37 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2008 “Love Guru, Hottie & The Nottie” Edition

In 2008, the 29th Razzie Awards feasted on the collapse of a comedy titan and the ultimate proof that reality stardom does not translate to the big screen. It was the year Mike Myers forgot how to be funny, Paris Hilton tried to be “ugly,” and Indiana Jones encountered an alien threat worse than the Soviets: a bad script.

The 2008 Razzie Red Carpet Top 10: “Gurus, Goop & Ghouls”

1. The Love Guru’s Fall: Why did The Love Guru win 3 Razzies? Because Mike Myers spent $60 million to prove that a fake beard and 90 minutes of “marital” puns are the cinematic equivalent of a lead balloon.
2. Paris Hilton’s Hat Trick: Why did Paris win 3 Razzies in one night? Because she managed to be the worst actress, the worst supporting actress, and part of the worst screen couple—proving that her “brand” is a full-time job for Razzie voters.
3. The Hottie & The Nottie’s Logic: Why was it a target? Because a movie whose entire premise is “Paris Hilton has an ugly friend” is a concept that should have died in a middle school cafeteria, not made it to a cinema.
4. In the Name of the King: Why was Uwe Boll a target (again)? Because he took a video game about a dungeon siege and turned it into a movie where Jason Statham looks like he’s trying to punch his way out of a contract.
5. The Indiana Jones Fridge: Why did Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull win Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel? Because surviving a nuclear blast inside a lead-lined refrigerator is the moment Indy officially “jumped the shark” (or the fridge).
6. M. Night Shyamalan’s Trees: Why was The Happening nominated? Because a thriller where the ultimate villain is “the wind” and “plants” is as scary as a salad bar on a breezy day.
7. Disaster Movie’s Honesty: Why was it hit? For being a movie that accurately described itself in the title while managing to be less funny than an actual natural disaster.
8. The Spirit’s Silly String: Why was it a target? Because Frank Miller tried to turn a noir comic into a neon fever dream where Samuel L. Jackson dresses like a Nazi for reasons no one can explain.
9. Meet the Spartans: Why was it nominated? For proving that “parody” in the 2000s just meant “mentioning a viral video from three months ago while someone gets kicked into a pit.”
10. The Speed Racer Seizure: Why was it hit? Because the visuals were so loud and colorful they were officially classified as a visual migraine by anyone over the age of twelve.

The Full 2008 Razzie Jokes Archive

11. Worst Picture: Why The Love Guru? Because it’s the only movie that makes you miss the subtle, sophisticated humor of Austin Powers in Goldmember.
12. Worst Actor: Why Mike Myers? For proving that he can do a funny voice for 90 minutes and still not say a single funny thing.
13. Worst Actress: Why Paris Hilton? For proving that she doesn’t just “play” herself—she’s actually incapable of playing anyone else.
14. Worst Supporting Actor: Why Pierce Brosnan for Mamma Mia!? For a singing voice that sounded like a water buffalo trying to operate a chainsaw.
15. Worst Supporting Actress: Why Paris Hilton for Repo! The Genetic Opera? Because the Razzies felt that even in a futuristic horror musical, she was the scariest thing on screen.
16. Worst Director: Why Uwe Boll? Because he finally won a “Lifetime Achievement Award” from the Razzies, which is the equivalent of being told to please stop making movies forever.
17. Worst Screenplay: Why The Love Guru? For jokes that were so old they were actually being used by the gurus the movie was mocking.
18. Worst Screen Couple: Why Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore? Because the chemistry was so negative it actually drained the color from the screen.
19. Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel: Why Indiana Jones 4? For proving that some treasures are better left buried, especially if they involve Shia LaBeouf swinging on vines with monkeys.
20. The “Happening” Acting: Why Mark Wahlberg? For spending the whole movie talking to a plastic plant with a look of genuine terror.
21. The “W” Bio-pic: Why Josh Brolin? For proving that playing a sitting president is a “no-win” situation at the Razzie awards.
22. The “Max Payne” Snub: Why Mark Wahlberg (again)? For proving that video game movies are where acting careers go to take a very long, very dark nap.
23. The “Day the Earth Stood Still” Vibe: Why Keanu Reeves? For playing an alien who is slightly more emotive than his usual human characters.
24. The “Over Her Dead Body” Burn: Why Eva Longoria? For a romantic comedy that was so “dead on arrival” it should have come with an autopsy report.
25. The “High School Musical 3” Vibe: Why was it a target? For bringing jazz hands to a place they never belonged: the big screen.
26. Worst Actor Runner-up: Why Eddie Murphy for Meet Dave? For proving that his 2007 loss didn’t stop him from trying to play “weird small aliens inside a human body.”
27. Worst Actress Runner-up: Why Jessica Alba for The Eye and The Love Guru? For a year that proved she is a great actress, as long as she doesn’t have to speak or move.
28. Worst Supporting Actor Runner-up: Why Burt Reynolds for In the Name of the King? Because the Razzies have a standing reservation for Burt whenever he wears a cape.
29. Worst Supporting Actress Runner-up: Why Carmen Electra for Disaster Movie? For being the queen of movies that the Razzies hate more than anything.
30. The “88 Minutes” Joke: Why Al Pacino? For a thriller that took 88 minutes to watch and about 88 seconds to forget.
31. The “Babysitter” Vibe: Why The Women? For being a remake of a classic that managed to make an all-female cast feel like a step backward for feminism.
32. The “Postal” Logic: Why Uwe Boll? For making a movie based on a controversial game that was somehow less offensive than the actual cinematography.
33. The “Saw V” Mention: Why? For proving that by the fifth installment, the only person being tortured is the audience.
34. The “Fool’s Gold” Burn: Why Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson? For a “romantic adventure” that was 0% romantic and 100% boring.
35. The “Prom Night” Remake: Why was it hit? For being a slasher movie where the most dangerous thing was the boredom.
36. The Budget Burn: Why Speed Racer? Because $120 million is a lot of money to spend on a movie that looks like a neon sign exploded in your face.
37. The 2008 Final Razzie Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because it was the year Mike Myers learned that even a “Love Guru” can’t make the Razzies love a bad movie.