37 Politicians Jokes: The 2006 “Twitter & Tall Tales” Edition

In 2006, the world shrank to 140 characters. It was the year of the “Surge,” the year we realized our favorite social networks were becoming more important than our local representatives, and the year the world’s most notorious dictator finally met his end on a grainy cell phone video.

The 2006 Top 10: “Execution & Evolution”

1. The Execution of Saddam Hussein: Why was the end of 2003’s “Most Wanted” so chaotic? Because even in his final moments, the video was leaked to the internet via a Nokia phone, proving that in 2006, the world was watching everything through a 2-megapixel lens.
2. The Launch of Twitter: Why were politicians confused by the “Blue Bird”? Because they spent decades learning how to give 20-minute speeches, only to find out the public now only had the patience for 140 characters and a hashtag.
3. Zinedine Zidane’s Headbutt: Why did politicians study the World Cup final? Because they wanted to know how you could spend 110 minutes as a hero and then lose it all because someone insulted your sister—a move usually reserved for the Senate floor.
4. Pluto’s Demotion: Why were world leaders sympathetic to Pluto? Because they also knew what it felt like to wake up one morning and be told by a committee that they were no longer “major players” in the system.
5. The Midterm “Thumpin’”: Why did George W. Bush call the 2006 elections a “thumpin’”? Because the Democrats took back the House and Senate, proving that “stay the course” is a great slogan until the voters decide the course leads directly off a cliff.
6. Nancy Pelosi becomes Speaker: Why was January 2006 historic? Because for the first time, the “Gavel of Power” was held by a woman, and the “Old Boys’ Club” in D.C. suddenly realized they had to start asking for permission to use the remote.
7. The North Korean Nuclear Test: Why was October so tense? Because Kim Jong-il proved that you can have a failing economy and no electricity, but as long as you have one “big boom,” the whole world has to invite you to dinner.
8. The Nintendo Wii Launch: Why did politicians love the Wii? Because it was the first time they could pretend to play sports without actually leaving their office or risking a heart attack on a real tennis court.
9. The Death of Slobodan Milošević: Why was his cell at The Hague so quiet? Because the “Butcher of the Balkans” died before the trial could finish, proving that even international justice has a “statute of limitations” dictated by biology.
10. The Israel-Lebanon War: Why was the “34-Day War” a wake-up call? Because it proved that you can have the most advanced jets in the world, but a guy with a rocket and a basement can still make “victory” look very complicated.

The Full 2006 Politicians Jokes Archive

11. Dick Cheney’s Hunting Accident: Why was Harry Whittington the most famous man in Texas? Because he was the only person in 2006 who could say he took a “shot” from the Vice President and lived to apologize for getting in the way.
12. The Stern Review: Why was this report on climate change different? Because it was written by an economist, finally proving that we should save the planet not because it’s beautiful, but because it’s becoming too expensive to fix.
13. Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner: Why was the room so silent? Because Stephen gave a speech that was so “truthy,” the President forgot to laugh and the journalists forgot how to do their jobs.
14. The Mexican Election (Calderón vs. Obrador): Why did it take months to decide? Because it was the “Florida 2000” of the South, featuring massive protests and two guys both claiming to be the President at the same time.
15. The Google Purchase of YouTube: Why did politicians care about $1.65 billion? Because they realized that the people who controlled the “Cat Videos” now had more money than the people who controlled the “Foreign Policy.”
16. The Resignation of Donald Rumsfeld: Why did the Pentagon feel lighter in November? Because the man who gave us “Known Unknowns” finally became a “Known Departure.”
17. The Enron Sentences: Why were Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling in the news again? Because the “Smartest Guys in the Room” finally received their “Dunce Caps” from a federal judge.
18. The Montenegro Independence: Why did the world get a new country in June? Because Montenegro decided that being in a federation with Serbia was like being in a long-distance relationship where you’re the only one paying the bills.
19. The Death of Steve Irwin: Why did world leaders mourn the Crocodile Hunter? Because he was the only person who could deal with dangerous predators and venomous snakes with more enthusiasm than a diplomat.
20. The Ban Ki-moon Selection: Why did the UN pick him? Because after the high-profile Kofi Annan, they wanted a Secretary-General who could walk through a crowded room without anyone noticing—the ultimate skill in international bureaucracy.
21. The Facebook “Open to Everyone” Launch: Why was September 2006 the end of privacy? Because before then, Facebook was for students; after that, your Grandma could “Poke” you and see your Friday night photos.
22. The Mark Foley Scandal: Why were Republicans sweating in October? Because the “Page Scandal” proved that the “Family Values” platform had a very dark basement.
23. The First “Twitter” Post: “Just setting up my twttr.” Why was this important? Because it was the first time anyone realized you could be boring to the whole world at once.
24. The “Great Firewall” of China: Why were tech companies in trouble? Because Google and Yahoo! agreed to help China censor the internet, proving that “Don’t be evil” has a very specific price tag in Yuan.
25. The Death of Augusto Pinochet: Why was Chile divided? Because half the country wanted a state funeral and the other half wanted a state-sponsored “Good Riddance” party.
26. The Blu-ray vs. HD-DVD War: Why did politicians relate to this? Because they also loved fighting over two formats that would both be obsolete as soon as everyone started streaming.
27. The Borat Movie: Why was the Kazakh government upset? Because Sacha Baron Cohen did more for Kazakhstan’s “brand recognition” in 90 minutes than their tourism board did in 15 years.
28. The “Surge” in Iraq: Why did Bush send 20,000 more troops? Because “Mission Accomplished” was starting to look like a very optimistic book title from a previous decade.
29. The WikiLeaks Launch: Why was 2006 the “Year of the Leaks”? Because Julian Assange decided that if the government wouldn’t tell us the truth, he’d just find the password and tell us himself.
30. The Global Seed Vault: Why did they start building it in Norway? To make sure that if the “Axis of Evil” ever met the “War on Terror,” at least the carrots would survive.
31. The One Laptop Per Child (OLPC) Project: Why was it a hit? Because politicians loved the idea of giving a $100 laptop to a kid who didn’t have clean water—it’s much easier to fix a “digital divide” than a “starvation divide.”
32. The Retirement of Alan Greenspan: Why was “The Maestro” leaving the Fed? Because he figured it was better to quit while the housing bubble was still looking like a very sturdy castle.
33. The Stardust Mission: Why was NASA catching “Comet Dust”? To see if the secrets of the universe were hidden in a pile of space soot—which is still more useful than most things found in a Senate hearing.
34. The “Cash for Peerages” Scandal: Why was Tony Blair being questioned by police? Because in the UK, “Buying a seat in the House of Lords” is only okay if you don’t get caught doing it with a receipt.
35. The G8 in Saint Petersburg: Why was Putin the host? To show the world that Russia was a “Normal Democracy,” while he secretly practiced his “I’m going to stay in power forever” look in the mirror.
36. The Wii Remote “Wrist Strap” Crisis: Why were people breaking their TVs? Because they were so excited to play “Wii Sports” that they forgot gravity exists—much like most governments during an election year.
37. The Final 2006 Political Vibe: Why was it a “Year of Retribution”? Because the voters “thumped” the incumbents, the courts sentenced the CEOs, and the internet started recording every single mistake in real-time.