49 Travel Jokes: The 2003 “Finding Nemo & iTunes” Edition

In 2003, travel felt like the end of an era and the start of a digital revolution. We watched the Concorde take its final flight, effectively ending the dream of NYC to London in 3 hours, while simultaneously downloading our first legal 99-cent songs to drown out the sound of the person snoring in 14B.

The 2003 Top 10: The “Digital Download” Classics

1. The Concorde Retirement: Why was the billionaire crying at Heathrow? Because he realized that starting tomorrow, he’d have to fly with “the regular rich people” and spend 7 hours in the air like a commoner.
2. The Finding Nemo Effect: Why were kids so disappointed at the Great Barrier Reef? Because they spent $2,000 on a trip only to realize that real clownfish don’t actually tell jokes or speak English.
3. The iTunes Store: Why was the traveler so relaxed? Because he’d just spent $10 to legally download a “Flight Mix” and for the first time in history, he didn’t feel like a pirate while listening to Justin Timberlake.
4. The Nokia 6600: Why did the businessman look like he was holding a soap bar? He had the new “Egg Phone” (Nokia 6600), which was the peak of 2003 design—even if it felt like it would slip out of his hand and lather up.
5. The Skype Launch: Why was the backpacker screaming at a computer screen in a hostel? Because he just discovered Skype and was trying to explain to his mom that he was “calling for free” over a 56k connection.
6. The Pirates of the Caribbean: Why was every tourist in the Bahamas wearing an eye patch? Because Johnny Depp made being a “dirty pirate” the ultimate vacation aesthetic for 2003.
7. The Camera Phone Panic: Why were gyms and pools starting to ban phones? Because the Nokia 7650 meant that anyone could take a 0.3-megapixel photo of you, and it only took 10 minutes to upload to the web.
8. The Lord of the Rings Finale: Why did everyone go to New Zealand in December? Because The Return of the King came out and everyone wanted to see Mount Doom before the “January Sales” started.
9. The SARS Scare: Why was the airport so empty in the spring? Because everyone was terrified of a cough, and for a few months, “social distancing” meant having an entire row to yourself on a Boeing 747.
10. The Beyoncé “Crazy in Love”: Why was the terminal so energetic? Because that brass intro played in every Duty-Free shop, making every passenger feel like they were walking down a runway instead of to Gate C12.

