30 Miscellaneous Jokes: The 2003 “99 Cents & King’s Return” Edition

The year 2003 was when the digital world finally started to get its act together. We stopped using Limewire (mostly) because the iTunes Store made buying music easier than catching a virus, and we watched a guy named 50 Cent dominate the charts while asking us to “find him in the club.” It was the year of the final stand at Minas Tirith, the birth of the “social media” we actually liked, and the moment we realized that Arnold Schwarzenegger was now officially the “Governator.”

The 2003 Top 10: The “iTunes & Gondor” Classics

1. The Launch of the iTunes Music Store: Why did we start paying for music again? Because Steve Jobs realized that if you made a song cost 99 cents and a single click, people would actually stop stealing it (for like five minutes).
2. The Return of the King: Why were we crying in the theater? Because after 11 Oscars and about 45 different “fake endings,” Peter Jackson finally let us leave Middle-earth, leaving us all wondering what to do with our life sized-cardboard Legolas.
3. The Launch of Skype: Why were we shouting at our monitors? Because for the first time, we could call someone across the ocean for free, as long as we were okay with them sounding like they were underwater and trapped in a blender.
4. Finding Nemo: Why was everyone looking for P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney? Because Pixar proved that a forgetful blue fish and a nervous clownfish were more relatable than most humans we knew.
5. The Launch of Myspace: Why were we learning HTML? Because Tom became our first “friend,” and we spent eight hours a day deciding which emo song should play on our profile and who deserved to be in our “Top 8.”
6. 50 Cent – Get Rich or Die Tryin’: Why was everyone wearing headbands? Because “In Da Club” was the only song allowed on the radio, and 50 Cent made being a “magical” rapper look like the most profitable job in America.
7. The Schwarzenegger Election: Why did California hire a Terminator? Because in 2003, politics became a blockbuster movie, and we all wanted to see if the Governor could actually “terminate” the state’s budget problems.
8. The Launch of Steam: Why were PC gamers mad? Because Valve told us we had to install a “platform” just to play Counter-Strike, and we all thought it was the most annoying thing ever created. (Narrator: It was not.)
9. Pirates of the Caribbean: Why was a theme park ride a good movie? Because Johnny Depp turned Captain Jack Sparrow into a rum-soaked legend, proving that pirates are much cooler when they don’t know where their ship is.
10. The Human Genome Project: Why was it completed? Because in 2003, we finally mapped the entire human DNA, officially proving that we are 99% identical to each other and 100% confused by our own evolution.

The Full 2003 Miscellaneous Jokes Archive

11. Beyoncé’s “Dangerously in Love”: Why was she “Crazy in Love”? Because the horns in that song were so loud they woke up everyone’s inner diva, and Jay-Z officially became the luckiest man in hip-hop.
12. The BlackBerry 6210: Why were businessmen so happy? Because it was the first “Quark” with an integrated phone, meaning they could finally stop carrying two devices and start ignoring their families with just one.
13. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic: Why was the twist so good? Because BioWare showed us that the best Star Wars story wasn’t even in the movies—it was on our Xbox and PC.
14. The Launch of LinkedIn: Why was the internet getting “professional”? Because someone decided we needed a social network where we could brag about our resumes instead of sharing photos of our lunch.
15. Kill Bill: Vol. 1: Why was there so much yellow? Because Quentin Tarantino decided that a samurai sword and a track suit were the only tools needed for a perfect revenge story.
16. The Concorde’s Final Flight: Why was the sky getting slower? Because the world’s only supersonic passenger jet retired, proving that the future was actually going to be much slower and have less legroom.
17. Call of Duty Debut: Why were we back in WWII? Because the first CoD reminded us that war is hell, but it’s slightly more manageable when you have a “Quick Save” button.
18. The Launch of the Power Mac G5: Why did it look like a cheese grater? Because Apple wanted a pro computer that could stay cool while being the most powerful “64-bit” monster on the block.
19. Evanescence’s “Bring Me to Life”: Why were we all so “goth” for a month? Because that song was the official soundtrack to every dramatic teenage AIM status in 2003.
20. The Nikon D2H: Why were the pros going digital? Because 4 megapixels was finally enough to convince photographers that “film” was starting to look like a lot of extra work.
21. The Launch of Fedora Linux: Why was the hat so red? Because Red Hat decided to split their OS, giving the “community” a place to break things while the “enterprise” kept the servers running.
22. School of Rock: Why were we “sticking it to the man”? Because Jack Black proved that a substitute teacher with a Gibson SG is better than any actual curriculum.
23. The Launch of the Nokia 6600: Why was it shaped like an egg? Because Nokia thought “ovoid” was the peak of 2003 aesthetics, even if it felt like holding a very expensive bar of soap.
24. Beyond Good & Evil: Why did we love a pig? Because 2003 was a great year for cult classics, and Pey’j was the best mechanic-uncle-hog a photojournalist could ask for.
25. The Mars Exploration Rovers (Spirit & Opportunity): Why were we sending golf carts to space? Because NASA wanted to see if Mars ever had water, and these two rovers ended up living way longer than their warranty.
26. Love Actually: Why was Christmas so complicated? Because this movie taught us that love is everywhere, but it usually involves a lot of airport security and a weird guy playing the recorder.
27. The Launch of the Safari Browser: Why did the Mac need a compass? Because Apple was tired of using Internet Explorer, so they built a “snappy” browser that felt like a cool breeze on a hot OS X day.
28. The Matrix Reloaded & Revolutions: Why were there so many Smiths? Because 2003 was the year we got two Matrix sequels and realized that “more” doesn’t always mean “clearer.”
29. The Last Volkswagen Beetle (Old Style): Why was Mexico sad? Because the original bug finally stopped production, officially ending the longest run for a car that looked like a happy turtle.
30. New Year’s Eve 2003: Why were we so ready for 2004? Because 2003 was great, but we really wanted to see if that “Facebook” thing people were whispering about at Harvard was actually going to be a big deal.