40 Emmy Awards Jokes: The 2014 “Breaking Bad’s Grand Finale, Sherlock’s Surprise & The Seth Meyers Shift” Edition

In 2014, the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards saw the television world bow down to one of the greatest anti-heroes in history. It was the year Breaking Bad demolished the competition on its final night, the British Sherlock unexpectedly hijacked the acting categories, and Seth Meyers tried to make us laugh on a Monday night.

The 2014 Emmy Red Carpet Top 10: “Meth Blues, Red Gowns & Monday Night Fever”

1. The Breaking Bad Victory Lap: Why did they win everything on their way out? Because after the “Ozymandias” episode, the Academy decided it was safer to give them trophies than to risk Walter White returning for a “visit.”
2. The Sherlock Double-Shock: Why did Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman win together? Because in 2014, the internet belonged to them, and the Academy finally got a better Wi-Fi connection.
3. The Bryan Cranston vs. Matthew McConaughey Duel: Why did “Rust Cohle” lose to “Heisenberg”? For proving that being a TV legend is more important than being an Oscar winner with a philosophical streak.
4. The Modern Family Five-peat: Why did they win again? Because by 2014, giving the trophy to the Pritchett-Dunphy clan had become as much of an Emmy tradition as overstaying the time limit on speeches.
5. The Julia Louis-Dreyfus & Bryan Cranston Kiss: Why was everyone whispering? Because their passionate kiss on stage reminded everyone that Liz Lemon and Walter White would be the most terrifying power couple in history.
6. The Seth Meyers Hosting: Why was the gala on a Monday? Because the MTV VMAs were on Sunday, and the Emmys knew that competing with Miley Cyrus twerking was a battle not even Game of Thrones could win.
7. The Julianna Margulies Win: Why did she win again for The Good Wife? For proving that broadcast TV can still deliver drama that doesn’t require dragons or a meth lab.
8. The Fargo vs. True Detective War: Why did Fargo win Best Miniseries? Because Billy Bob Thornton and Martin Freeman showed that frozen Minnesota is just as dangerous as swampy Louisiana.
9. The Weird Al Yankovic Performance: Why did he sing theme song parodies? To remind us that Mad Men and Homeland actually need lyrics so we know what’s going on in them.
10. The Netflix “Still No Best Drama” Joke: Why did House of Cards lose again? Because Frank Underwood apparently didn’t count the votes as effectively as he counted his enemies in D.C.

The Full 2014 Emmy Jokes Archive

11. Worst Dressed (The 2014 “Red-on-Red” Mistake): Why did half the actresses blend into the carpet? Because in 2014, being invisible to photographers was apparently the new “it” look.
12. Outstanding Comedy: Why Modern Family? Because having Ty Burrell in your cast is like having a cheat code for the comedy category.
13. Outstanding Drama: Why Breaking Bad? For proving that blue crystals are the best retirement investment.
14. Outstanding Lead Actor (Comedy): Why Jim Parsons? His fourth win! Sheldon Cooper now has more Emmys than friends.
15. Outstanding Lead Actress (Comedy): Why Julia Louis-Dreyfus? Because Selina Meyer is the character we love to hate, and Julia is the actress we just can’t stop loving.
16. Outstanding Lead Actor (Drama): Why Bryan Cranston? For proving you can say goodbye to a series by snatching the trophy right out from under a Louisiana detective.
17. Outstanding Lead Actress (Drama): Why Julianna Margulies? For being the only lawyer in Chicago who can keep her cool while everything around her is on fire.
18. The Aaron Paul Hat-Trick: Why did Jesse Pinkman win for the third time? For making the word “Bitch!” the official greeting of award season.
19. The Anna Gunn Repeat: Why did she win again? For being the only person who could silence Walter White with a single look.
20. The Allison Janney Double Win: Why did she win for two shows in one night? Because Allison Janney is so good she should get an Emmy just for appearing in cereal commercials.
21. The Ty Burrell Win: Why Phil Dunphy again? For proving that being a “cool dad” is the only extreme sport worthy of a gold statue.
22. The Sherlock Directing Win: Why was Steven Moffat so surprised? Because he thought nobody in America watched shows where characters talk faster than the orchestra cuts off speeches.
23. The Game of Thrones Technical Sweep: Why only technicals again? Because the dragons in Season 4 were too busy eating sheep to prepare an acceptance speech.
24. The Daily Show Streak Continues: Why is Jon Stewart still sitting there? Because 2014 politicians wrote his jokes faster than he could read them off the teleprompter.
25. The Amazing Race Win: Why again? Because watching people argue in a taxi in Morocco is the only thing that unites generations.
26. The Orange Is the New Black Buzz: Why the whispers? Because Netflix proved that prison could be more colorful and fun than your typical suburbs.
27. The Louie Writing Win: Why did Louis C.K. win again? For proving that being a miserable middle-aged comedian is a gold mine.
28. The Sarah Paulson Snub: Why no award for American Horror Story again? Because the Academy clearly thinks suffering on screen is just her natural state of being.
29. The Kathy Griffin Red Carpet Ban: Why was she missing again? Because she was likely busy counting how many plastic surgeries were visible in 4K.
30. The Billy Crystal Tribute to Robin Williams: Why was it so quiet? Because saying goodbye to the Genie reminded everyone that without laughter, none of this matters.
31. The Silicon Valley Debut: Why the jokes? For showing that programmers are the new rockstars, just with worse physical coordination.
32. The Veep Ensemble Win: Why didn’t Tony Hale win this year? Because Vice President Meyer needed him by her side, not on the stage.
33. The Downton Abbey Hype: Why didn’t Maggie Smith show up again? Because she probably considered a Monday in Los Angeles to be the height of vulgarity.
34. The True Detective Visuals: Why the cinematography win? For proving that a 6-minute tracking shot is the only thing that can silence Twitter for a moment.
35. The Colbert Report Finale Buzz: Why the win? For being the only “fake” conservative we’ll miss more than the real ones.
36. The Sofia Vergara Pedestal Joke: Why the controversy? Because putting her on a rotating pedestal was either the peak of irony or the peak of 1990s logic in the middle of 2014.
37. The Jim Parsons Speech: Why was it so short? Because by the fourth trophy, you really run out of people you haven’t already thanked.
38. The Breaking Bad “Say My Name”: Why the whispers? Because during this gala, everyone knew that name was: WINNER.
39. The Normal Heart Win: Why did the HBO film win? For reminding us that TV still has a mission, and Mark Ruffalo has infinite supplies of tears.
40. The 2014 Final Emmy Vibe: Why the end of an era? Because with Walter White’s departure, TV lost its most dangerous boss and gained a new army from streaming.