The Full 2003 Travel Jokes Archive

11. The 3G Rollout: Why was the tech geek standing on top of a hill in Italy? He heard 3G was “live” and he wanted to see if he could load a thumbnail of a map in under 5 minutes.
12. The MySpace Launch: Why did the traveler spend 2 hours in a cyber-café? He had to make sure his “Top 8” friends didn’t change while he was on a bus through Peru.
13. The Old School Movie: Why were college students so loud on the flight? Because they just saw the movie and were convinced that “Going Streaking” through the airport was a great idea.
14. The BlackBerry 6210: Why was the executive so happy? Because his phone finally had an integrated speaker, so he could talk without looking like he was wearing a telemarketer’s headset.
15. The Bluetooth Mouse: Why was the traveler frustrated? He bought a wireless mouse for his laptop but it kept “pairing” with the guy’s hearing aid in the next seat.
16. The 512MB USB: Why did the student feel like a data mogul? He had a flash drive that could hold four whole albums, and he guarded it like it was the crown jewels.
17. The Arnold Schwarzenegger: Why was everyone going to California? Because the Terminator became the Governor, and tourists wanted to see if the border was now guarded by killer robots.
18. The 50 Cent “In Da Club”: Why was the hotel bar so rowdy? Because it was “your birthday” for every single person ordering a drink in 2003.
19. The Matrix Reloaded: Why was everyone wearing long black leather coats in July? Because they wanted to be Neo, but they just ended up smelling like a burnt sofa.
20. The Panasonic Toughbook: Why did the traveler look like he was heading to a war zone? He had a laptop that could survive a 4-foot drop, but it weighed as much as the actual plane.
21. The Camera Resolution: Why was the 3-megapixel camera so expensive? Because in 2003, being able to see someone’s individual eyelashes in a photo was considered “military-grade” technology.
22. The Hilton Sisters: Why was every girl at the resort carrying a tiny dog? Because The Simple Life premiered and everyone thought “traveling” meant bringing a Chihuahua in a purse.
23. The CD-RW: Why was the traveler mad? He spent 2 hours formatting a “Re-writable CD” only for the car rental player to say “Error: No Disk Found.”
24. The DVD Player: Why was the businessman the king of the flight? He had a laptop with a built-in DVD player and everyone in his row was leaning over to watch X2: X-Men United.
25. The Linkin Park “Meteora”: Why were the teenagers so moody at the beach? Because they were listening to Numb on repeat while their parents forced them to have “fun in the sun.”
26. The GPS Navigation: Why did the couple get lost? Because the GPS was so slow that by the time it said “Turn Right,” they were already in the next zip code.
27. The SARS Mask: Why was the traveler confused? He saw someone in a mask and didn’t know if they were a doctor, a germaphobe, or just a very dedicated Mortal Kombat fan.
28. The T9 Typing: Why was the girl’s thumb so sore? Because she sent 400 “Happy New Year” texts using T9 and her phone almost caught fire.
29. The Black Eyed Peas: Why was the airport so philosophical? Because everyone was asking “Where is the Love?” while waiting for their delayed luggage.
30. The Laptop Battery: Why was the man sitting near the toilet? Because it was the only place on the plane near a hidden power outlet for his 20-minute laptop battery.
31. The Lost in Translation: Why did everyone go to Tokyo? Because they wanted to sit in a hotel bar, look sad, and wait for Bill Murray to whisper something in their ear.
32. The SD Card: Why was it so small? The traveler was terrified he’d breathe too hard and blow his 64MB of vacation photos into the ocean.
33. The Low-Cost Extra Fees: Why was the man angry? He realized his $10 ticket didn’t include “oxygen” or “the use of the floor.”
34. The OutKast “Hey Ya!”: Why was the tourist “shaking it like a Polaroid picture”? Because the song was playing and he didn’t realize that in 2003, shaking a Polaroid actually ruined the photo.
35. The Wi-Fi Hotspot: Why was the traveler at Starbucks? Because “Hotspots” were the new cathedrals, and people would pay $5 for a coffee just to get 10 minutes of “high-speed” 128kbps internet.
36. The Elf Movie: Why was the traveler smiling? Because he’d just seen Will Ferrell and now he was trying to put maple syrup on his in-flight pasta.
37. The 1.44MB Floppy: Why was it still there? The traveler found a floppy disk in his bag and realized it was the “technological equivalent” of a fossil.
38. The Da Vinci Code: Why was everyone staring at paintings in the Louvre? Because the book just came out and everyone thought they were a secret code-breaker instead of a tourist.
39. The Evanescence: Why was the girl “bringing her to life” at the pool? Because Wake Me Up Inside was the unofficial anthem of every 2003 hotel speaker system.
40. The Digital Watch: Why was it so big? Because Casio added a “Remote Control” function, so the traveler spent his flight changing the channels on the overhead monitors.
41. The Nokia 3300: Why did the phone look like a taco? Because Nokia decided that “music phones” should be held with two hands like a sandwich.
42. The Love Actually: Why was the airport arrival gate so crowded? Because the movie made everyone think that waiting at Heathrow for a hug was a romantic personality trait.
43. The Pentium 4: Why was the laptop fan so loud? Because it was trying to “process” a single JPEG and sounded like it was preparing for takeoff.
44. The SARS Thermal Scanner: Why was the tourist nervous? He had a slight fever from a sunburn and was afraid the airport “heat camera” would put him in a 14-day cage.
45. The iPod Battery: Why did the music stop over the Atlantic? Because the 3rd Gen iPod had a battery life of about 4 hours, or “half a transatlantic flight.”
46. The Blockbuster DVD: Why was the traveler worried? He brought a rented DVD on the trip and realized that returning it “two weeks late” would cost more than his car.
47. The Friends Finale: Why was the coffee shop in the terminal so sad? Because everyone knew the show was ending and they were looking for a “Rachel” at every gate.
48. The 3D TV: Why did the traveler laugh? Someone told him that one day he’d watch movies in 3D at home, and he thought that was the dumbest idea since the “Diet Water.”
49. The Baggage Weight: Why was the suitcase over the limit? Because the traveler packed 15 physical “Travel Guides” because he didn’t trust his 56k internet.