34 Miscellaneous Jokes: The 2019 “I Love You 3000 & Cybertruck” Edition

In 2019, it felt like every major era was wrapping up while something much weirder was beginning. It was the year we learned that a black hole looks like a blurry orange donut, that a 15-year-old could mobilize the entire planet for the climate, and that Elon Musk’s idea of a futuristic truck was something a toddler would draw with a ruler. We spent the year trying to avoid Endgame spoilers, watching the most controversial final season in TV history, and realizing that we were all ready to die for a small, green creature with big ears.

The 2019 Top 10: The “Endgame & Grogu” Classics

1. Avengers: Endgame: Why were we all “crying 3000”? Because Marvel finished a 22-movie marathon by making us say goodbye to our favorite billionaire, proving that a giant purple guy can be beaten if you just have enough time travel and a lot of emotional baggage.
2. The Rise of Baby Yoda (Grogu): Why did the internet melt? Because Disney+ launched The Mandalorian, and we all decided that a 50-year-old infant drinking soup was the only thing worth living for in the Star Wars universe.
3. The Tesla Cybertruck Reveal: Why did the window break? Because Elon Musk wanted to show off “armored glass,” but 2019 had other plans, resulting in a live-streamed fail that made a low-polygon truck look even more like a glitch in the simulation.
4. The First Photo of a Black Hole: Why was it so blurry? Because it was 55 million light-years away, and even with a telescope the size of Earth, the universe’s most mysterious object still looks like a cosmic Cheeto seen through a foggy lens.
5. Game of Thrones Finale: Why was there a Starbucks cup in Winterfell? Because 2013 was the start of a masterpiece, but 2019 was the year we learned that even the most epic story can be finished in a rush with a dragon, a coffee, and a very confused fan base.
6. The Area 51 Raid: Why were people “Naruto running”? Because two million people signed up to “see them aliens,” proving that 2019 was the peak of internet irony—where we all joked about storming a military base but mostly just stood around in the desert.
7. The Launch of Disney+: Why were we all “plus-ing”? Because Disney decided it owned enough of our childhood to charge us $6.99 a month to watch The Lion King and The Simpsons for the 400th time.
8. The “Old Town Road” Streak: Why was a country-rap song #1 for 19 weeks? Because Lil Nas X took his horse to the hotel room and refused to leave, proving that TikTok and Billy Ray Cyrus are a more powerful combination than anyone expected.
9. Joker Premiere: Why was everyone dancing on stairs? Because Joaquin Phoenix showed us that “society” is a very gray place, and we all spent the fall trying to decide if we should be impressed or very, very worried.
10. The Launch of Ring Fit Adventure: Why was Pilates a game? Because Nintendo realized we were getting out of shape, so they gave us a plastic ring and told us to run through a forest to beat a body-building dragon.

The Full 2019 Miscellaneous Jokes Archive

11. The Witcher (Netflix): Why was Geralt so grumbly? Because Henry Cavill proved that a silver wig, a bathtub, and a song about a coin were the perfect ingredients for a fantasy hit.
12. The “Woman Yelling at a Cat” Meme: Why was she so mad at Smudge? Because 2019 gave us the ultimate template for every argument between a confused person and a very calm animal.
13. Parasite (US Premiere): Why were we looking at basements? Because Bong Joon-ho made a masterpiece that proved “subtitles are just a one-inch-tall barrier” and that peaches are actually a weapon.
14. The Launch of the iPhone 11 Pro: Why did it have three eyes? Because Apple decided that our phones should look like a high-tech stovetop so we could take wide-angle photos of our lunch.
15. The “World Record Egg”: Why was a brown egg the most liked photo? Because 2019 was the year we collectively decided that a plain egg was better than Kylie Jenner, and honestly, we weren’t wrong.
16. Death Stranding: Why was Norman Reedus a mailman? Because Hideo Kojima created a “walking simulator” where we delivered packages through a beautiful apocalypse while carrying a baby in a jar.
17. The Launch of AirPods Pro: Why did they look like Bellsprout? Because Apple added noise cancellation and “transparency mode,” officially making sure we never had to hear the outside world again.
18. Knives Out: Why was the sweater so cozy? Because Chris Evans and a star-studded cast showed us that a “Whodunnit” is much better when everyone is terrible and the detective has a thick Southern accent.
19. The Launch of Stadia: Why was the cloud lagging? Because Google promised us the future of gaming without hardware, but 2019 wasn’t quite ready for the amount of “Buffering” required to jump.
20. Chernobyl (HBO): Why was it only 3.6 roentgen? Because it was “not great, not terrible,” and it became the highest-rated show on IMDb while making us all experts on nuclear physics for two weeks.
21. The “I’m Gonna Tell My Kids” Meme: Why were we lying to the future? Because 2019 was about replacing historical figures with celebrities, like telling our kids that Danny DeVito was the original Spider-Man.
22. The Launch of the Galaxy Fold: Why was the screen peeling? Because Samsung tried to make “folding” happen, and we all learned that “don’t remove the protective layer” is the most important instruction in tech history.
23. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood: Why were they just driving? Because Quentin Tarantino gave us a love letter to 1969 where Brad Pitt was cool, Leo was stressed, and the ending was… a real blast.
24. The Launch of Apex Legends: Why was it a surprise? Because EA dropped a Battle Royale with zero marketing and it actually worked, giving us “pings” so we didn’t have to talk to strangers.
25. The “Sonic the Hedgehog” Trailer (Original): Why were the teeth so human? Because the internet bullied a movie studio into redesigning a blue hedgehog because he looked like a nightmare creature from a dark forest.
26. The Launch of TikTok “POV”: Why was everyone acting? Because 2019 was the year we all started pretending we were the “main character” in a movie that only existed on our phone screens.
27. Marriage Story: Why were they screaming in a hallway? Because Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson gave us the most realistic divorce drama, right before it became a meme about punching walls.
28. The Launch of the “Impossible Burger” (Mass Market): Why did it bleed? Because 2019 was the year we decided that plants should taste like cows, and we all started eating “meat” that was actually just very clever science.
29. The “Bottle Cap Challenge”: Why were we roundhouse kicking drinks? Because Jason Statham and the rest of the world proved that you can open a bottle with your foot if you have enough slow-motion cameras.
30. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker: Why was Palpatine back? Because “somehow” became the most important word in the galaxy, and we all finished the sequel trilogy with a lot of questions and some very pretty lightsaber fights.
31. The Launch of Oculus Quest: Why were there no wires? Because Facebook finally gave us VR that didn’t require a supercomputer, allowing us to play Beat Saber in our kitchens without tripping over the cat.
32. The “Rise and Shine” Video: Why was Kylie Jenner singing? Because two words in an office were enough to become a global soundbite and prove that celebrity culture in 2019 was officially unhinged.
33. Untitled Goose Game: Why were we being so annoying? Because 2019 taught us that “honking” at a gardener and stealing his keys is the most relaxing way to spend a Tuesday afternoon.
34. New Year’s Eve 2019: Why were we so optimistic? Because the “Roaring Twenties” were about to start, and we were sure that 2020 was going to be the most “productive” and “normal” year of our lives. (Narrator: The universe laughed.)