42 Musician & Rock Star Jokes: The 2019 “Old Town Road, Bad Guy & The Truth Hurts” Edition

In 2019, the music industry was officially hijacked by a 6-second video app and a 17-year-old girl whispering in her bedroom. Lil Nas X rode a horse into the record books, Billie Eilish made “creepy” the new “cool,” and Lizzo reminded us that we are 100% that bitch. It was the year of “Storm Area 51” and the moment we realized that the world’s biggest stars were being born in their basements, not in boardrooms.

The 2019 Soundboard Top 10: “Old Town Road, Bad Guy & The DNA Test”

1. The Lil Nas X “Old Town Road” Stampede: Why the 19 weeks at #1? Because a kid from Twitter combined a Nine Inch Nails sample with a cowboy hat and Billy Ray Cyrus, creating a viral glitch in the Matrix that nobody could stop singing.
2. The Billie Eilish “When We All Fall Asleep…” Era: Why the whispering? Because Billie and her brother Finneas proved you could sweep the Grammys by recording an album in a bedroom with songs about “burying friends” and “eating spiders.”
3. The Lizzo “Truth Hurts” Late Bloom: Why the 2017 song in 2019? Because Lizzo proved that greatness takes time, a flute, and a DNA test that confirms you are indeed 100% that bitch.
4. The Ariana Grande “7 rings” Flex: Why the breakfast at Tiffany’s? Because Ari officially claimed her crown as the hardest-working pop star, releasing two massive albums in six months and buying all her favorite things.
5. The Lewis Capaldi “Someone You Loved”: Why the funny Instagram stories? For the man who sounded like an angel with a broken heart but acted like your funniest mate at the pub, ruling the UK charts for seven weeks.
6. The Taylor Swift “Lover” Era: Why the pastel clouds? Because Taylor left the snakes behind to embrace tie-dye, “ME!”, and a massive battle for the rights to her own master recordings.
7. The Post Malone “Hollywood’s Bleeding”: Why the “Circles”? For the man who officially became the human personification of the Billboard charts, blending rock, pop, and rap so perfectly it was impossible to turn him off.
8. The Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello “Señorita”: Why the paparazzi photos? For the song that made every summer party feel 5 degrees hotter, even if we all knew they were just “friends.”
9. The Tyler, The Creator “IGOR”: Why the blonde wig? Because Tyler released a heartbreaking, experimental masterpiece that proved he was a better producer and singer than anyone ever expected.
10. The Jonas Brothers “Happiness Begins”: Why the comeback? For the “Sucker” moment that proved boy bands never really die; they just take a 10-year break to get married and come back even bigger.

