why June Carter Cash for “Keep on the Sunny Side”? Because the Cash family name is the ultimate Grammy “cheat code.”
32. Best Male Country Vocal: Why “Next Big Thing” by Vince Gill? Because even when he’s singing about the “next big thing,” Vince Gill is the thing.
33. Best Reggae Album: Why Dutty Rock by Sean Paul? Because in 2004, if you didn’t know how to do the “Sean Paul dance,” you weren’t allowed in the club.
34. Best Comedy Album: Why “Poodle Hat” by Weird Al? Because parodies are the only way to survive a year as weird as 2004.
35. Best Spoken Word Album: Why Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them? Because Al Franken proved that politics is just show business for people who can’t sing.
36. Best Musical Show Album: Why Gypsy? Because Bernadette Peters is a Broadway god, and the Grammys are just her humble servants.
37. Best Score Soundtrack: Why The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers? Because Howard Shore is basically the John Williams of Middle-earth.
38. Best Compilation Soundtrack: Why Chicago? Because “All That Jazz” was still stuck in everyone’s head a year after the movie came out.
39. Best Short Form Music Video: Why “Hurt” by Johnny Cash? Because it is the only music video in history that is legally required to make you cry every time you watch it.
40. The 2004 Final Grammy Vibe: Why was it a legend? Because it was the night hip-hop finally took home the “Album of the Year” crown, Beyoncé started her empire, and André 3000 taught us that being “Ice Cold” is the coolest way to be.