The Full 2019 Musician & Rock Star Archive

11. The Lana Del Rey “Norman Fing Rockwell!”:* Why the long title? For the album that turned Lana into the ultimate American poet, making every critic fall in love with her “Cinnamon Girl” world.
12. The Harry Styles “Fine Line”: Why the fruit theme? For “Watermelon Sugar” and the moment Harry officially became the new David Bowie for a generation that loves high-waisted pants.
13. The Vampire Weekend “Father of the Bride”: Why the double album? For the band returning after 6 years to show that “harmony hall” was the place where every indie fan wanted to live.
14. The Tool “Fear Inoculum”: Why the 13-year wait? For the prog-metal legends returning with an 80-minute album that was so popular it actually bumped Taylor Swift off the top spot.
15. The FKA Twigs “MAGDALENE”: Why the “Cellophane”? For the most heart-shattering, avant-garde performance of the year that proved she was a literal alien of talent.
16. The Kanye West “JESUS IS KING”: Why the Sunday Service? For Kanye trading the “pablo” life for gospel music, proving he could still move the needle even when he was only rapping about God.
17. The Rosalía (Global Takeover): Why “Con Altura”? For the Spanish star proving that flamenco-trap was the only language the world needed to speak in 2019.
18. The Solange “When I Get Home”: Why the Houston vibe? For the experimental soul-jazz trip that was as much a piece of art as it was a music album.
19. The Slipknot “We Are Not Your Kind”: Why the white masks? For the legends proving they could still be the heaviest and most popular band in the world 20 years after their debut.
20. The Tame Impala “Borderline”: Why the single? For Kevin Parker teasing the world with “The Slow Rush” and proving that disco-psych was the future.
21. The Bon Iver “i,i”: Why the complex name? For Justin Vernon completing his four-season cycle with a digital-folk masterpiece that sounded like a community choir from the future.
22. The 1975 “Notes on a Conditional Form” (The Start): Why the Greta Thunberg speech? For Matty Healy making sure rock music stayed political, weird, and extremely self-aware.
23. The Halsey “Without Me”: Why the blue hair? For the song that was so big it became the most-played track of the year, cementing her as a solo powerhouse.
24. The Brockhampton “GINGER”: Why “SUGAR”? For the boyband proving they could write a global pop hit without losing their experimental edge.
25. The Angel Olsen “All Mirrors”: Why the 12-piece orchestra? For the indie queen going full “cinematic goth” and creating the grandest sound of her career.
26. The Sam Fender Debut: Why the “Hypersonic Missiles”? For the “Geordie Springsteen” giving a voice to a generation of kids in small towns.
27. The Weyes Blood “Titanic Rising”: Why the underwater bedroom? For the 70s-style folk-pop that felt like it was being broadcast from a dream about the end of the world.
28. The Nick Cave “Ghosteen”: Why the ambient light? For the most haunting and spiritual album of Cave’s career, a final part of his trilogy of grief and hope.
29. The Rammstein Self-Titled: Why the matchstick? For the German titans returning with a “Deutschland” video that broke the internet and reminded us how to do industrial metal.
30. The Liam Gallagher “Why Me? Why Not.”: Why the Gallagher ego? For Liam proving again that his solo career was the only thing keeping the Oasis flame alive.
31. The Brittany Howard “Jaime”: Why the solo move? For the Alabama Shakes singer going experimental and soulful on her own terms.
32. The DaBaby “KIRK”: Why the “Suge”? For the man who had the same flow on every song and somehow made us love it every single time.
33. The Megan Thee Stallion “Hot Girl Summer”: Why the drive? For the moment Megan officially became the leader of a cultural movement that didn’t need anyone’s permission.
34. The Foals “Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost”: Why two parts? For the band releasing their most ambitious work yet and winning the Mercury Prize.
35. The Charli XCX “Charli”: Why the “1999”? For the queen of “Hyperpop” collaborating with everyone to build the sound of the 2020s before they even arrived.
36. The Death of Juice WRLD: Why the “Legends” prophecy? For the tragic loss of the 21-year-old voice of a generation, whose “Lucid Dreams” will haunt the charts forever.
37. The Death of Keith Flint: Why the “Firestarter”? For the loss of The Prodigy’s heart and soul, the man who brought rave culture to the masses.
38. The Death of Ric Ocasek: Why The Cars? For the loss of the man who wrote the blueprint for every perfect new-wave pop song.
39. The Death of Daniel Johnston: Why the “Hi, How Are You”? For the loss of the outsider-art hero who inspired everyone from Nirvana to Lana Del Rey.
40. The Woodstock 50 Cancellation: Why the mud? Because even 50 years later, you still can’t recreate the magic, especially when the checks don’t clear.
41. The TikTok Takeover: Why “The Renegade”? Because in 2019, if a song wasn’t a 15-second dance challenge, it basically didn’t exist to anyone under the age of 20.
42. The 2019 Final Music Vibe: Why did the year feel like a fever dream? Because we spent the year riding horses on Old Town Road, whispering like Billie Eilish in our AirPods, and doing DNA tests with Lizzo, while realizing that the TikTok algorithm was now the ultimate A&R for the entire world.